George Carlin
If a man is standing in the middle of a forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

Billy Crystal
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Linda Ellerbee
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligen is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

Samuel Goldwyn (When told his son was getting married.)
Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

D. Talmadge Gosnell
When a man stops trying to prove he is a man, he is a man.

Sue Grafton
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

Robert A. Heinlein
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Kay Ingram
Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially the legal kind.

Erica Jong
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

Jay Leno
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reportingthat many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they are causing severe swelling. So what's the problem?

Robin Morgan
Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember - all men are strange.

Conan O'Brien
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.

Maryann Person
Behind every successful man is a suprised woman.

Mary Poppins
And though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group, they're rather stupid.

Will Rogers
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Rita Rudner
Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code. He turned himself in.

Gloria Steinhem
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine a marriage and a career.

Margaret Thatcher
Generally (especially in politics), if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

Faith Whittlesey
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.

Natalie Wood
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.