Top Ten Proposed New Baseball Rules
From the Home Office in Sioux City, Iowa, it's the Top Ten List for June 9, 1995

10. Clothing optional in dugouts
9. Infield chatter must be in the form of a question
8. Knock out beer vendor with ball and you automatically win the game
7. Extra outs for every person on your team named "Mookie," "Scooter," or "Pee Wee"
6. Games will not start until the players' drugs have kicked in
5. No more keeping your eye on the ball
4. Goodbye Gatorade, hello Riunite
3. If the catcher snags your pop foul, he gets to make out with your wife in the stands for awhile
2. No team roster may include more than two dismissed Simpson jurors
1. Reach a base. Do a shot.