PRELUDE:
Human
society is complex machine. Each part must be present in order
for it to work. Though we may not recognise it, each one of
us plays a role in it. For instance, for every "loser" there
must be a popular person. For every Mathematician there must
be an English Professor. For every wrong, there must be a right.
Well, we are protesting this wrong, as we see it. It is the job of
some to protest what they see as wrong. This is the way things work.
If people never said anything and just let bad things or questionable things
go unheeded, the world wouldn't work.
Therefore, We, The
Members of the group known as the D.R.O.S.G.H., would like, in the following
paragraphs, to voice our views on the subject of the illustrious Pop singers
from Britain, the Spice Girls.
*These are the opinions
of Paco and Cromwell and the Paco and Cromwell staff. These are not necessarily
the opinions of Iglou and anyone who has anything to do with Paco and Cromwell.
BODY:
I.
Out from the plastic
casing comes the tone. A beat, simple in nature, easy to dance
to. Then a woman's voice is heard. She informs us in a psuedo-rap
that she will "tell us what she really wants." She mimicked
by a chorus, until both start inanly grunting and making noises that do
not fall short of a tribal dance of early Cro-Magnons, ending with the
bold generational statement that is so typical of the Spice Girls--that
they really wanna zig a zag ahh (Sumerian for eat a goat?) . Then
suddenly the music changes into a major key, and the synthesiser blares
out it's first note. It is coupled by the nasly chorus, who despite
their singing disability, manages to push out a few lyrics, telling us
that if I "wannabe" their lover, I "got" to be thier friend.
Then comes a direct command saying "make it last forever", which one, when
contemplating the meaning of the mysterious "it", can assume any shape
for it that they please. (perhaps a steak dinner?) Next in the song we
are told "friendship never ends" which would imply that either the anomaly
known as "it" was friendship, or that friendships made over a hearty steak
dinner will never end. The song continues in this manner, at one
amusing point even displaying the Girls schooling (attempted alphabet with
only 5 letters), until, after a grueling 2 minutes and 53 seconds,
it ends. I would have to
say, the only thing I gained from this song is a common bonding with the
travels of Dante.
However, amongst
the droves of Spice Girl songs, this appears to be the most common one
to attack...simply because it is so stupid. But, to their credit,
they have other songs. That's about all that can be said...their
other songs either lack any sort of creative touch (i.e. Say You'll Be
There, 90% of Spice World CD), or are cheap rip offs of other people's
music (Viva, all rest of songs...)
II.
Thus far are our
reactions to the British Pop/R+B band, The Spice Girls. Paco and
I are Yanks...born and bred. This fact doesn't IN ANY WAY hinder
or affect our view of the Spice Girls. In fact, I (Cromwell), am
an "Anglophile" (which means I love England), and probably have more national
pride for the UK than most young residents.
Here is why we dissaprove
of the Spice Girls music: In our professional
opinion (we are both musicians), we believe that the Spice Girls display:
A.
Very little talent in their music. Anyone can make up a catchy, repeated
rhythm to a fixed beat.
B.
Very little creativity. Their music is SO mainstream, so used, that
it is sometimes hard to distinguish them from other American Pop female
singers. Which brings up another point. Why are they afraid
of using English accents?
C.
Very little in the way of important lyrics. When I say important,
I mean lyrics that display some sort of beauty or meaning other than straightforwardness.
It is easily proven
that the music is no step forward, so beside the fact that it is good to
dance to*, what purpose does it have? This we shall address in our
next section.
*We would like to bring up that there is nothing
wrong with making a catchy, funky dance song, but just not when you are
doing it while claiming you're something special.
III.
It has come
to our attention that the Spice Girls stand as a symbol for Feminism.
Paco and I have nothing wrong with that. In fact, we condone it.
But take a closer look at the paradox behind this message. From
reading interviews and other assorted material on them, it is made clear
that each of the 5 girls has a distinct personality. Yet, seemingly
enough, all these personalities are stereo typed. I mean, I
don't know how much of their true selves they have actually released, but
from the interviews all I can gather is what kind of men they like, what
clothes they wear, what they do before they go to bed, what makeup they
use, etc. I know these questions are asked and answered for the purpose
of their fans, who mostly consist of teenage girls, but I could find nowhere
a REASONABLE form of questioning. So we will present our own:
Instead of What
kind of men do you like?
We offer How
do you think your music will affect our culture?
Instead of What
do you do right before you go to bed?
We offer Do
you believe that a mixed set of repetative rhythms mixed with mediocre
singing is really what people like Mozart, Beethoven, or even more modern
people like John Lennon or Louis Armstrong, had in mind for the music of
the future?
Instead of What
do you hate most? or What do you like most?
We offer Do
you Girls believe you have a lot of talent, and that this talent is worth
putting on CD's and taking $12-16 or £5-10 from each individual who
buys the CD, not to mention radio air time and traveling the country?
Instead of What
is your favorite type of makeup?
We offer Does
it seem puzzling to you that people with twice your talent are crusading
for a real cause, such as feminism, and are sleeping and dying in the gutter
because your music has envoloped the consumer?
Instead of What
was your favourite part of making your new CD?
We offer What
are trying new and different that might be innovating in music?
In the U.K.
these girls are supposed to represent Feminism (as previously stated),
but you can't be of strong independance while selling out (only a presumption:
no english accents) and making mainstream music and trying to capitalize
off this "cosmopolitan grunge" fad sweeping America. It
is obvious to us that the Girls are at least partial creations of
a producer or manager to make them more popular. In essence, they
werepuppets, hanging from little strings that connect to the hands of unseen
controllers somewhere in the rafters. This comparison has now become flawed,
because like Pinoccio, the Girls have broken from their strings after learning
the marketing trade. A amount of respect is due to the Girls for
their great marketing skills, however THIS IS NOT MUSIC. The Capitalist
machine is running over real talent, and likewise, the arts and other things
so vital to the essence of human existance.
