Lets Speak Dundonian
I am somewhat suspicious of that famous Scottish lilt that we all know and sing daily, 'The roads and the miles to Dundee.'
' Cauld winter was howling' (must have been July) seems possible, if not probable enough but meeting a young lassie just aboot daybreak?. With a slight tweeking of the imagination this could be considered as mildly plausible though on my many journeys along the Dundee road I must confess I have never spied such a thing. Slow moving tatty-laden tractors yes, big yellow buses heading for Aberdeen yes, but bonny young lassies at daybreak - I don't think so.
That, I feel, is where the reality fades into heavy artistic license. For a starter, assuming the lassie was lost, it can be reasonably inferred, surely, that she was not of that local - otherwise "she widna be lost wid she?" and logically then that she was from somewhere else ( we're no ah daft fae Arbroath ye ken). Where was I, oh yes. We've established that the young lassie, though goodness knows why she was out at the crack of dawn with no bus ticket or lonely planet guide, was from somewhere else i.e. not there. So this lassie goes up to this complete stranger, from somewhere else (remember that because it's important later) and asks him directions to a clearly unknown destination, Dundee. Says he to that lassie in his broad Dundonian accent 'I canna weel tell ye.' So there ye have it - both lost, though to varying degrees, it is subsequently revealed. He disnae weel ken the roads and miles , she hasn't got a clue where she is let alone where Dundee is but, in any event, the likelihood that they would have been able to understand each other is remote at best especially with the wind howling and whistling around their ears. This leads me rather sneakily into the next bit, called a segway in the world of broadcasting I believe.
Dundonian for Beginners
We will take a series of light hearted looks at the Jute Capital dialect. Thinking about it jute and it's derivatives are mildly narcotic which probably goes an admiral distance in explaining the development of the coded language now spoken in that great city.
Part 1: The Dundee Alfubet
A: as in " AIPLE ". That delicious granny smith variety,
B: as in " BA ". Kicked around a field by thousands each week.
C: as in " CHANTAY ". A place of quiet contemplation.
D: as in " DOWP ". That which is sat upon by all.
E: as in " EHRUM ". At the end of which is yer handies.
F: as in " FLOORS ". Often given to spouses when trying to regain favour.
G: as in " GAIRDIN ". That piece of brown ground where the "FLOORS " grow
H: as in " HOOS ". The Scotsman's castle.
I: as in " INGLISH ". Our friends form South of the border.
J: as in " JEHKIT ". Of the sheepskin or plastic mac variety.
K: as in " KEEKER". Sometimes received for forgetting the "Floors"
L: as in " LUG ". That through which the pleasures of rap music enters the brain.
M: as in " MOOTH ". Quite often opened without thinking and sometimes following the consumption of much pints of heavy leading to receipt of " KEEKER " in public houses and from spouse.
N: as in " NAIKIT ". Barely and rarely seen outside in Scotland due to climate and the risk of exposure.
O: as in "OXTER". But at the other end of your "EHRUM" from your handies.
P: as in " PEECE ". Jam and Jelly are favourites here though mince is not unknown. and peanut butter and banana is now the mode I believe!!
Q: There is no Q in the Dundonian alfubet. Quite possibly this letter was seen as slightly extravagant and therefore not favoured.
R: as in " RAIDIR ". An affectionate term for one's offspring.
S: as in " SANNAYZ". A bygone form of the Nike and Reebok cult foot-accessory.
T: as in " TULLY ". A local publication renowned for in depth global news coverage.
U: as in " UMPTEEN". Rather MAIR than one but less than HUNNERS.
V: There is no V in the Dundonian Alfubet. This is reserved for Italian ice-cream salesman's names.
W: as in "WINDEE". Through which the gas-man and postie may be observed from the comfort of one's "HOOS"
X: as in nothing there is no X in the Dundonian Alfubet. It was used once in connection with the condition for a pregnant women, XPEKIN but abandoned thereafter.
Y: as in " YELLA ". Of the old dog fame and the colour of that slippery fruit.
Z: as in " ZIT ". This should not be confused with the embarrassing facial blemish and is often used in conjunction with the questioning "WHERZIT? " or the negative questioning " ZITNO ? " meaning "is it not the case?"