L

R.D. Laing
Life is a sexually transmitted disease and there is a 100 percent mortality rate.

Lamartine
Love is the enchanted dawn of every heart.

Ann Landers
At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don't care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all.

Ann Landers
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Lao-Tsu The Way of Lao-Tsu
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Jonathan Larson (creator of RENT)
No other road, no other way, no day but today.

Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.

Yves Saint Laurent
Fashions fade - style is eternal.

Johann Kaspar Lavater
There are many kinds of smiles, each having a distinct character. Some announce goodness and sweetness, others betray sarcasm, bitterness, and pride; some soften the countenance by their languishing tenderness, others brighten by their spiritual vivacity.

Vernor Sanders Law
Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president on a former player
I told his, "Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?" He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

Frank Leahy
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.

Fran Lebowitz
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Carol Leifer
I'm not into working out. My pholosophy: No pain, no pain.

Jack Lemmon
Stay humble. Always answer your phone - no matter who else is in the car.

Abe Lemons
I don't jog. If I die I want to be sick.

John Lennon
All you need is love.

Jay Leno
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Jay Leno on the Tonight Show
The Phantom Menace made $102 million last week. Actually, they said it could have made $204 million if the guys in line had had dates.

Jay Leno
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

Jay Leno
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?

Jay Leno
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reportingthat many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they are causing severe swelling. So what's the problem?

Jay Leno
AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."

Jay Leno
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers!

David Letterman
If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on television with pool cues, who would win? 1)Ricky Schroder 2)Gary Coleman 3)The television viewing public.

David Letterman
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.

David Letterman
Next week they're going to auction off an original boarding pass to the Titanic. I've got one of those, it's my contract with CBS.

Oscar Levant
A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.

Sam Levenson
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Aaron Levenstein
Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Ross Levy
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truely gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.

Joe E. Lewis
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days, I had lost exactly two weeks.

Richard Lewis
Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

Wendy Liebman
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

Abraham Lincoln
Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it, the tree is the real thing.

Abraham Lincoln
I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end, when I come to lay down the reigns of power, I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside me.

Abraham Lincoln
With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have bourne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

Abraham Lincoln
The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend.

Abraham Lincoln
People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.

Henry C. Link
While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.

Art Linkletter
Things turn out for the best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.

Vince Lombardi
Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all-time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them all the time. Winning is a habit.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Audre Lord
When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision - it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

Emily Lotney
A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen.

Amy Lowell
Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.

Marshall Lumsden
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.

Tom Luu
You must love people and use money, not love money and use people.

Robert Lynd
Life is worth living, but only if we avoid the amusements of grown-up people.