IV.
Paco and I do not
really HATE the Spice Girls as people. We cannot judge them because
we have never met them. We dislike the music they make.
Further more, we believe that they can create better music if they put
their minds to it. Puppet and Former Puppet groups that capitalize
off fads don't last long so if the Girls want to survive, actions must
be made quickly: Will they risk giving up their money making career for
the chance of being different and experimental? Or will they stay
where they are, and be forgotten in 20 years to all but their dearest friends?
APPENDIX A
(added a year after the original constitution
was written)
When I started this page, about a year ago, I
had no idea how popular (and hated) it would be, or how much mail from
around the world I would get, and how many people I would talk to.
Many of you have liked this page, and still more have tried to defame it
with high and bold accusations. I have done my best to fight
off these accusations, and also tried to keep the page going long enough
for people to see what I felt of it. But, in doing so, I may have
lost the true meaning for the page. I had a little snippet
at the bottom of the Main Page that says I would save the telling of the
purpose of this page for another time. Well, after persistence from
people, I have decided to tell the truthful story of this page, and hopefully
outline why it is here.
A. HISTORY
This page started about a year ago.
It was when Spice Girls songs were first being played on the radio.
I had a at-the-time poorly made page with my friend Clayton, also known
as Paco. I came up with the idea that if we put some page up about
the Spice Girls, just kinda as a joke, we might cause some controversy
over the web. Our first page was just one page, and a lot of it is
what the constitution is made of today, except ours had a bit of the other's
anti-spice girls pages stupid humor at first. We got rid of this
quickly, and just left the page there. About 4 or 5 months after
we had made it, and when we had basically forgotten about it, we got a
guestbook entry from a girl named "Erin.........do I really have to leave
my last name?" telling us how great the page was. We were like "oh,
yeah! we have that page!" Since I had made most
of the page, I responded to "erin" and talked with her about things to
do with the Spice Girls. Well, I got the idea in my head that
I should make a real page, one separate from P&C, though part of it.
So I started work on what would become the DROSGH.
When I finished, I found a geocities site to
post it on. So I did, and here it lies today. Eventually,
when P&C got bigger, we decided to get rid of the joking parts, and
that included the link to the DROSGH. So now it was on it's own.
Well, I updated like every week with a new page or so, and played around
with .wav files and stuff, but as I did research on the Spice Girls, I
realized how much I didn't like them. Erin, a major feminist, though
not a feme-nazi, was opening my eyes a bit more to just how important feminism
is. And then I saw what the Spice Girls were doing to it.
Well, I am not going to repeat what I have stated time and time again on
this page, so I digress.
Well, many times I have thought about ending
the page, but then something happens and it becomes big again. The
MTV thing was probably the biggest thing. In case no
one knows what exactly happened with the MTV thing, the page was featured
along with other pages on MTV News. I didn't catch the story,
but saw the small bit included in "week in rock." Also, the
day after Geri quit the Spice Girls, I was asked to call into BBC 4 for
an interview with former MP Edwina Curry on how the Anti-Spice community
felt about her leaving. Unfortunately I was unable to reach this
message in time.
Well, there's not much else to tell. I
have met many people through this page, some cool, some not, but all humans,
nonetheless, which leads me to my next thing.
B. PURPOSE (AS OF NOW)
The purpose of this page is to show that at least
one person does not agree with what the Spice Girls are doing, and is willing
to voice his opinion. I am merely spreading my ideals, the
ideals which many of you share, to those who do not have them.
For those who say "why can't you just leave them alone and be quiet?"
I respond with this:
I am a servant of humanity. Humanity
and society are complex machines. Each part must be present
in order for it to work. This may seem deep, and it is, but
we all play roles in it. For instance, for every "loser" there
must be a popular person. For every Mathematician there must
be an English Professor. For every wrong, there must be a right.
Well, I am protesting this wrong, as I see it. It is the job of some
to protest what they see as wrong. This is the way things work.
If people never said anything and just let bad things or questionable things
go unheeded, the world wouldn't work. So that is what I am doing.
(repeated from the top part of the constitution)
C. THE FUTURE
As I have maintained, I will shut down this page
if I get a true email from the Spice Girls. I know that this will
not happen, mainly because they don't give a shit about their fans or non-fans
as the case may be. We will see, though. Despite
the fact that many people seem to like this page, I may end it just because
I am getting bored with it. Who knows...
D. DEFENSE
ON MY PART
I guess it is about time I put up some defense
on my part. I am NOT a no life who spends 24 hours a day sitting
at the computer. The reason that I voice my opinions
on this page may have something to do with the fact that I am more aware
than others my age, or so it seems. I am not jealous of the Spice
Girls. I cannot stress this enough, because I HAVE MORALS.
I could not trick people the way the Spice Girls do. Yes, of
course I am a bit envious of their wealth, popularity, etc., but I have
decided that if I were allowed to have the same chances of getting large
amounts of money using the means they did, I would not accept it,
because it would be going against my personal morals. Such is the
way of capitalism, though. Cheat off others for yourself.
Back.
*The
opinions in this document and all other parts of it are the opinions of
the Paco/Cromwell staff, and not necessarily
the opinions of Iglou or the Spice Girls, or anyone mentioned in these
documents.