Some interesting things have happened lately. In my last post on July 24th, I talked about Megan and how I thought she would never talk to me again. Funny enough, that very same day (July 24th), she IMed me. We chatted for about 15 minutes...the first time I have chatted with her since January. We pretty much just talked about the park because she said she was gonna visit me if I was working, which I obviously wasn't since I quit. Then she said that we should hang out sometime. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't happy to hear that because I was. In actuality, the only person that I have ever cared for more than Megan is Jen. Someone else was pretty close recently but turned out she doesn't really care about me at all. But anyways...so yeah, I've been thinking about Megan a lot lately. I had pretty much put her out of my mind because I had someone new in my life but that died out rather quickly (her choice). I have been meaning to call Megan for the past few days but I'm not sure if I should. I don't understand why she has basically ignored me for the past 11 months when I had done nothing but care for her. And now, all of a sudden, at the end of the summer, a month before she is going to go away to school, she wants to talk to me and hang out??? Why? It doesn't make any sense to me.

At the end of July, Jen and I went to the carnival out by where she lived a while ago. We rode some rides, got some ice cream, and entered a drawing where the Top 15 get money...top prize was $5000. The next night we went back cuz Jen thought we had a chance...and we did! A 1 in 20,000 chance or something...LoL. The following day we went to the movies and saw How to Deal. It was ok but A Walk to Remember was better. That night Courtney called me for some reason and told me how she was gonna hang out with her ex boyfriend who she hadn't seen for like a year or something...that's nice. Why are you calling me to tell me this shit? Jen and I watched the fireworks from my backyard that were being shot off about 6 blocks away to signal the end of the Ole Town Festival.

The following day, Courtney told me she wanted to hang out. I have no clue why. I'm quite confused as to why people that I am nice to and care about put on a big act like they actually like me and give a shit about me and then decide to diss me and ignore me for some queer, retarded, fucking, lameass reason. And then, out of the blue, they start talking to me again and act like they want to be my "friend". What's the deal with that? Well anyways, she called me and then told me to call her back later. Whatever. I'm sick of being used as an alarm clock and a taxi and shit.

Jen's family was moving so she decided to stay at my house until they could move into their new house. The first night she stayed over, we went to Subway for dinner. Some lady was getting subs and was in there for like 25-30 mins because of some confusion over something. So her husband comes storming into Subway asking if they "caught the chickens yet" and was yelling and asking why it took so long. I thought for sure someone was gonna attack someone...it was great!!! The whole family was screaming at each other all the way out to their jeep...and then to the traffic light...and then to the other traffic light when we drove past them. For all I know, they are probably still screaming at each other now, 2 weeks later. Well anyways, Jen ended up staying for a week and a half but that's ok. We went out to dinner a few times, went bowling, and saw American Wedding over that span.

I also found out that my ex girlfriend Mary had a baby in June. The funny thing is that she had it with the brother of the kid she was dating right after she broke up with me. Just goes to show ya that there are a lot of whores out there and everyone is a Jerry Springer episode waiting to happen.

Over the past week or so, Courtney had been IMing me "hi hun" and crap like that. God only knows why. I have been nothing to her for almost a month and she hasn't called me hun or anything close to that in over a month...why is she starting now? So I went to her house on the 11th (Monday) at about 9am. Her friend Ashley was there. For the most part, we just hung out and watched TV. Courtney said that she "loved me" twice during the day. Some people use that word too loosely and it pisses me the hell off. She doesn't love me. She only said it because she wanted me to buy her something. But then the bullshit started. Her friend supposedly thought I was cute. But then she goes and starts writing messages to Courtney that she hates me and wants me to leave. Fine...I was going to go. But Courtney wants me to stay...maybe. Then they start writing messages to each other and whispering secrets back and forth. Some of it was about me...but god forbid Courtney ever tell me how she feels about me...only tell everyone else behind my back while I'm sitting there with her hands over my eyes and fingers in my ears. It was so lame. If you don't tell me what you are thinking, I have to assume things. Either speak up or shut your mouth and don't get mad at me when I assume something.

Oh, but it gets better. Then Courtney tells me that her friend likes me and wants to date me but I'm not allowed to say no and be mean or rude to her about it. Courtney can't touch me or else her friend gets all pissed off and says she hates us both. Sorry to say, but that's the most retarded thing I have ever experienced. Someone who apparently likes every guy she meets gets all possessive and jealous over someone who she just met 2 hours ago??? And if Courtney, who I've been talking to for the past year and hanging out with since May, likes me or touches me, her friend blackmails and uses pity/manipulation by saying she hates her. Comical. Haven't seen this girl in over a month and now I'm not allowed to be happy to see her because someone is jealous? Hate to say it but real friends don't act that way. Hate it all you want but it's the truth. Had to deal with the same crap last summer and lost Megan because of it. Both Megan and Courtney let so-called friends get between them and me, the best guy they have ever had a chance with...amusing. Don't think I'm being full of myself...I'm far from that...just being honest. I have had just about enough of other people's shit and sticking their nose into my business to try and ruin any relationship I have just because they are jealous...it's pathetic. Then she continues to be annoying by flicking and poking me constantly. Hmm, yeah.

