i blow out the candles on the birthday cake you used to make. i save you the biggest slice. here's the flower that you always used to get. i can still see you slowly pulling out every candle and licking the icing from each one. instead there's me sitting alone at a table I've set for myself. i bragged about a big celebration, but I'd lied. I'd rather spend it alone than share it with twenty people i haven't seen in twelve months who do nothing more than ask about you. just give me a cake and some sad slow music so i can just celebrate alone.

.....

coffee and two scrambled eggs in a highway-side diner. i watch the limitless number of cars and trucks pass by the window as i mix some coffee with sugar and cream. it's a celebration, can't you tell? today's my birthday and i feel like partying. so, i drive to the closest Denny's and order up some mud and eggs. hey, I'm not worried. the day's gonna start soon and i want to be here and join the sun for breakfast. it's a start, but dawn's not much of a companion. I'll just park my butt here for now.

.....

can you tell me why the sun rises when she opens her eyes? i see a new day every time she blinks. dawn and dusk appear in less than a moment. in her eyes i see blue-- nothing except clear skies.

.....

i live in a sea of troubles that constantly wash on my shores. come high or low tide, i come to the point of exhaustion and near-drowning in my problems.

.....

if only i had a heart, i wouldn't be so inclined to break yours. i had a whole heart once, but it crumbled and blew away in the wind. my soul feels so empty without my missing half. a part of me is lost in this cold world so i light a candle inside to lead me home. i thought i found my lost half, but she belonged to someone else. it's funny how things work out, but that's the way they must be. there's no changing it -- accept what cannot be altered. move on.

.....

i shine a light for you inside my soul. i wait for my mate in the rain; hoping that she'll come home. its dark and dangerous out there, my love, be careful not to get lost. i will wait for you til the sun no longer rises and the moon never sets. my flame burns eternal, waiting for your love, your sweet touch on my cheek, and a kiss on my lips.

.....

lift me from this broken state and elevate me to a higher plane. you have the power, use it. i see the fears in your eyes, your inhibitions, lose them. cast away the darkness that enshrouds you in loneliness and make us whole. you are the fire to banish the cold.

.....

its sleepy-time in loneliness as cars and trucks go driving by. the sirens quiet as the lights dim down in lonely town. i sit in an empty booth waiting for someone who doesn't know I'm here. through all the lame chatter and cigarette smoke my thoughts become perfectly clear. the days will pass and the nights will come as i wait for my missing companion.

.....

the puzzle is partly finished, but I'm bewildered by this missing piece. could it be hidden, under the couch, removed from common sight? or is it lying between the fridge, impossible to reach? where can you be, my missing piece, so i can make my puzzle complete? this puzzle is an enigma itself for i feel i may never finish. i feel condemned to a task that i fear i may never complete.

.....

around and around the table runs the check to an unfinished meal. the conversation and clamor further propel it down an unending hill. when the drinking's done and the smoke clears the air, after the talk's been talked and the conversation's said, the check lies alone waiting -- it sits in the corner unpaid.

.....

her eyes tell so much, they reveal and betray her quiet state. they're big, like the sky in this lonesome town, unclouded, bright and clear. the sun rises in her eyes, the dawn begins a day anew. the day goes on and disk arrives, blink one, forming an uncut jewel. i see in you more than can be described by the untrained mind, i see a part that has not yet shined.

.....

pain and sorrow lines the streets. broken families bury their fallen members.

a country broken by bonds of religion tear apart this land.

strong ties drive soldiers to kill civilians. adults all dead, make all the children targets. they fire and forget the troubles stored inside a bullet. they'll end your life to calm their fears; they'd rather have your guilt. just to live another day they'd rather live with pain.

.....

see this world with slanted eyes and live in a yellow world.

these arms so thin, have been lashed so they can no longer embrace. this mouth now shut was wired closed a long time ago. this black hair and yellow skin keep me from enjoying life.

you're white, you can. I'm not, so I'm not allowed.

.....

your hair so soft, I kiss you gently on the neck.

you warm my hands and leave me here alone.

.....

the smallest whisper with the right words and inspiration can tear down the tallest mountains.

.....

come come along down the beaten path. follow, follow along the blinded flock. I stand here with dirty boots.

.....

little lies become snowballs down the hill. don't drop any pebbles.

.....

surprise me with what you have to say. show me what you have in mind. can you compete with this rage I have welling inside? my fire can overcome you. you don't stand a chance.

.....

I look over this city and wonder if someone is looking for me.

.....

don't look at me, cast not another look in my direction. I'm unfit to look at. my soul is disfigured.

.....

I make you, you owe me, you're only as good as I say you are.

.....

eavesdropping is a God-given gift that allows us to become more aware of each other. it is an art that needs to be cultivated.

.....

end 12.6.94

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1-23-95

a year younger, but an eternity of innocence hides in that time. you see everything fresh, yet you seem experienced. I take my time -- a flower cannot be forced to open, lest it be permanently damaged. I will never hurt you if I can help it. there's too much pain in this world that you can collect yourself without me finding it for you. you let me feel again you brought back my smile. thank you. I will protect you and shield you from anything undesirable. yet I will not smother you. over-protection is counter-productive and I want everything to be as fruitful as possible.

.....

alone in a cold, unfamiliar city. my only friends are the moon and the stars. they keep good company with the sad and lonely.

.....

my home waits for me in ruin. I dread returning to chaos. a father ailing and a brother running rampant, uncontrolled. if I am to be a man I must overcome these obstacles and return shambles to their former brilliance. I am the new head of the family. it is my time to take my turn. the old guard is fading while the youngest is failing.

.....

I hide my happiness in your smile. whenever I see it, ......

Check the other samples of my writing, would you? Tell me what you think.