Norm MacDonald Jokes:

• "In Washington State, elementary school teacher Mary Kay LeTourneau pleaded guilty to having sex with a sixth-grade student. LeTourneau has been branded a sex offender, or as the kids refer to her, 'the greatest teacher of all time'"

• "In Millwaukee, Wisconsin, a man allowed his eight-year old daughter to take the wheel of his car, and an accident ensued that damaged seven other cars and injured six people. Which once again proves my theory, women can't drive."

• "Reports say that Michael Jackson's wife is now pregnant with the pop star's second child. Asked why he decided to become a father again so soon, Jackson explained that hie 7-month old son is starting to lose his looks."

• "Carni Wilson, formerly of Wilson Phillips says that her talk show will be different than other talk shows, in that she will treat her guests with respect and dignity. And then she will eat them."

• Kenny G released his Christmas album this week. Happy Birthday Jesus, ...Hope you like crap!"

• "The state of Michigan's legislature has just passed a law allowing the blind to hunt deer. The biggest supporters of the new law? THE DEER."

• The Artist Formerly Known as Prince is now going by just 'The Artist'. Despite this, I will still refer to him as, 'the Fruit..'"

• "Who are safer drivers? Men, or women?? Well, according to a new survey, 55% of adults feel that women are most responsible for minor fender-benders, while 78% blame men for most fatal crahses. Please note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to 100% because the math was done by a woman. For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be noted that that joke was written by a woman. So, now you don't know what the hell to do, do you? Nah, I'm just kidding, we don't hire women."

• "In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling her she was too fat to strip. Police warn that the woman is armed and extremely fat."

• "The FDA has approved a drug used for anti-depression to help people quit smoking. It should be noted, the drug is crack."