January 8, 2002

Scene I - The Palace

Renee: The maitre d' told me that you were here. I thought it must be a mistake.

Gabrielle: Well, of course I'm here. This is the best restaurant and hotel in town. Oh, I shall be needing a suite tonight, too, Renee.

Renee: What you need and what you get are two very different things.

Scene II - The Palace

Gabrielle: Well, you're being exceedingly rude.

Renee: You ain't seen nothing yet.

Gabrielle: Is this how you treat your guests in this establishment?

Renee: I get testy when moochers try to stiff me.

Gabrielle: I am hardly a moocher. I'm still mrs. Asa buchanan.

Renee: The name may be the only thing you take away from that marriage.

Gabrielle: I beg your pardon, Renee. I happen to have an ironclad prenuptial agreement which will leave me rather well off as a matter of fact.

Asa: Your prenup is about as worthless as you are.

Gabrielle: You cannot shut me out, Asa. You are the fraud. You're the one who wanted to send me to prison for the rest of my life for a crime I didn't commit.

Asa: Really? It was a matter of my survival, and you know it. I had to fake my death before you and your bloodsucking boyfriend did me in for real.

Gabrielle: That is not true.

Asa: Oh, you messed with the wrong guy, lady. You get nada, nothing.

Gabrielle: We'll see about that. I can hire a lawyer, too.

Asa: Oh, what are you going to buy him with? Looks to me like you only got one thing to sell. Anyway, it's too late. This sick joke of a marriage is being annulled as we speak.

Gabrielle: You cannot get away with this. I have legal documents.

Asa: Good. Then why don't you use them?

Renee: You know, with any luck at all, maybe they'll both kill each other off.

Bo: Look, I'll haul them both out of here for you.

Renee: Are you kidding? No way. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

Scene III - The Palace

Gabrielle: Asa, I don't care how many lawyers and judges you buy. You don't have grounds to annul this marriage.

Renee: Bo, exactly what is Asa's legal situation right now?

Bo: He and nigel are both out on bail, but fraud and conspiracy charges are still pending.

Renee: Well, so as usual, my ex thinks everyone else is in the wrong but him.

Asa: That is bull. This is a marriage in name only. And if it comes to it, my lawyers will destroy you in court.

Bo: Maybe they will, maybe they won't, Pa, but right now I think you should worry about what happens to you in court.

Hank: Hello, Renee.

Renee: Hey!

Hank: Listen, I know we're late, but can you still honor our reservation?

Rae: It's my fault, Renee. I was unavoidably detained.

Renee: No problem. I have an excellent table that may be free any moment now.

Asa: Any judge or jury would understand why i'm trying to protect myself against this pariah and her paramour.

Rae: Well, I see -- the conquering hero.

Renee: In all his dreadful glory.

Rae: Oh, see, I told you I was right. Dead is better.

Scene IV - The Palace

Gabrielle: Bo, I would be more than happy to testify to everything that my husband did.

Bo: Well, it may come to that.

Asa: Wait a minute. Hold it, both of you. If it's legal, I may be testifying against her.

Gabrielle: Who are you kidding? You planned this from the beginning. You wanted to frame Max for this ststagageded murur murde mur m

going to do. What are you talking about? You told me this yourself!

Asa: And you weren't? Who would ever believe a lying jailbird tramp like you, huh?

Gabrielle: A jury, that's who, and I will tell the truth so incredibly well that they won't have choice but to believe me.

Asa: You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on your butt.

Bo: Hey, that's enough.

Asa: You believe this one over me?

Bo: I didn't say that.

Asa: Where's your loyalty?

Bo: Where's your sense of decency? You let everyone that loves you believe that you were dead.

Asa: I was running away from two cold-blooded killers.

Bo: Oh, yeah. You keep saying that.

Gabrielle: I will never be railroaded into prison again for a crime that I did not commit! Now, I will get a lawyer. Somehow I will get a lawyer, and it'll be a good one. And I will fight you and I will win. Do you hear me, Asa? I will win!

Asa: I hear! Now, you hear me. Nobody beats Asa Buchanan. You got that? And that includes you, Bo.

Bo: Well, there's always a first time.

Asa: You know, this is damn perverse, a son trying to trap his own father!

Bo: It's my job, Pa. You know what you think your job is? You think your job is to put your family through hell every chance you get.

Asa: Oh, please, Bo. What, do you want to play hardball? I've lined up the best talented lawyers this country's got.

Bo: Well, how are you going to pay for them? All your assets are frozen.

Asa: You wouldn't dare.

Bo: Yours and cpt. Jeb stuart's, so I wouldn't worry about Gabrielle getting ahold of your money. You don't have any money to get.

Scene V - The Palance

Asa: You can't do this, son. It's my money.

Bo: It's already done.

Asa: Well, just get it undone.

Bo: Bank accounts, stock portfolios, drilling proceeds -- they're all frozen.

Gabrielle: Well, brother, can you spare a dime?

Asa: You get the hell out of my face. You're going to regret this, Bo.

Bo: I don't think so.

Gabrielle: Well, justice has been done. Hallelujah!

Asa: Oh, you're funny. Justice. I'll show you justice. I'm going to make sure you're put away for attempted murder.

Max: Well, if it isn't my two favorite people -- at each other's throats, right where they belong.

Asa: What the hell is this would-be killer walking around free? And why wasn't he locked up last year for impersonating a Buchanan?

Bo: Well, Pa, last year you wouldn't press charges against him. Why not? I mean, what did he have on you?

Max: Go oelhim.

Gabrielle: Yeah, I'd like to know that, too.

Asa: Oh, yeah? When hell freezes over.

Rae: Asa --

Asa: What?

Rae: I need to speak to you.

Asa: Oh. Get lost. I don't have anything to say to you.

Scene VI - The Palace

Rae: The judge thinks you do.

Asa: Oh, really? Well, that's his opinion. I have my own.

Rae: Well, if I understand it correctly, if you don't meet all of his conditions, you're going to end up in jail yourself.

Asa: Oh, we'll see about that after I have a nice chat with your honor.

Rae: Asa, call me. We'll make an arrangement for your meeting next week. Oh, Hank. Sometimes I wish that I had picked another career.

Hank: You and me both.

Gabrielle: Well, perhaps Dr. Rae can help you with all your pent-up frustration, sweetheart.

Asa: You know what would really help me, sweetheart? Knowing that the two of you were rotting away in some prison.

Renee: Asa, Max, Gabrielle, this is my joint. I want you to get out now. Don't come back. You're not welcome.

Asa: Oh, Gabrielle, before I go, I'm on my way to get my assets thawed out. Would you like me to drop you off at the homeless shelter on the way?

Gabrielle: It's not like I haven't been to one before, but, thanks, anyway.

Bo: She's not going to a homeless shelter. She's going to be staying with me.