1.
ONE NIGHT WHILE DRINKING HEAVILY, BILLY AND NARDELLI CONVINCED ME TO MOVE MY ENTIRE ROOM OUT INTO THE COUNTRY SQUIRE PARKING LOT. I AGREED AND SOON MY WHOLE ROOM WAS IN A PARKING SPACE. I FELL FAST ASLEEP WHILE BILLY AND NARDELLI CALLED THE POLICE, THE POLICE ARRIVED AND POKED ME WITH A FLASHLIGHT, I HIT THE OFFICER AND THAT ACTION RESULTED IN AN ASSAULT AND BATTERY ON AN OFFICER CHARGE, I THEN PULLED THE COVERS OVER MY HEAD, AND THAT ACTION RESULTED IN A RESISTING ARREST CHARGE. I RECEIVED 100 HOURS COMMUNITY SERVICE DURING WHICH I DUG SEVERAL IRRIGATION DITCHES FOR THE TOWN OF GOFFSTOWN.
2.
I ARRIVED HOME AT SPIGS (MY GIRLFRIEND) AND TOMASELLI’S APT. VERY LATE AND INTOXICATED. I DECIDED THAT I WANTED TO COOK FROZEN MICROWAVE BURRITOS IN THE TOASTER OVEN. THERE WERE NONE TO BE HAD, SO I DECIDED TO TURN THE TOASTER OVEN ON ANYWAY AND TAKE ALL OF MY CLOTHES OFF. I THEN CLIMBED ON THE COUNTER AND PISSED INTO THE TOASTER OVEN CAUSING A FIRE, WAKING THE GIRLS UP AND MAKING A LARGE MESS.
3.
ONE NIGHT WHILE DRINKING HEAVILY WITH MY ROOMMATES AT DANIEL PLUMMER ROAD, I DECIDED TO SHOW THEM MY TALENT FOR RIDING A BIKE BACKWARDS. THROUGH MUCH COAXING, I REMOVED MY CLOTHES. I THEN PROCEEDED TO RIDE DOWN DANIEL PLUMMER WHEN I ENCOUNTERED AN OFFICER OF THE LAW ON FOOT PATROL. HE MADE ME RETURN HOME AND PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON, REMARKING THAT NO CHARGES WOULD BE FILED IF I STAYED IN THE YARD. BOTH THE OFFICER AND MY ROOMMATES WERE KEELING OVER WITH LAUGHTER.
4.
WE WERE READY TO LEAVE ON A FRIDAY / SATURDAY ROAD TRIP FOR HOCKEY AT COLBY COLLEGE IN WATERVILLE MAINE AND SATURDAY AFTERNOON AT BOWDOIN IN BRUNSWICK MAINE WHEN TOPHER LECLERC AND I DECIDED THAT WE NEEDED BEERS FOR THE HOTEL ROOM AFTER THE COLBY GAME. AS WE PROCEEDED WELL INTO THE STATE OF MAINE THE BUS BEGAN TO ENCOUNTER MECHANICAL PROBLEMS. IT WAS AT THAT POINT THAT THE DRIVER REALIZED WE COULD PROCEED NO FURTHER AND PULLED TO THE SIDE OF INTERSTATE 95. I BELIEVED THAT THE REPAIRS WERE FAR TO EXTENSIVE TO BE MADE ANYTIME SOON AND THE GAME WOULD MOST SURELY BE CANCELLED. IT WAS AT THAT INSTANT THAT I REALIZED MY OVERNIGHT BAG WAS FILLED WITH BEER. TOPHER AND I PROCEEDED TO DRINK HEAVILY, IN OUR SLIGHTLY INTOXICATED STATE. WE WERE NOT AWARE THAT ANOTHER REPLACEMENT BUS HAD ARRIVED AND THE GAME WOULD BE DELAYED 30 MINUTES. WE ARRIVED AT COLBY DRESSED QUICKLY AND PLAYED THE GAME, WINNING 5-4, TOPHER HAD 2 GOALS AND I HAD A GOAL AND AN ASSIST. I BELIEVE THAT THE DRINKING LIFTED MY GAME TO A NEW LEVEL. DRINKING WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
5.
ON OUR ROAD TRIPS, SEMI FORMAL ATTIRE WAS REQUIRED. I LEFT THE LOCKER ROOM EN ROUTE TO THE BUS WEARING WRINKLED PANTS, A VISION STREETWEAR SHIRT, A THIN BLACK TIE, AND A PAIR OF SNEAKERS THAT LIGHTED UP IN THE HEELS AS I WALKED ALONG.
6.
