Sir, Then things became very surreal. First a Bates lookalike (but with platinum blonde ringlets so we didn't get confused with our Fuhrer), handed out small effigies of himself to the clamouring kiddies. Second, a herd of reindeer munched contentedly on hay and what may have been a compote of Magic Mushrooms on the West Stand Concourse. If this were not enough (be reminded, I'd already had one or two by this time), the "Whistlestop" was serving free spuds and seriously hot mulled wine. Proudly clutching my boiling vessel (missus), and trying to force the young chap to carry the roasties, we weaved our way to the podium for the main event. Ever youthful perma-tan man Tommy Langley came out to launch the proceedings, and Marcel Desailly made an appearance to "switch on the Christmas lights". I am afraid that both I and my young charge were expecting some replica of a Regent Street experience, only to be greeted by a few paltry bulbs on a rather disappointing tree. At this point Marcel passed directly by us, and the whippersnapper demanded I remove our newly purchased 2003 calendar from the megastore carrier gripped in my mitt in order that the French legend could sign the relevant page. Whilst trying to execute this somewhat tricky manoeuveur, a whole bunch of determined under 12's pushed past me and sent the scalding alcoholic brew up my arm, also ruining the aforementioned calendar in the process. Trying to moderate my language, I was then appalled to see a choir arrive on stage fully regaled in red and white. At this point I asked his lordship if he had had enough and could we retire to the Shed Bar for a pint and a pie? Mercifully, he said yes.
Where was the real Santa when all this was going on, I would like to know ? Would I be right in thinking that the Spirit Of Christmas has yet to infect the boardroom at Stamford Bridge ?
© 2002
Priesty's Chelsea FC Refuge.
The muse has struck me after a couple of glasses of Sauvignon Blanc (no, I am not a prawn sandwich brigade member before anyone says anything - these days it's usually a few cheap Carlings in Lloyds Bar). Had a whim to take my 11year old lad to the carol concert at Stamford Bridge last Monday 2nd. After making the trip from Hammersmith in record time, I was delighted to be presented with several freebies, although admittedly I would have like to have stolen the whole sack of Umbro bags to make up for the cashflow problems that CFC ticket prices have caused me this year.
