My Personal Constitutional Crisis

MyCurSit:
Sittin' and Callin' and Bicyclin' Around Waitin' to Die or Be Killed Or Saved by-- bloggers?!! HAH! ha ha..
OR
Stopped Reading David K. Shipler's The Working Poor and Reading Lolita in Morldeth
OR
I Don't Miss Peter Jennings at All, Really

For years I have been wasting my time phone-messing on some commercial network news presidents and a leading print journalist and Dr. Byafo once in a while I don't think he'll sic the police on me again because I don't mess that often on him any more, and several more of the fake advocates-- even daring to leave my home contact info in some cases lately; I think their friends-of-friends are eavesdropping my phone or worse, especially the local TV news channel which was NOT involved back in '93-- either that or they're all pooling my info and maybe even showing it back to the repressive community college which originated the project; or their stupid admin assISTANTS are blocking or auto-trashing me; or my messes are being stolen outright, prolly by the (inter)national broadcast news agency which I called from the mental hospital (or by their enemies). If I were really mentally ill I would be absolutely sure they were spying on me and even bugging my apt. Anyway, it does make me sick, even physically a little. This is prolly worse than being confined in a (the) mental hospital where they prolly couldn't do it, as much, and nobody would speak decently WITH me, either. And prolly worse than death.

So all major aspects of my life are bottoming.

We have gone from ignernt snotbags to capitalist pig professionals. A year ago They raised my rent $30 and I faxed the out-of-state Italian lord offices (roof leaked several rooms several years) and delivered a copy to the local apartment manager who sneared "How long have yew been here?" I: "Don't you know how long?- 13 years." She: "Do yew see what the new tenants are paying?" I: "That says 'LG 2-BR', I have a 1-BR and I pay my own heat." She: "Yew know what he could do?" (She wouldn't tell me who exactly "he" was.) "He could raise your rent $90!" I: "No, you can't do that, not when I have a complaint, that would be retaliatory, it's on the Attorney General's website." (which was stupid because the AG, old or new, is my legal opponent from then and forever, I guess, but not as stupid as HER). She: "Do you know what he told me when I talked to him about this? He said 'Well then make her get out!'" and (shaking and spitting) "What do you think comin' in here and actin' like some kinda HOTSHOT?!" and the assISTANT Mgr. stalking around & they both been making all kinda cryptic remarks about the Events of Feb. 1993 so I tell them they are witnesses and whatever happens to me they will have to testify some day which makes them rant their self-each-other-contradictory haggle at me
ANYWAY, they raised it another $30 this year and then the whole property got sold, they tore out my DR window locust that grew up with me, to put in a new oil tank, and tagged the pin oak in front of the next building that shades my afternoon, for removal (but not, yet)
ANYWAY......[lost big para]

Pink bicycle signs starting June '04, I think:
"Be nice! I'm prolly OLDER than you and I have a WEBSITE" (in response to cars screaming "Get on the sidewalk, you faxing* batch!)
"I'm NOT saving GAS - I'm the NATIONAL OUTTERN"
"I'm 2006 of HAVING 2 RIDE a BIKE"
"PLEASE - I can't STAND any more FASCISM (local)" (response to Chamber of Commerce sending Crisis Response Team 2 fully loaded pigs + mental health clinician to my apt; + pig ran me out of dollar store and anywhere near it in future because I wouldn't leave backpack with personal items at counter)
next might be "REPRESSED BY LIBERALS - Too sexy for democracy"

I think I unjust lost an hour's dog-dimmed work in here on U.S. Senators, David Shipler The Working Poor: Invisible in America ignore my phone messages faxed, Chamber Commerce sicced Crisis Response on me, bad faith bet with Shallow Throat, his boss's possible investigator leaked, made $1500 less 2005, IRS sympathetic!, bad numbers call sheets office doesn't inform solicitors when donors cancel, "plus" method scores, 26 + 2 pays $40.40 vs. 28 which pays $53.20, why stopped reading Azar Nafisi's Reading Lolita in Tehran, trying read Kate Millett Mother Millett sent me ad for lessee farm + got mad because called 8 am, new landlord trying cut out lower incomes by late charges saw 2 evictions other day I'll prolly have a real problem next month, sometimes I do wanna die, gonna publish dis anyway now.

I can hear them laughing. Or rather feel. No, they aren't telling me to do things. I lost the work on this file because I accidentally hit a button, so it was my fault, but I hate Bill Gates and despite his charity bull chat with that other creep, I'm sure he is going to hell for what he has done not only to me but to all those other older poor people.

Previous heart symptoms prolly mistaken. Have small ulcer on face which hasn't healed in a number of months, and cluster tiny hard white spots. And occasional jaw, cheekbone, temple pains, tinnitus, and eyebrow press-down, but move muscles okay. Maybe it's just menopause. Or maybe my soul is collapsing.

Yesterday loaded cat on bike to go vet overdue FVRCP or whatever it is shot, God gave me a flat tire. At least He dint make a plane crash on the vet's! I'm trying to be humorous, maybe I should delete that because, whether or not God exists, I suspect that I'm in Hell, except that if you were in Hell, you'd prolly know why you were there. I have whole files notes of Existential/Psychological, What I Have Learned About American Society Through My Experiences, etc. Shipler and Waging A Living producers and foundations and authors and electeds and ACLU (I don't know how express ACLU's obscene fascist hypocrisy) they all expose poor people and make money off them but can't stand it when a poor person tries to initiate contact them and get assistance. You're supposed to wait for someone to discover you and then run your life, if you dare to read their books and find info, you'll get blocked or even sicced police-on, and ruined your life.

I believe Jill Carroll had a rough time in captivity, but I doubt she ever considered killing herself, before, during or after.

Music-mixing recording equipment broke again. No, I ain't gonna sing for my supper. They don't deserve it, and you prolly don't, either. Besides, if I did, I might get breakfast, and I don't wanna stay overnight.

If you try to shoot me in the head, please don't miss.

*Some lower-case words in my story have been substituted so as to discourage spa murres, per-editors, and family-fascist filters.