ONE NIGHT AFTER A HOCKEY GAME, MY PARENTS VISITED MY HOUSE. THEY BROUGHT WITH THEM MY BAG OF CLEAN LAUNDRY. ONE WEEK LATER THEY WERE UP FOR A GAME AND AGAIN VISITED MY HOUSE. MY MOTHER ASKED MY ROOMMATES IF WE ENJOYED THE COLD MEATS SHE HAD BOUGHT THE PREVIOUS WEEK. I SAID "WHAT COLD MEATS?" SHE SAID, "I LEFT A POUND OF HAM AND A POUND OF CHEESE ON THE TOP OF YOUR LAUNDRY PILE IN THE BAG OF CLOTHES" MY MOTHER AND MY ROOMMATES SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT I HADN'T OPENED MY BAG OF CLEAN LAUNDRY FOR A WEEK. THE GROUP BURST OUT IN LAUGHTER. THE HAM WAS SLIMY AND THE CHEESE WAS GREEN.
7.
ONE NIGHT I DECIDED THAT I WANTED HASH BROWNS, BUT QUICKLY REALIZED THAT MC DONALDS DIDN'T SERVE THEM AFTER 11:30 AM. I THEN RACED TO SHAWS AND BOUGHT A LARGE BOX OF INSTANT MASHED POTATOES. I WENT HOME, PRE-HEATED MY FAVORITE FRYING PAN TILL IT WAS REAL HOT, AND BEGAN TO PREPARE THE INSTANT POTATOES. AS SOON AS THEY WERE DONE, I REACHED INTO THE POT AND STARTED TO FORM INTO A BALL THE INSTANT POTATOES. THEY WERE VERY HOT AND WERE DIFFICULT TO HANDLE. I THREW THE FIRST ONE ON THE FRYING PAN HOPING TO DUPLICATE THE HASH BROWNS FROM MC DONALDS. THE HOUSE QUICKLY FILLED WITH A SMOKE SO PERVASIVE THAT IT WAS PENETRATING THE CEILING TO SCOTT’S ROOM WHERE HE WAS STUDYING FOR AN ECONOMICS EXAM. I MANAGED TO MAKE SOME HASH BROWNS, BUT THE FINAL PRODUCT WAS MINIMAL AT BEST.
8.
ON NEW YEARS EVE, I WAS SKIING DOWN THE SLOPES OF WATERVILLE VALLEY WHEN I HIT A GREAT JUMP ONLY TO BLIND SIDE ANOTHER SKIER WEARING A RED JACKET AND HAT, THE SKIER WIPED OUT TERRIBLY WHILE I REMAINED UNFAZED BY THE INCIDENT. LATER ON, SCOTTY WAS ON THE LIFT WITH A MAN HOLDING HIS ARM AND COMPLAINING OF SORENESS. HE REMARKED THAT SOME CRAZY KID IN A RED AND WHITE JACKET WITH BLOND HAIR WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS BY SKIING RECKLESSLY. AT THAT INSTANT, SCOTTY LOOKED BACK 2 LIFT CHAIRS AND SAW ME SMILING BROADLY UNAWARE THAT THE MAN I NEARLY INJURED SERIOUSLY WAS 2 LIFTS AHEAD.
9.
BILLY AND BRIAN VISITED ME IN JACKSONVILLE IN THE FALL OF 1996. I TOOK THEM OUT ONE NIGHT TO A BAR THAT IS FREQUENTED BY THE JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS FOOTBALL TEAM. THEY KNEW ME BECAUSE I WAS A STAR ON THE JACKSONVILLE BULLETS HOCKEY TEAM. I WAS MAKING FUN OF THEM ALL NIGHT, CALLING THEM "FUCKING PUSSIES" BECAUSE THEY ONLY PLAYED ONE GAME PER WEEK. THEY DID NOT AGREE WITH ME, BUT KNEW WE WERE ONLY HAVING FUN.
10.
FOR FATHERS DAY IN 1997 I RECEIVED A TRAMPOLINE FROM MY WIFE. ONE DAY WHILE DRINKING ON THE ROOF WITH SHATTUCK, I DECIDED TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF ONTO THE TRAMPOLINE INTENDING TO JUMP BACK ON THE ROOF USING THE FORCE OF THE TRAMPOLINE. I JUMPED AND THE TRAMPOLINE PROPELLED ME QUITE A BIT HIGHER THAN I WAS WHEN I INITIALLY JUMPED. I LOST CONTROL AND CAME CRASHING DOWN ONTO THE SIDE OF THE TRAMPOLINE CUTTING MY FACE SEVERELY. I REQUIRED MANY STITCHES.
