The Rock Vs. Hollywood Hogan:

Buffer: "Welcome to this most anticipated cross-federation main event, as wrestling's biggest icon faces its most promising prospect… it's past versus future… the Immortal versus the Rock… Hogan versus Maivia!"

Buffer: "Are you rrrrready?"

The crowd pops.

Schiavone: "YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'M F'N READY!!"

Ross: "Sit your ass down and let the man finish his intro."

Schiavone: "Sorry."

Buffer: "For the thousands in attendance, and the millions watching around the world… Ladies and gentlemen… LET'S GET READY TO RUMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

Lawler: "Rumba?"

Buffer: "...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

Ross: "Rumble. He's saying Rumble. Let him finish please, King."

Buffer: "...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

Lawler: "..uh.."

Buffer: "...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

Heenan: "Bear with us, it's nearly over."

Buffer: "...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL!!!"

The crowd pops.

Schiavone: "Welcome, everyone, to the greatest match-up of ALL TIME! A match-up 3 centuries in the making… a match upon which the fate of the entire wrestling world rests… a match-up the likes of which we'll probably never see again!"

Ross: "Is that all, Tony?"

The Rock's entrance theme booms through the arena, as the WWF superstar walks out with a raised eyebrow, sneering at the crowd, microphone in hand, looking sharp and confident. However, Rocky Maivia drops his microphone, sees it roll off the ramp, and get lost in the crowd.
       The Rock suddenly freezes, panics, looks left & right frantically, starts convulsing, and dashes madly back where he came from.

Schiavone: "What the..?"

Lawler: "Hey, we all have our crutches, Schiavone. Now be quiet. He'll be back as soon as he finds another microphone."

Maivia comes back out again, with a new microphone in hand, calm, cool and collected as ever.

The crowd pops again.

Lawler: "Told you."

The Rock: "Quiet, you trailer park trash! The Rock isn't here tonight to be praised. The Rock is here to lay the smack down on that rudy-poo, candy-ass jabroni Hollywood Hogan."

The Rock raises his eyebrow, and the crowd pops!

Lawler: "Is this guy the greatest or what?"

Continuing his walk towards the ring, the Rock continues.

The Rock: "The Rock is here to show the millions..."

Crowd pops!

Schiavone: "What does that mean?"

Ross: "Let the man finish his sentence."

Schiavone: "Oops."

The Rock: "...aaaaaaand millions of the Rock's fans, just who wrestling's true icon really is, if you smelllllllll..."

Crowd pops!

Schiavone: "If we smell?"

Ross: "Please let the man finish his address, Tony."

Schiavone: "Oops."

The Rock: "...what the Rock is cookin'!"

Crowd pops!

Schiavone: "Does this guy ever wrestle?"

Lawler: "Be quiet, Schiavone. This is great!"

The Rock: "Hogan's candy-ass belongs to the Rock!"

Crowd pops!

The Rock: "That... that.. JABRONI!"

Crowd pops!

The Rock: "uh.. Smack down!"

Crowd pops!

The Rock: "Smack."

Crowd pops!

The Rock: "Down."

Crowd pops louder!

The Rock: "Smack-smack-smack, down-down-down."

Crowd pops louder still.

Heenan: "Doesn't this ever get old? Someone's got to get that mike off him!"

Lawler: "Why? Just listen to this crowd! This is how you get ratings! Let the man perform."

The Rock's speech is interrupted by Hendrix' Voodoo Child, as Hollywood Hogan makes his way out, playing his air guitar. He is accompanied by his nephew, 2 grand-sons, his maid and 3 dogs, all of whom were recently inducted into the NWO black & white.

Schiavone: "Oh my God! It's Hollywood Hogan! It's Hollywood Hogan!"

Lawler: "I guess that's why they pay you the big bucks, Schiavone."

After the referee signals for the NWO to return backstage, Hogan climbs through the ropes as the Rock, who still hasn't let go of his microphone, bashes on him repeatedly.

The Rock: "You interrupted The Rock's speech, you slimy piece of... of..."

The crowd waits on baited breath for Maivia to finish his sentence, as he raises his eyebrow...

The Rock: "…rudy-poo candy-ass cookin' smackdown tooty-fruity trailer-park jabroni trash!"

Crowd gives the Rock its biggest pop of the night!!

Lawler: "Did you hear? Did you hear that!? The Rock just improved a new buzzword! And we were here to witness it! He said tooty-fruity! There's no limit to this kid's talent! Get those new t-shirts printed, quick!"

Ross: "King... I just got word through my headset that they're being printed as we speak, and should be available across the nation by tomorrow morning. Also, the Rock just earned himself another WWF Title Reign."

