Life is sexually transmitted.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Every solution breeds new problems.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow
it and you will break it.
Most problems have either many answers or no answer.
Only a few problems have a single answer.
The best way to publicize an action is to attempt to
hide it.
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
There are two sides to every argument unless a man is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
No experiment is ever a complete failure -- it can always
serve as a bad example, or the exception that proves the rule