But wait! There's more. Later that night, we were gonna go to the movies...the 3 of us. But then Courtney's friend starts typing her messages and writing notes again. Asking me why I am "all up on her (Courtney) because she doesn't really want me to be". Funny...I had all that I could take. The jealousy, the manipulation, the secrets, the annoyances...everything. But now, she tells me Courtney doesn't even want me touching her?? That's funny. But maybe it's true. Courtney was telling her something about me earlier that she didn't want me to know about...but it would be nice if people would just be honest. I wake up early & drive 40 miles to see this girl and she doesn't even want me there? Why am I wasting my time? So I stopped wasting my time. If someone isn't going to tell me how they feel and then let all of this shit go on, I don't want to be around. I left. I walked out, got in my car, went home, and went to bed.

And so today, I get an IM from Courtney asking me why I left even though I sent her an email yesterday explaining why. She tells me not to come to see her for a while because her mom is mad at me for leaving. Yet, I'm sure she was told why I left, right? Nah, she was probably just told that I walked out so yeah, maybe that would make me out to seem rude. But if she knew all that went on, I doubt she would be so angry. So now I'm not supposed to see Courtney for a while? Didn't see her for over a month and now I'm not allowed to come back for a while. But that's my fault, right? Sure it is. If you want to fault me for just sitting there, having someone like me an hour after meeting me, and then acting like a jerk and driving a wedge in between me and the person I came to see. Then yeah, I'm to blame...I confess your honor! It's ok that she said she loved me...and now she doesn't want to see me. Hmmm...why is it that I don't believe people when they say they love me? Why don't I trust people? Gee wiz, I wonder. She tells me that sorry doesn't cut it with her. Because leaving is so horrible to do...I mean, it hurt so many people and caused so much pain...yeah...that's sarcasm. But of course, no matter what, I'm always wrong and I'm the bad guy. People treat you like shit after you are nice to them and then they try to make you out to be the bad guy...amusing. I'm the one who was being harrassed and treated like some piece of meat but I'm the bad guy for leaving? Well, you have to expect her to fault me. What is she gonna do? Fault her friend? Yeah right. To her, it's always the guy's fault. She takes all of her anger from the way guys have treated her and used her in the past and takes it out on me. So she gets sooo mad at me for walking out like I didn't have a reason to. It doesn't matter that I was upset, angry, and hurt. Nah. Why should my feelings ever matter to anyone? It's all my fault...I'm such a horrible person for walking out of a bad and uncomfortable situation...surrrre. People always get mad at and blame the wrong person. And that is when you know for sure that someone doesn't care about you at all and never did.

August 18th, 2003 - 7:30 PM

Let's see...on Friday Jen came over. We went to the diner for a bite to eat around 12:30am. I had a cheeseburger and she had onion rings. Then we went to go home but alas, my car wouldn't start because it's a piece of shit. The battery was dead. We walked back to my house. On Saturday, me and my mom went out but ended up having to call AAA to jump it. Then we went to Walmart and bought a new battery. That night, I went out to Dennis's house cuz we were going to the drive-in. He and I went to Subway and then to the drive-in to see Freddy vs Jason and American Wedding. Freddy vs Jason was ok. It wasn't scary though. And there weren't as many cool or funny scenes as I expected...just didn't impress me all that much. Plus it was hard to see cuz it was all in the dark and those kinds of movies are hard to watch at the drive-in.

Sunday was rather uneventful. Jen stopped over and we went to McDonalds. Then she went to her friend's house. Later that night, I got a call on my cell from Courtney's sister. I called back but Courtney ended up picking up. She started asking me questions and then my phone cut off because the signal sucks lately. I called back and talked to her sister for a minute or 2 before I got cut off again. Then the next time (I don't remember if I called or she did), Courtney pretended to be her sister and started asking me if I was mad at Courtney, blah, blah, blah. So, I told her I had a secret to tell her about Courtney...that caused her to dish the phone of to her sister. While I was talking to her sister, all I hear in the background is Courtney running her mouth saying a bunch of shit to try and hurt me. Saying I am no big loss to her, saying her ex boyfriend was over all day and she loves him and wants to screw him, says I should go after Megan, says I have no friends, and tells me that "you don't walk out on people!". She said more but I didn't hear it. But just what I did hear goes to show a lot. Me walking out is worse than all of those hurtful things she just said?? And I'm supposed to feel bad and guilty and apologize but it's ok for her to attack me like that? Sure. Well, it's good that at least I know what kind of a person she is.