Richard Bach
Richard Bach
Richard Bach
Burt Bacharach
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.
Covert Baily (Fitness and Nutrition Expert)
James Baldwin
Lucille Ball
Lucille Ball
Ann Bancroft
Roseanne Barr
Roseanne Barr
J. M. Barrie
Dave Barry
Dave Barry
Dave Barry
Dave Barry "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
Dave Barry "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
Dave Barry
Dave Barry
Dave Barry
Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
O. A. Battista
Kevin R. Bean
Henry Ward Beecher
Henry Ward Beecher
Henry Ward Beecher
Alexander Graham Bell
Robert Benchley
Jack Benny
Ellen Perry Berkeley
M. Berle
Yogi Berra
Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Josh Billings
Josh Billings
Josh Billings
Josh Billings
Joey Bishop
Charles Bixton
William Blake
Smiley Blanton
Steve Bluestone
Mary Bly
Humphrey Bogart
Al Boliska
Al Boliska
Erma Bombeck
Napoleon Bonaparte
Daniel J. Boorstin
Nathaniel Boorstin
Elayne Boosler
Elayne Boosler
Elayne Boosler
Elayne Boosler
Jacques Benigne Bossuel
Jacques Benigne Bossuet
Preston Bradley
William Bragg
Mel Brooks
Heywood Broun
A. Whitney Brown
Charlie Brown
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Rita Mae Brown
Rita Mae Brown
Merry Browne
Robert Browning
Dereke Bruce
William Jennings Bryan
Buddah
William F. Buckley, Jr.
Warren Buffett
from A Bug's Life
Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
Bumper Sticker
Bumper Sticker
Bullwinkle
Bugs Bunny
Bobby Burns
George Burns
Delta Burke
Edmund Burke
Charles H. Burr
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
Spot reducing doesn't work. If it did, people who chew gum would have skinny faces.
Freedom is not something that anybody can be given, freedom is something people take.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had
years and years of training can, using only their hands and
feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
Women complain about premenstrual syndrom, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
It is not real work unless you would rather be doing something else.
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win
an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know
this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of
their great respect, they don’t even invite me.
Gifts for Children = This is easy. You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they'll tell you exactly what they want. They spend months and months researching these kinds of things by watching Saturday-morning cartoon-show advertisements. Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices. If your child thinks he wants Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, you'd better get it. You may be worried that it might help to encourage your child's antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial tendencieds until you've seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not get the right gift.
You can always tell the Chtristmas season is here when you start getting incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon-wrapped lumps in the mail. Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them. They last forever, largely because nobody ever eats them.
American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little picutures on the doors.
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of the that!"
there is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell
others how much they love them while they're still alive.
We are not bodies with souls, we are souls with bodies.
In this world, full often, our joys are only the tender shadows which our sorrows cast.
It is defeat that turns bone to flint; it is defeat that turns gristle to muscle; it is defeat that makes men invincible.
Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.
When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long
and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the
one which has opened for us.
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
Half this game is ninety per cent mental.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
A slander is like a hornet; if you can't kill it dead the first time, better not strike at it.
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.
Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art of war.
The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts
agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; We're computer
professionals. We cause accidents.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade another country.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking hte locks, they are always locking three.
When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.
The greatest weakness of all is the great fear of appearing
weak.
I've never met a person, I don't care what his condition, in whom I could not see possibilities. I don't care how much a man may consider himself a failure, I believe in him, for he can change the thing that is wrong in his life at any time he is ready and prepared to do it. Whenever he develops the desirek, he can take away from his life the thing that is defeating it. The capacity for reformation and change lies within.
The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them.
If presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country.
Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that
there is no God.
I am not a vetitarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like
unrequited love.
More look up and admire the stars. A champion climbs a mountain and grabs one.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Expect people to be better than they are; it helps them to become better. But don't be dissapointed when they're not; it helps them to keep trying.
Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
The best defense against usurpatory government is an assertive citizenry.
If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians.
A seed needs time, a little rain, and a little sun to become a great tree.
Refuse to be ill. Never tell people you are ill; never own it to yourself. Illness is one of those things which a man should resist on principle at the onset.
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
I refuse to fight a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
When it comes to humility, I'm the greatest.
Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven...because it hasn't.
Where ya be, let your winds blah free.
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap."
Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.