Conan O'Brien
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.

Conan O'Brien
The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're going from semi-automatics to uzis.

Ken Olson, World Future Society Convention, 1977
There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.

Austin O'Malley
A home-made friend wears longer than one you buy in the market.

James Oppenheim
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.

Aristotle Onassis
The secret to success is to know something nobody else knows.

P.J. O'Rourke
A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

P.J. O'Rourke
America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damn well pleased.

P.J. O'Rourke
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Brian O'Rourke
When we drink, we get drunk. Weh we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, so go to heaven Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...

George Orwell
On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.

George Orwell
To see what is in front of one's nose requires a constant struggle.