Geez.....both Hart and Jarrett are going to miss Souled Out. I'm hoping later tonight they'll reveal Nash will miss it, because that will make the entire wrestling-able portion of the nWo be out, and then it will HAVE to be a work. But what if this isn't a work....can WCW's luck be this bad? Will Souled Out look like this....

Stevie Ray versus El Dandy
Booker T is unable to compete due to a concussion he recieved in the "brutal" match he had with Midnight on Thunder. El Dandy comes out dressed like Booker T and says that he's Booker T's longtime "homey" from Harlem. Stevie Ray pins Dandy, but Midnight comes down and swerves us all by attacking them both. Stevie Ray and El Dandy team up and become the new Harlem Heat!

Revolution versus Three Count
Saturn and Malenko are still able to compete, but whoever their mystery partner was suffered a concussion after an apple hit him/her on his/her head. So the Revolutions mystery partner....the Maestro!!! In a sad twist of fate, the Filthy Animals couldn't compete because they all got concussions from actually listening to one of Konnan's rap videos. So their replacement's are the American loving Revolution hating boys of Three Count! In a classic matchup, Three Count comes away with the victory, and to kill some time that was reserved for the Triple Threat Theater, they "sing" for the crowd!

Kevin Sullivan versus Kanyon's Manager
This is the match to decide who will be the commish and whether the nWo will disband or not. Sullivan represents the injured Funk, and the extremly over personality of Kanyon's manager (I can't even remember his name he's so over!) will represent Nash. This match is over in 0:12 after both men accidently give each other concussions. The ref gives the match to Kanyon's Manager....WE HAVE A NEW COMMISHIONER!

Madusa versus Tony Schiavone
Madusa makes her way down, but poor Ed Ferrera recieved a self-inflicted concussion after seeing how many of their wrestlers were injured for the PPV. His replacement: BLITZKRIEG!! Unfortunatly, the set collapses on Blitkrieg as he makes his way down. Scrambling for a replacement, Tony Schiavone decides to help out and wrestle Madusa. To make a long story short, Schiavone pins Madusa to become the new cruiserweight champ.

David Flair versus Scott Armstrong
Vampiro is the one injured this time. So his replacement is someone who looks "almost" like Vampiro...Scott Armstrong!!! This match goes to David Flair via DQ after Buzzkill interferes to help out his brother.

Tank Abbott versus Jerry Flynn
Nope, nobody is injured for this one. Poor Russo....

Drunk Fan #1 versus Drunk Fan #2 versus Drunk Fan #3 versus Drunk Fan #4
Four The Hard Way Match For the Hardcore Title
All four men are injured, so the title is stripped from Knobbs and held up. Four drunk college students in attendance run into the ring and start pounding (and vomiting) on each other. Drunk Fan #3 comes away with an impressive victory after his opponents pass out.

DDP versus Scotty Riggs
Bagwell's out, so his old tag team partner Scotty Riggs fights DDP for Kimberly's honor. This is a last man standing match, but more pathetic luck for Russo and Ferrera comes into play when the ring gives in injuring both men. A decision is made for a rematch between the two that should happen five months ago on Thunder.

Chris Benoit versus Jarrett's Guitar
Jarrett's replacement.....his guitar, who even comes out to the nWo music. Benoit wrestles the best match of the evening with the guitar (on the broken pieces of the ring), until halfway through the F'N GUITAR GETS A CONCUSSION!!! Benoit quickly pins it before medical help arrives.

Main Event: Sid Viscious versus TAFKAPI
The Heavyweight belt is still on the line, and Viscious will wrestle TAFKAPI (it will be revealed that Iaukeu gave Bret Hart a few bucks for lunch a week ago and BAM, we have an instant feud between Viscious and Iaukeu). Arn Anderson is still the referee, and they go along with the planned ending where Arn stabs Sid in the back with a pair of safety scissors. Your winner and NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE IAUKEU!!! Anderson and the Artist then join the nWo.

Maybe it's just because I love both feds right now...but I think I'll order this PPV! It looks like a four star card to me!

And if anyone out there says Monday morning: "How could Souled Out be any worse?" just remember this column...

Written By The Guy Who Wonders Why Sesame Street Has Better Production Than WCW, SirSlush2@aol.com

Slush's Archives
4 Life Once Again (12/22/99)