Back again...one month later. I guess I should start off by explaining why I even write all of this stuff down. Some people don't seem to get it. No, this is not here for me to "bitch" people out or whatever. I write it down because it helps to get some of these things out of my system and relieve some of my stress. And it's also for the people who I don't get to speak to very often that want to know how I am or what has been going on with me. For everyone else, you will know some things about me that maybe you didn't know and you will know how I feel about certain things. Sometimes it may seem as though I am bitching someone out or talking shit but I'm not. EVERYONE gets angry and upset, even with their closest friends and the people they love the most, and they say and do things that they don't mean out of anger and/or hurt. So before people go hating me for things I write here, even though it is true, maybe they need to take a look at themselves and realize they do the same thing in their own way. In all honesty, I am much, MUCH, less harsh towards people than they are towards me...think about it.

There are certain people who I have had feelings for during this past summer and the summer of 2002 that don't talk to me anymore for what are pretty dumb reasons. I was nice to them and they treated me pretty badly and said and did some pretty messed up stuff. But I really don't care anymore...I still care about them and think about them. I miss them more than they realize. For whatever reason, I don't hold things against people for very long and I wish it would be returned because, despite everything, I couldn't hate these people...I will always love them as friends. That's just how I am.

There are probably a few people who wonder why I don't talk to them or see them anymore. Well make no mistake about it, I LOVE you all very much. Keri, Monica, Jackie, Megan, Courtney, Amy, Jasmine, Rupi, Kirsten, Nicole...and if I forgot anyone else, I Miss all of you! I just have issues with myself...and I worry that you guys won't like me because of these things. So I just keep to myself...I know what it feels like for people who I care about and consider a friend to attack me, criticize me, and point out all of my flaws. And it hurts. And it sucks. I don't understand how people who are supposed to care about and love me can tear me apart like that when they have just as many, if not more, flaws. I don't go out of my way to put them down and tell them everything that is wrong with their lives because I actually do love them and care about them. Friends are supposed to look out for each other, support each other, and help each other....not bash each other.

As far as my life goes, nothing too interesting. I was supposed to go and see Shania for the 1st time in Philly on October 10th. It was supposed to be an early Christmas present...but apparently, Santa, just like everyone else, has a problem with me. So I didn't get to go. Not much else to say...on October 25th, I went out with Jen and Jenn. We went to see Scary Movie 3. Well, actually, we got our tickets and then ate at Applebee's. Since it took so long to get our food, we had to scarf it down in like 10 minutes, rush over to the movies, and run to our theater. We got there while the coming attractions were being shown. Went bowling this past week...and also to see Cabin Fever with Jen. That's about it.

I recently started talking to someone new but we really haven't talked much. It's pretty much only going to be a friends thing anyways, if anything at all. Quite honestly, I have my doubts. She is really attractive and my history with those types of girls is not good. I thought differently about "looks" and that whole thing when I met Megan in 2002 but with how things turned out with her, I think my destiny with these ultra attractive girls is pretty much in the shitter. Anywho...I'm done for now...toodles!

November 28th, 2003 - 9:00 PM

Wow...this past year has flown by so fast. It's been almost a year now since I went on my trip to Florida...although it seems like it was 3 years ago. But all of the other stuff that has happened this past year seem so recent. I'm still sitting here missing the summer of 2002 and it's almost 2004. That's no good. Sure, I had some fun times then but all of the people I had fun with at the time have completely blown me off.

Last time, I mentioned I was starting to talk to someone online. She seemed interested...called me twice (I wasn't home though) and chatted with me online a little...and then I sent her my picture. Haven't heard from her since....ignores every IM I send her. Oh well. Don't really know what the deal is. Can only assume she didn't like the way I look. Yeah, well I'm no Brad Pitt but I know I'm most certainly not ugly either. So all I have to say is *sigh*.

What's been going on with me lately? Not much. Had an interview at Toys R Us on the 17th. The job I wanted was perfect for me...stocking from 6am-2pm. She said there was an immediate opening because they just got rid of a guy who just stood around with his hands in his pockets. But she also said she would call me within a week telling me if I got the job or not...still waiting for that call almost 2 weeks later. How nice. Places have problems finding and/or keeping workers and they wonder why. It's because they are morons. They have these applications that are pages long and when someone wastes their time filling one out, these employers don't even have the decency to give them a chance...and they wonder why they can't get workers. And then, even if they interview you, they don't have the decency to call and let you know one way or another if you got the job. That's why places have so many problems finding good employees. They get all the scumbags and lazy asses. The actual GOOD workers, they either don't even consider or they treat them like crap when they have them. It's the reason I quit the 2 long-lasting jobs I had at Dorney and Ponderosa. I was a good, hard worker and yet I was treated like crap while these new kids who were lazy and whining little brats got everything handed to them. Screw them then.

Let's see...on the 23rd, I went to the Panera Bread place for lunch with my gram, mom, aunt, and cousin. I had a salad. My cousin knocked my fruit punch all over the table and the carpet...LoL. There was a cute cashier who said she was going to cry because it was so busy. Umm...also went bowling this past week. I suck at that too now. Went out for lunch on Thanksgiving and then watched football. Blah...told you my life is boring. Today I went out to the DMV to renew my driver's license. I wasted another 40 minutes of my life there due to the fact that they were closed even though it said on their website that they were only going to be closed on Thanksgiving day. K, that's all for now.