Schiavone: "Give me a break; This is ridiculous."

Heenan: "Apparently not, you roody-poo jabroni." Schiavone violently slaps Heenan across the face!

Schiavone: "This ain't the WWF. Watch your mouth, weasel."

Hollywood steals a page from the Ric Flair handbook and cowers on his knees, begging for the Rock's mercy, while backing into the nearest ringpost.

Lawler: "This ain't the Hulk Hogan I remember."

Hogan rolls out of the ring and calls for retirement.

Ross: "What is Hogan doing?"

Heenan: "He just retired."

Lawler: "From the match?"

Heenan: "From wrestling."

Schiavone: "OH MY GOODNESS, FOLKS! Hollywood Hogan has just retired from professional wrestling! This is the most SHOCKING and IMPORTANT piece of news of the year, and wasn't scripted to occur for another 10 minutes! Love him or hate him, we all know what Hogan has meant to this great sport! He will be missed!"

Hogan poses for a few pictures outside the ring and films a quick spot for the Tonight Show.

Lawler: "Is this a joke? You mean it's over?"

Schiavone: "You sell your t-shirts your way, we'll sell'em ours."

Heenan: "3... 2... 1..."

Hogans comes out of retirement and surprises the Rock with a leg sweep.

Schiavone: "WHAT A MOVE!"

Ross: "What the..."

Heenan: "Don't ask."

Hollywood climbs back in the ring, and kicks the microphone out of Maivia's hands. The Rock starts convulsing again.

Schiavone: "Hogan powerbombs the Rock!"

Ross: "No he didn't; that was just a kick, Tony."

Heenan: "Does that microphone give him super powers or something?"

Hollywood throws Rocky to the ropes and clotheslines him.

Schiavone: "Huracanrana by Hogan!"

Ross: "No, that was a CLOTHESLINE!"

Schiavone: "Fans, don't touch that dial! Stay with us! I have word that our competition will have their main event end in a gigantic screwjob finish! Yeah, like that'll put butts in the seats ..."

Ross: "There IS no competition tonight - that's US, you moron."

Schiavone: "Oh !@#$."

Lawler: "Schiavone, you're so stupid, I bet you get thrown out of M&M factories for throwing out Ws."

The lights go dark, and the Undertaker's music echoes through the arena.

Ross: "Good Lord, it's the Undertaker!"

Lawler sueals!

The Acolytes come out first, walking slowly… followed by The Brood, Midian and Viscera... who themselves are followed by several sheep and 2 goats... and behind them, two horses pulling a buggy carrying the Undertaker.

Heenan: "That isn't the Undertaker I remember."

Ross: "He's converted to the Amish way of life since you last saw him."

Heenan: "Nice chin-beard."

The Ministry slowly makes its way into the ring, as the Rock and Hogan stand back and give them room. They take one of the sheep with them... Midian and Viscera raise it eye-level to the Undertaker, who then proceeds to gut it alive.

Schiavone: "OH MY @#$%^& GOD!!! WHAT THE @#$% ARE THEY DOING?!"

Ross: "Sit down, Tony. They're getting us ratings, something you wouldn't know anything about."

Heenan: "I think I'm going to throw up!"

Lawler(whispering): "Hey Ross, this tweener fad is really screwing me up good. Am I supposed to like Taker or hate him?"

Ross(whispering): "The crowd still loves him, so I think you better hate him." Lawler: "This is disgusting! He's DERANGED! They should lock that man up and throw away the key!"

After they finish gutting the sheep, they pack up and start walking away again, sheep, goats, horses and all. Rocky Maivia takes this opportunity to sneak up behind Hogan, turn him around and DDT him!

Schiavone: "Rocky piledrives Hogan!"

Ross: "That's a DDT, not a... oh, nevermind."

The Rock raises his eyebrow one more time to signal the People's Elbow, except something goes wrong... the eyebrow takes on a life of its own, and rips clear off Maivia's face, severely injuring him in the process, before leaping into Hogan's mouth!

Ross: "Oh my goodness! The People's Eyebrow just leaped into Hogan's mouth!"

Lawler: "That's disgusting; the Rock is bleeding buckets, Ross!"

Schiavone faints.

Ross: "Does Tony ever go through a non-WCW broadcast without fainting?"

The Rock is writhing on the ground in agony while covering his right eye, and Hogan is gasping for air, choked internally by the People's Eyebrow!

The referee, unsure about what to do since this occurred at least 10 minutes before the scheduled match-disqualifying run-ins, decides to call this match over, disqualifying both men due to outside interference. The People's Eyebrow has taken out both The Rock and Hogan, as they are unable to continue to compete.

Ross: "This match is over, folks! Have a good night, everyone!"