"Over 50% of all women will experience physical violence in an intimate relationship," according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence's website (1999). Historically, wife abuse occurred frequently; however, because women were considered property these crimes were not taken seriously. Our societal beliefs have changed so that we now object to such barbarism. In the past couple of decades our society is finally beginning to recognize that an alarming number of women are in abusive relationships. Many feel trapped and terrified while others dutifully tolerate the abuse. Still others feel they actually deserve the abuse because their sense of self-worth is so low. Statistics show that abusers and victims grew up in abusive homes and these couples perpetuate the problem by raising children in an atmosphere of violence, thus creating individuals who often continue the cycle of abuse. Women in abusive relationships do not leave promptly because of cultural beliefs, economic factors and personal fears; as long as these factors remain, a cycle of violence will continue.

Cultural beliefs often deter women from leaving abusive partners. As previously mentioned, for centuries women were considered property and many husbands beat and abused their wives habitually. Although our society claims that wife abuse is not acceptable, we continue to see evidence that some husbands still believe they have the right to abuse their wives. Unfortunately, many of these abused women do not see the abuse as such, believing the occasional punch to be normal, acceptable behavior. Another cultural conviction which many adhere to is the Judeo-Christian dogma which teaches that men are the ones in control and women are to be submissive and obedient. These religious teachings are very deeply ingrained in many men and women and they find it difficult to abandon these abusive principles. There is also a powerful societal stigma to being single and unattached. We live in a society which places great importance on couplehood and women know they will lose social status if they leave the marriage, so this aspect can be another factor which prevents women from leaving. A woman may find that her married friends avoid her and even find her a threat once she becomes a single person. There is the disgrace of being a statistic, of being a divorcee. Some people espouse the false belief that women deserve to be abused and still others believe that what happens between a husband and his wife is nobody's business but the couples'. There is a belief as well "that a single parent family is unacceptable, and that even a violent father is better than no father at all" (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (1999). Women stay in abusive relationships for more than cultural reasons though — there is also the economic factor.

Women who are in abusive relationships often have limited economic resources. Many abused wives are also stay at home mothers with little or no access to cash or bank accounts. As a result of having been the stay at home parent they may have limited job skills and when they do become employed they usually have a difficult time making ends meet, because women typically make less money than men for the exact same jobs. As Richmond-Abbott (1992, 234) points out, "After divorce, the income of the custodial single-parent mother falls an average 73 percent and that of the non-custodial father rises 41 percent". A woman who was employed during the marriage is penalized if she leaves her spouse because the credit rating is often in the husband's name. Most women don't realize they will not have a credit rating apart from their husband and many husbands might feel offended if their wives insisted on building their own credit rating. Both spouses may suspect the woman is planning a separation, otherwise, why else worry about a credit rating? Custodial mothers often live at poverty level and have little or no leisure time due to the fact that they are solely responsible for household chores, cooking, shopping, childcare and everything that goes along with being a family. Even something as simple as car ownership becomes more complicated for the single mom. The costs of maintaining a car are expensive and repair costs are often exorbitant, if an honest repair shop can be found. Daycare and babysitting fees are hefty. Housing costs are phenomenal and "according to the Arizona Department of Commerce, there is a 'desperate' shortage of rentals below $600 per month" (The Arizona Republic, 1999, B6). Along with the economic problems are the fears a woman may face when she contemplates leaving the abuser.

There are many personal fears that go along with leaving an abusive relationship. Women in these abusive situations "may develop 'learned helplessness' as a result of their general dependency and low self-esteem" (Richmond-Abbott, 1992, 237). Sometimes these victimized women move from one abusive situation to the next, desperate to be with a man—any man—so great is the fear of being alone. Some women find themselves to be caught in a double bind: they fear men, yet they fear being alone. Women feel vulnerable without a man to protect them. The feelings of being helpless and incapable are often magnified because of the abuse the woman has withstood. Many women fear for their lives and the lives of their children if they try to leave the abuser. Abusive husbands may threaten injury and death for wives who try to leave the relationship. If a woman leaves the home and her possessions and children, she can be charged with "desertion" and may lose her belongings and her children (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1999). Many people optimistically and naively suggest that the wife file for an order of protection, but many abusive husbands do not fear these orders and most victimized women realize this. Victims know the abuser will simply break into the woman's place of residence, threaten, beat and abuse her and leave before the police have a chance to arrive. Most women cannot remain in the family home if they want to leave the relationship, they must locate a domestic violence shelter which can protect them and assist the women in getting their lives together. These shelters often have long waiting lists and the woman must tolerate abuse as she secretly plans to leave. It is horrifying that women must endure this kind of abuse.

In order to make changes, we must first educate each individual in the legal system, from caseworkers to judges, police officers to conciliation workers. We must enlighten them to the plight of abused wives. Many women who seek assistance from those in power are often victimized further when trying to get help. The judge may reprimand the wife, telling her that a shelter is no place to raise children, when the woman had no other choice but to seek protection from her abuser at a domestic violence shelter. A conciliation worker may flippantly tell a woman that the relationship couldn't have been that bad since she stayed for so many years, not realizing exactly how destructive this can be to the victimized woman. Women themselves must be educated to understand what abuse is, so hopefully they will avoid entering into relationships with men who will abuse them. More shelters need to be opened so that women can escape abusive situations more readily. As it is currently, there are lengthy waiting lists, especially if the abused wife plans to bring her dependent children. The cycle of abuse must be stopped and I believe one significant way will be to stop abusing children and treating them as property. If children were treated as equals, they would grow up confident of their right to be treated equally, as well as having mastered the ability to treat others as equals. The modeling and treatment that many children receive is that they are not equal—that they are to be obedient and submissive and tolerate abuse (sound familiar?). It is difficult—if not impossible—to spend the first 18 years of one's life as property and then suddenly have the ability to treat others as equals and insist on being treated equally. Most young men are bursting with anger at having been controlled and treated inferior their entire childhood and are usually able to find uninformed women who are equally certain their lot in life is to be dominated and abused. As mentioned earlier, these angry, abused parents then go on to repeat this vicious cycle with their own offspring.

The cycle of violence continues because personal fears, economic factors and cultural beliefs cause women to stay in abusive relationships much longer than they should. We must strive to abolish these damaging factors because no one deserves to be abused. Each and every individual—men, women and children—must be educated and assured of their value and worth as human beings. Perhaps then we can work on breaking the cycle of abuse in our society and make better lives for our future generations.

WORKS CITED

Lack of affordable housing is no game. (1999, June 16). [Editorial]. The Arizona Republic, p. B6.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. (1999). The problem. Retrieved July 11, 1999 from the World Wide Web: http://www.ncadv.org/problem.htm

Richmond-Abbott, Marie. Masculine and feminine: gender roles over the life cycle. (2nd Ed.). McGraw-Hill, Inc., 1992.

This page created July 11, 1999.