DAWN - Cowasjee Corner; 13 December, 1998
Parasites
Ardeshir Cowasjee
AN irate crotchety woman, who has bestowed upon herself the privilege of barging into my house and telling me what she has to say whether I wish to hear it or not, 'rushed' up to me after reading my last column in which I had referred to our 'government of clowns' and roundly berated me for having handed out such a dire insult to that highly talented and professional body of entertainers.
How could you even dream of comparing these shoddy so-called politicians, these parasites, with men who with their skills and genius have delighted so many millions down the ages? Would Shakespeare ever have had hired them for his plays, or for that matter would Barnum and Bailey or Hagenbeck-Wallace ever have allowed them near their big tops?
Not mere feminine logic that, I had to admit, as I reflected on Shakespeare's 'fools' and the clowns whose performances the world has enjoyed. Our parasites are no Joeys.
Clowns train and work hard to perfect their acts, their ludicrous antics and buffoonery, their aim being to induce laughter and joy through their broad graphic humour, absurd situations and vigorous physical action, enchanting adults and children alike.
Their earliest ancestors performed in ancient Greece, bald-headed, padded buffoons, parodying the actions of the more serious performers and pelting the audience, monkey-like, with nuts. In the Middle Ages came the travelling performers, the famous Italian commedia del-l'arte and its most durable clown character, the Arlecchino, the Harlequin with his black domino mask.
In England, clowns descended from the vice character of the mediaeval mystery plays, pranksters who could even deceive the devil. The most famous of the English lot were William Kempe and Robert Armin, both connected with Shakespeare's travelling company. The German favourite of the 17th and 18th centuries was the character Pickelherring, with his oversize shoes and clothes, and a giant ruff around his neck.The traditional white make-up was introduced in France in the 17th century, with Pierrot, the lovesick, pathetic and melancholy character weeping tears for his perpetually unrequited love.
The earliest of the true circus clowns, Grimaldi, first appeared in 1805. Clown and pantomimist, he created a new type of clown combining rogue and simpleton, criminal and innocent dupe. He was considered to have no equal as a comedic performer, and to this day clowns are nicknamed Joey in recognition of his talent.
Then came Grock, the Swiss clown of our century, whose proverbial blunders with piano and violin were famed throughout Europe and America. The clown figures culminated in Charlie Chaplin, the flat-footed pathetic yet humorous little tramp, with his derby hat, tight frock-coat, baggy trousers, outsize shoes, moustache and cane, and his meteoric rise to world fame and acclaim; and in Moreno, known to the world as Cantinflas - clown, acrobat, bullfighter, satirist, and a brilliant Passepartout in the film 'Around the World in Eighty Days.'
Our Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif and his fellow travelling cronies take the cake. He went off on this last trip accompanied by a retinue of over one hundred - adding the head-massagers and champiwallas, the total was near one hundred and twenty-nine.
Whilst in Islamabad last week, I met some of the freeloaders and asked them what the need was for them and their spouses to travel. None but one had a reply : "Yes, we went. But no great criminal offence was committed."
Huseyn Shaheed Suhrawardy was the first head of government to take with him to Europe an inflated troupe of 20 and was so harshly berated by the people that he never did it again. Ayub Khan travelled by the normal PIA flights and the only privilege he claimed was that the seat next to him remained empty. With him went only the necessary few.
Agha Mohammed Yahya Khan had time for just two trips abroad, the more important one being to the Shah's big bash at Persepolis, to celebrate 2,500 years of his 'dynasty'. Yahya took four men with him.
Come Bhutto and the circus scenario took form. Shortly after having received a couple of million dollars in aid from Sweden, he took off for the West, stopping at Stockholm on an official visit, carrying an entire plane load with him, making a mickey out of himself and his nation. Questions were asked in the Riksdag as to why the Swedish people's money had been given to finance a joy-ride for the Pakistanis.
Olaf Palme, with difficulty, calmed the house. Having invited Bhutto and his entourage, he did not want any public discourtesy shown to them.
Zia had eleven years for travels, and did travel, but relatively infrequently and never with a crocodile behind him.
Then came the most ridiculous prime ministers with which this nation has had to bear. Not only have they robbed us, but they have ridiculed us in the eyes of the world. We pay for their regular and frequent trips and outings and for the trips and outings of the hundreds of hangers-on that cling to them.
Each time they return, there are reams of recriminations written, blame is laid here and there, they are cursed roundly, public disgust is manifested - but it all makes not a whit of difference. They blithely continue down their dissolute ways.
After Benazir Bhutto's Haj trip in 1994, she somehow imagined she had been belittled (not difficult to do in her case) by the inadequate protocol arrangements and insufficient creeping and crawling, and read the riot act to the Foreign Office.
On May 25, 1994, Shahid Amin, ambassador of Pakistan to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, addressed a memorandum to the consul-general at Jeddah and the director-general, Haj, marking copies to the foreign secretary, the secretary of religious affairs, and the military secretary to the PM, starting the making of a fat file.
"Subject: Arrangements for Prime Minister's Visit for Haj (19-21 May) 1994."
"During the Prime Minister's visit, the following lapses/deficiencies were observed:
"a) On arrival at Jeddah airport (May 19) Prime Minister's children and nannies were not promptly disembarked. The aircraft door was shut and the plane was being taken away for parking when the military secretary rushed [note, 'rushed'] to the aircraft to bring out the children.
"b) Copies of programme were not given to the delegation members, including staff of Prime Minister.
"c) At the Guest House in Mina and for the major part of the visit until arrival in Madinah Al-Munawwarah, the Ambassador was left alone with only one aide (Mr Hazarvi) to look after the entire delegation. In spite of security restrictions, some officials could have managed to accompany the delegation (as indeed two local PPP leaders did so).
"d) According to DCP Col. Latif, he had requested Consul-General to arrange supply of Zamzam water to the aircraft before it left Jeddah for Madinah Al-Munawwarah. This was reportedly not done and PIA had to make last-minute arrangements.
"e) During Prime Minister's brief stay in Madinah Al-Munawwarah, Deputy Director (Haj) Mr Akif was not in Madinah despite specific orders.
"f) On arrival at Haram Sharif in Makkah Al-Mukarramah on May 19, Director (Haj) Mr Abdul Rehman was not at the gate to take care of shoes of Prime Minister and delegation members.
"2. The above may please be investigated immediately and a report put up by May 30, 1994, latest. Further action will be considered thereafter."
The PIA man caught on the hop in Jeddah on the 1994 jaunt, who helped out with the "last-minute arrangements" for the prime ministerial Zamzam water, should have been congratulated by the Ambassador for his quick thinking. He deputed his underlings to 'rush' to the nearest tap and fill up the required canisters.
(Mr Shahid Amin has now retired from the foreign office and has, I am told, offered his services to Imran Khan as head of his party's 'think tank.' With whom do we sympathize, Imran or him?)
This letter illustrates the degeneration that has set in all around, our renowned Foreign Office included. Would it have been conceivable that the envoys we sent out before the rot really set in could ever have penned such a letter? Ikramullah, Rahimtoola, Ispahani, Osman and Sikander Beg, Joe Yousuf, Sami Dehlavi, Jamsheed Marker, Sultan Khan, Jumbo Kharas and the rest of that breed of men would have shot themselves rather than have so demeaned themselves and their positions.
Who is to be blamed for all this? If my house is to be robbed, and I do not protect it, who else will? We are being shorn of our assets, money, and self-respect and yet we meekly tolerate it all. We do not stand up and fight.