The Iron is Hot - Cordelia & Wesley
In Time
Author: AngelChase
E-mail: angelchase2001@yahoo.com
Site: http://www.oocities.org/angelchase2001
Summary: Wesley's decided to give it time
Pairing: Cordelia/Wesley
Content: Very Short POV
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst-ish
Note: It's not much, but I had to get it out of my system.
Disclaimer: They are not mine.
Distribution: Take it, just share the URL with me, please.
Feedback: If you want to, I won't stop you.
We all make mistakes. Even when we are intending good, things don't always turn out the way they are supposed to. I never intended to come out as the hero, but I didn't expect to be the villain either.
But things got better. Eventually. I guess you could say I managed my way inside their hearts again. Some may not be very pleased, but I am there. Even when they don't want to, they talk to me. They have to, sure. But they talk to me.
Everyone… but her.
I always thought Cordelia would be the one who'd come knocking on my door when she got back from her holidays in Mexico. But that never happened.
I wouldn't have cared if she came storming inside my apartment, shouting at me for being such an arse. I had expected her to be mad at me. I was sure she'd be disappointed. But she avoided me. She ignored me. And that hurt more than if she had punched me in the nose and kicked me in the stomach.
She stayed with Angel. She obviously decided Angel needed her the most. Or she decided that I wasn't worthy of her compassion. What was she thinking, I still don't know.
What did she feel when she got back? How did she feel about me or what I had done? I still don't know.
I waited for her to come knocking on my door, looking for some sort of explanation, or at least for old times sake. But she never did. She used to be my confident, my best friend. I'm going to make a hopeful assumption and think I was hers too. But if I was, I believe it didn't matter to her because she kept herself away from me.
At that time, I didn't have the guts to go talk to her. Actually, I wasn't supposed to come near the Hyperion and probably not even near her. Still, I spent many nights standing close to her apartment, trying to get the courage to ring her doorbell, wondering if she'd let me in, if she'd be willing to hear my side of the story.
But time went by. The knock on my door never came. Neither did the courage.
Now here we stay, together in the same room and still so far away. We are still not talking to each other. All we manage to exchange is a polite good afternoon greeting.
I see her dealing with Angel and Connor and I wonder if she misses me. I wonder if she misses our confident talks. I wonder if she wants to know whether I am going to pursue Fred or not. I wonder if she wants to know why I slept with Lilah.
Gunn asks me something about the beast and I mumble a reply. She looks at me, listening to my explanation. It doesn't satisfy her, so she goes back to the book she's reading.
I wonder if I should talk to her. Should I even try? I never had that problem before with Cordelia. She was always the one to come to me, wondering what I was doing, pushing my limits with remarks about my wardrobe or with jokes about my lack of a life.
She always took the initiative, but I wonder if I should make the first move this time. It seems like she doesn't even care, but I'll refuse to believe that.
Denial and I are such good old friends. We've been through a lot. We've worked together trying to pretend she really was attempting to get rid of the visions when she kissed me. It was easier that way.
As I ache for missing Cordelia so much, I refuse to dig deeper in the causes of the hurt and my feelings for her. I assure myself that they are only feelings of friendship, tortured by the lack of feedback.
The memories of the palms of my hands caressing the soft skin of her lower back while our lips danced together come to me over and over again. But that's only because I miss her and I refuse to believe she doesn't even care about me.
Whether the explanation I give myself is true or not, it doesn't matter right now.
I'd settle with having her friendship back. In time.
The End