From a column called Psst......

Pssst applauds Pat Rafter's generosity in reportedly donating $505,000 to fund a leisure room for the terminally ill children at the Royal Brisbane Hospital. But rather than lavish his good fortune on others, Rafter should also spend some money on himself. Here are 10 items we believe that he can afford to buy for himself.

1 A new haircut. Self explanatory really. The last time Rafter had a haircut, Melbourne Park was literally that - a park.

2 More shirts. He wouldn't have to bare his chest all the time if he had enough shirts.

3 A car. The world's best tennis players don't make their way around Bermuda on a scooter. The "Scud" probably has a spare car to sell to Rafter, although he'd have to pay full value for the car because "mates rates" would no longer apply between those two.

4 Vegemite. There is no coincidence that Rafter's winning streak started at about the same time that his brother passed on a jar of the gooey yeast extract. We suggest that Rafter can probably afford the entire North American distributorship.

5 Pension off Jeff Tarango, Rafter called him a 'bugger' the other day. Give him a cut of prizemoney and tell him to 'bugger off' for good.

6 A video of last year's US Open final. John McEnroe doesn't seem to think he can play. A video of the final might teach him otherwise.

7 A tropical island all his own so that he can be left alone to prepare for the Australian circuit.

8 A dictionary to look up the meaning of "attrition" and "epitaph".

9 A breathalyser so that he knows how much to drink the night before "dead" Davis Cup rubbers.

10 The Brisbane Lions (footy team). Badly need a winner around the place.

I don't agreew ith most of this stuff but it's still a bit funny