Ambrose Bierce
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

George Carlin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

G.K. Chesterton
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

Winston Churchill
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

W.C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

Jeff Foxworthy
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

Benjamin Franklin
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Jack Handy
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ernest Hemingway
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Ross Levy
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truely gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.

Shirley MacLaine
It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.

Dean Martin
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

David Moulton
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

Brian O'Rourke
When we drink, we get drunk. Weh we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, so go to heaven Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...

Last words of Pablo Picasso
Drink to me.

Plato
He was a wise man who invented beer.

Homer Simpson
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!

Homer Simpson
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Frank Sinatra
I fell sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Tom Waits
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Oscar Wilde
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Stephen Wright
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?

William Butler Yeats
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Catherine Zandonella
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.