Robert Browning
Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.

Cher
Some women get all excited about nothing...and then marry him.

Marie Corelli
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which anser the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Bill Cosby
That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.

Dr. James Dobson
Don't marry the person you can live with, marry the person you can't live without.

Ken Dodd
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Nora Ephron
You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.

Nick Faldo
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.

I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way.

Zsa Zsa Gabor
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Lewis Grizzard
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Laurence Houseman
If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.

Beverly Johnson
My husband was just OK-looking. I was in labor and I said to him, "What if she's ugly? You're ugly."

Dean Martin
I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

H.L. Mencken
Bacelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married, too.

Larry Miller
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"

Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked why he takes his wife on all the road trips
Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye.

Helen Rowland
One man's folly is another man's wife.

George Bernard Shaw
It is most unwise for people in love to marry.

Gloria Steinhem
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine a marriage and a career.

Oscar Wilde
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that some men should be happier than others.

Robin Williams
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Lizz Winstead
I think-therefore I'm single.

Henny Youngman
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.