Cowasjee Articles

Banzai !

19th January 1990

RYUNOSUKE Kotoshirodo, shacho of the giant Kitakyushu Busan Kabushiki Kaisha of Yokohama, landed at 0300 on Tuesday, January 9 (eight hours late) at Jinnah International and precipitated himself with relief from the PIA aircraft that had carried him from Narita. To his consternation, service on the flight had left him bereft of means with which to blunt the odours emanating from all around him or to calm his apprehensions of the mass of passengers clutching to their bosoms umbrellas, buckets, blankets, transistors and tiffin-carriers.

He was still at a loss to comprehend why an airline proclaiming internationalism, transporting passengers of all races, colours, creeds and climes imposed restricted national thoughts over the wider beliefs of others. After all, the price of his ticket had been no narrower than normal. Otherwise, the flight had been free from peril, though tiring. He had come here to invest. Sleepy, yucky and irritable, he arrived at his hotel only to be told that Kusumoto, Matsuoda, Ariizumi and Yanagimoto, the hawkeyed members of his advance reccy team who were to have received him, had been marooned at Lahore airport. Fog had put paid to the landing and take-off schedule of monopolising PIA. "Komatta ne". he inwardly muttered, "Komatta ne", indeed. 1990 and no instrument landing?" Frustration bubbling over, he asked to be revived and refreshed.

"Sorry, sir", he was told, "you will have to wait until evening when the staff who deal with these strange alien requests arrive on duty. You will then be presented with forms to fill in, and on presentation of these, together with your passport, identity card, driver's licence, marriage lines and thumb print which establish your beliefs, and on payment of a fee, you will, with luck and before midnight, be issued with a special permit allowing you to procure what we wish at twice the price you pay in Yokohama which you may then imbibe in the privacy of your room."

'Werrri unhapis', exhausted and unrequited, Ryunosuke fell asleep, only to be awakened minutes later by loud agonising cries, oddly enough from loud- speakers, which seemed to come simultaneously from various directions in complete discord with one another. He rang the concierge "Kalameety, aathqwake, tyffon?"

No cause for concern, he was assured—it was only the faithful being summoned to reaffirm their faith Resigned, he awaited dawn and when it arrived with it came Karachi's pride and joy, a copy of the day's DAWN.

The first word he saw was 'Ishaq'. Aahhh, he had heard of him. And good things. Here was no proverbial prevaricating politician What was Ishaq's message? "Need for foreign capital stressed..... We must devise a more alluring package to attract foreign investment, especially from Asian countries like Japan..." Ryunosuke beamed. This was it, all was well, he was wanted, he would be welcome, doors would open to him and yen would flow. Encouraged, he read ,on. The basic characteristics of Pakistan's economic system were listed. Number one: "Man is not an absolute owner of what he owns, but only a trustee." "Korewa odoroita, komatta ne", he exclaimed, and continued. "Interest is considered exploitation and therefore is unjust."

He moved on to the next story. "Qaim briefs Ishaq on Sindh situation." Aabhh, here's a good man, he muttered, whatever he does is "purely aimed at restoring the deteriorating law and order situation." Deteriorating? He muttered fearfully to himself. A flip to the back page and a subject close to his heart—technology (Genius Jabbar's empire of research and development institutions was listed). Promising, thought Ryunosuke. He counted thirteen research organisations which he presumed were making giant strides for the progress of Pakistan. He waded through the piffle only to find that there was one single giant stride forward—the invention of an ordinary fan which would save on power.

Shaken, but not completely stirred, he looked down the page, to find that the American ambassador was prostrated in a state of 'deep shock and grief'. There had been a terrible train accident near a place called Sangi, killing over 400. But even then, 'deep' shock? His Excellency surely cannot be that emotionally unstable. Raising his eyes heavenwards, he turned the right hand page. "Stranded PIA passengers flown to Islamabad " Korawa odoroira, from where? Lahore? No. Frankfurt." 400 had been left there when a Boeing burst its tyres and put itselt out of action for a week. He turned again. Nothing to rivet his attention. Another turn, and "Komatta ne", " IJI plans to murder important leader." What is IJI? He waded through a couple of columns but was left none the wiser as to the mysterious Iji. Was it man, mouse or machine? Eyes right from there and a real whopper: "Entire staff of school kidnapped." That did it. He could take no more. End of DAWN for the day.

Breakfast was next. Yes, he could have eggs unlimited, but most certainly not with the accompaniment he desired "Doshi masho ne, restrictions, impediments, inefficiency, uproar, denial, lawlessness, DIYism, fatalities, accidents, threats, mass abductions? "Taihenda. Alluring? Attract?"

Mumbling Korewa odoroita, he made for the shower. Coldwater was called for. Whilst towelling he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He paused, pondered and ruminated. The first of the dictums of the country's economy flashed through his mind. Did he or did he not own all that he possessed? "Doshi masho ne, doshi masho ne", he asked himself.

Two minutes hush. "Enough", said Ryunosuke, "enough", and chattering excitedly to himseli, he packed his bags, left a message for his hawkeyes to follow him, booked himself on his old Axis partner's airline and left for the airport. The plane took off as scheduled, he fastened his seat belt, and revived and relaxed by the refreshment served, he soared towards Frankfurt. As he cruised over the Gorby-liberated yen-hungry resurrected countries of Eastern Europe, "Banzai" he shouted in anticipation, "Banzai."

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