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WEBMASTERS CHALLENGE - UPDATE
Four out of five races done and I've achieved one of my goals! In the last race I was able to hold off a hard charging Ted Hohl (Chinook Webmaster) and get to the finish line ahead of him. We're now down to the last race, Ted and I are even at one apiece. Come out on December 7th to cheer us on for the last race of the series.
"MOAB DOGS FROM HELL" - BOOK REVIEW
I was first introduced to Don True's stories after someone forwarded one to a newsgroup I was reading. The story was called Christmas in Dover and by the time I got to the end of the "TRUE" tale, I was having to wipe tears off my face from laughing so hard. It reminds me a lot of the stories that Patrick McManus tells. If you want to know if someone is human, have them read some of these stories. If at some point they're not laughing, you need to check and make sure that they're alive!
Just recently, Don True and his riding buddy Jim "The Animal" have come out with a book about their cycling adventures in Moab, Utah. There are nine stories in this book and each one is a side splitter.
My favorite is called "North Beaver Mesa to Onion Creek" and Don describes it as "the epic struggle between coffee, beer, elk hunters, and women." This story is by far the longest in the book, a full six chapters with epilogue, and sets the tone for the rest of the stories. There may be a small grain of truth buried somewhere deeply in this story but I'd be hard pressed to figure out just where that grain is. Each chapter has a humorous ending and yet at the same time builds up to something much more so by the time you get to the end of the story you're ROTFLYFAO!
Running a close second as my favorite is the story called "Porcupine Cliff Hanger". I'd try to describe it but I'm afraid I'd just end up giving away the punch line. Lets just say that the story involves cliffs and bras. I believe that the first time I read this story it was late at night and I was trying not to disturb my wife's sleep. I tried and tried but just couldn't hold back the ocassional snort of laughter. A guy could really injure himself trying to be quiet and read this book.
This is a book that any bicyclist would enjoy finding under the Christmas Tree. Don has several stories posted at The Official "TRUE Storys®" World Wide Web Site as well as info on how to order his book. Read a couple of the stories (especially "Christmas in Dover") and see for yourself.
MOUNTAIN BIKE POEMS
"Off The Back"
(Recite using the cadence from the theme song of the Snapple commercials)
Sing a song of knobbies
But don't wait to take a drink
Cause keeping up with Yawn
Is a damn site harder than you think
So grab that trusty water bottle
Enjoy it's heft and girth
And drink some of the water
Mixed in with the dirt
Yawn is the current leader of the Fall Training Series Expert Division. He comes down from the wilds of Wenatchee like a Norse beserker (while the sounds of Led Zepplin's "No Quarter" play ominously in the background) to race, then disappears into the brooding mists of the NORTH as quickly as he came. If you have a local rider like this, you can insert his (or her) name into the poem and chant/rant it to yourself. Use as required. :-)
MUD HAIKU(S)
Reflex
Down Big Tire at night
Warm pool of light hides the good line
Don't miss it
Air
Off the beaten path
Tri-City flora galore
Flat tire
Slalom
Twisting and turning
Trail jukes to the left ... RIGHT!
Sagebrush
Do you have a poem or ditty? Share it with the rest of the Mudnews readers. Just send it to LeMans or me.
MTB TIP OF THE WEEK
Christmas is sneaking up on us so maybe this would be a good time for some seasonal tips and gift suggestions? We'll start with the tips first.
TIPS
- If you don't own a rainsuit, a 33 gallon garbage bag will make an emergency rainsuit. Just poke holes in the bag for your arms and head and the bag will keep the majority of water off your torso. This would also make a good windblock if you find your torso getting cold. Keep your core temperature up!
- To keep snow and ice (if we get any this year) from building up on your chain, cogset, pedals and cleats, get a can of spray on silicone (like used to lubricate aluminum sliding doors) and give your parts a good shot. Wipe off the excess and hit the trails!
- Now might be a good time to replace those Slimed tubes that you've been using all summer long. If you tubes are anything like mine, they have a whole bunch of tackweed punctures in them. When Slime (and any of its cousins that I'm aware of) gets cold it doesn't seem to seal as well. It doesn't actually freeze but your tubes won't hold air for very long. Pumping up your tires every 15 minutes is one way of keeping warm but I'd rather ride.
- The majority of the heat lost from your body is through the extremites. Instead of piling on jackets and pants, keep those fingers, tootsies and head warm and the rest of you will be warm too. Get a good pair of winter riding gloves for the hands, some sort of windblock/warmies for the feetsies (SealSkin socks or Shoe Booties or Gore-Tex socks) and at the very least a handkerchief for your head.
Hey! You could play pirate or Big Bad Biker Dude/tte. J
GIFT SUGGESTIONS Now every biker will have different tastes and wants so only regard these as starting points.
- Energy Bars - I'm partial to Chocolate Espresso Clif Bars myself but I've heard that the Chocolate VO2 MAX bar has a nice chocolate/orange taste to it.
- Logo socks are the IN thing right now. If you're buying for a lady biker then the "Girls Love Dirt" sock might be just the ticket. I'd like to get me a pair of the yellow smiley face socks like Ruthie Matties was seen wearing during the NORBA season.
- Grunge Guard Derailleur Boot - keeps all the crud off the derailleur so it'll shift when you need to. As an added bonus, it doesn't require removal of either the derailleur or the cable.
- How about a book? One that looks really interesting to me is: "The Quotable Cyclist : Great Moments of Bicycling Wisdom, Inspiration and Humor (Breakaway Books Series)" by Bill Strickland (Editor). "This companion volume to the immensely popular Quotable Runner presents a stellar collection of pithy sayings, witty quips, anecdotes, and timeless wisdom, with sections that include Greg Lemond on mountain biking, Fausto Coppi on road riding, Missy Grove on descending, and Lance Armstrong on winning and losing." [I got the above description from the Amazon.com online bookstore]
By The Way: If you have a good tip that you'd like to share with the Mudnews readers, send it to LeMans or me.
FAT-TIRE GENIUS QUIZ
Q1. What seminal [original] mountain bike publication was started by Charlie Kelly?
Q2. Who won the gold medals at the first Olympic mountain bike race? (male & female)
Q3. What does the abbreviation WOMBATS stand for?
Q4. Who has won the most World Cup cross-country championships?
Q5. Which of these people was not one of the original mountain bike crew from Mt. Tam: Gary Fisher, Otis Guy, Joe Breeze, Wende Cragg, Joe Murray?
Answers will be posted in the next issue of Mudnews.
CONVERSATIONS WITH LeMans
Gasping in Granger writes:
"I'd like to be able to finish a race like that French guy did in the Olympics (popping a wheelie and riding it one handed across the finish line). How should I train for that?"
Dear GiG: My suggestion would be to begin training for this with the assistance of modern chemicals that remove the pain factor and in the general vicinity of an emergency room, equipped with a good supply of plasma. Don't get me wrong, I do think that the skill has a place in road racing, specifically from the stand point of a support rider eliminating some competition.
Sincerely,
I asked the only person I know that can do wheelies how he trains. After several demonstrations, he took down the tail end of the pack and needed a pipe wrench to remove his front wheel, a bandage for his knee, a first aid kit for the three other riders that plowed into him, and a $100 bill to fix his bike.
LeMans
You have some questions that you'd like to ask of LeMans? Doesn't necessarily have to do with bicycling either. Send your questions C/O GrrRizly. I'll get the straight dope outa LeMans and post the answers in the next issue.
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