PART THIRTY SIX.

I skipped down the stairs, lightly humming to myself. I had to try hard to refrain from singing out loud, I was just so happy, I couldn’t contain it. My humming grew louder as I opened the door and stepped out on to the street, the heat hitting me like a wall. I planned on going back to my parents place, changing clothes, watering the plants, calling Kelly then coming back to see Paul. Kelly would be thrilled, she had been hinting at this for ages. My smile grew even bigger as I tried to picture Tim’s reaction. I had to force myself to stop grinning though, when I noticed that people were giving me odd looks.

I crossed the road to the bus stop and glanced up at one of the windows of the building I had just come from. When he saw me look up, Paul waved. He had a smile on his face that I’m sure mirrored my own. He mouthed something to me, but I couldn’t make out what it was. I shrugged and he pointed at his watch, trying again. This time I understood perfectly.

"Hurry back!"

I nodded and smiled up at him. As I watched him, I saw the smile on his face melt away, replaced by a look of terror. His mouth opened and he hit his fist against the window. Then things started moving in slow motion.

Someone screamed. I turned my head in the direction of the noise. There was a car, on the footpath, coming towards me. I stood, rooted to the spot. My limbs ignored all my orders at them to move as I looked at the driver. It was Tony, Steve’s cousin. He’d been involved in the siege. My legs finally obeyed and began to move ... but not soon enough.

I actually felt the car hit me, pain exploding in my hip. Then I was flying, it was almost peaceful. I saw Paul at the window, a horrified expression on his face, mouth forming a silent scream. Then I saw the ground coming closer and closer.

Then there was nothing at all.

PART THIRTY SEVEN

I don’t remember opening my eyes ... had they been open all along? One minute there was nothing, just black, and the next there was a pin point of light. As I looked at it, the light grew bigger and bigger. I realised I was standing up ... how did that happen? I looked more closely, there was someone standing in the light. They were coming towards me, the light growing around them.

"Where are we" I asked.

"I don’t know," they replied.

Images flashed through my head, a face in a window, people running, red. Just the colour red.

"What happened?" I asked. The person was very close now, head bowed so I couldn’t see their face.

"There was an accident," they said.

"What accident?"

"You ... you were ..."

I reached out and touched the person. Paul raised his head, his eyes filled with tears.

"You were hit by a car. Someone went off the road and hit you."

"Oh." I looked around, but there was nothing around us ... nothing at all. It was as if we were the only things that existed.

"So what’s this place? Why are we here?"

"I don’t know," Paul said as he looked at me.

"Am ... am I dead?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"After the accident you went into a coma. You’ve been unconscious ever since."

"How long?"

"Eleven days."

"I remember, it was a red car. I keep seeing your face ... you were the last thing I thought about."

"Maybe that’s why I’m here."

"Is this a dream?" I asked.

"If it is then I don’t want to wake up."

"Why?"

"Because here, I’m with you again. You’re standing in front of me, talking to me. I can hold you in my arms again." He put his arms around me, pulling me tight against him. "I miss holding you, talking to you."

There was silence.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"You’re baby ..."

"Did he die?" I asked.

"Did you want him to?" Paul asked.

"No. I loved him, despite what I said. I thought it would be easier to let go if I told myself that I didn’t care, didn’t want him. But I did. I cared about him so much, wanted him so badly."

"He’s not dead."

"No?"

"No. He’s getting better, almost ready to leave the hospital. The doctors are amazed."

"Thank God. What’s going to happen to him?"

"Your parents are going to take him home. But Sam ..."

"What?"

"Before he can leave, they need to name him."

I looked Paul in the eyes. His eyes were sad, I felt as though they were staring directly into my soul ... and I into his.

"Name him for me," I said. "You know the right names for him ... what I want ... what he needs." Paul nodded and held me close again.

The only sounds were our hearts, beating in unison.

Then gradually, inch by inch Paul began to move away. He was crying, tears spilling down his cheeks as he moved further and further away.

"Samantha," I heard him say when he was almost out of sight, lost in the darkness, "I love you. I always will."

Then there was nothing at all.

PART THIRTY EIGHT

It was so dark, like nothing existed at all, just darkness. I became aware that I could hear my heart beating, but only faintly. An image appeared ... a face in a window. It was Paul, a smile frozen on his face. Then it changed, a look of horror and his mouth open wide in a scream that I couldn’t hear.

"No," I thought, "this isn’t how I want to remember him."

The smile returned and along with it a look in his eyes that I would never forget. His eyes were so bright, shining not with tears but a different emotion ... one so strong that it could overcome him.

Love.

There was no feeling, just the faint sound of my heart.

Then other sounds began to creep in ... a faint beep that matched my heart beat and muffled whispers. I concentrated on the voices I could hear, wanting to make out what was being said. Ever so gradually they became clearer.

"You should go home," a woman’s voice said.

"I’m not leaving her," a man responded firmly.

"You need to rest."

"No, I’m fine. I need to be here ... with her." I recognised the voice, it was Paul. I heard a door close.

"Paul," a different voice said. It was another man.

"Leave me alone," Paul said fiercely. There was a long pause. "I’m sorry Tim." Paul’s voice was softer. "But I can’t leave her ... I just can’t."

"I know," Tim said. "Have you slept at all?"

"A little. But every time I close my eyes I see it. The car, the look on her face ... the way she hit the ground." It sounded like he was crying. "I loved her so much. Why did I wait so long to tell her?"

"Paul, she knows how you feel. That’s what’s important. And she felt the same way about you. I’d known Sam for years, she never cared about anyone the way she did about you. It was obvious."

There was another sound ... the cry of a baby. My son. I wished I could see him.

"He has her eyes," Paul said.

"I can’t believe the way he recovered," Tim said.

"I just wish that Sam could see him ... see how perfect he his and hold him in her arms ..." his words trailed off.

"You look so comfortable holding him," Tim said.

"Yeah, it just feels right somehow."

"Did she ever talk about him?" Tim asked.

"No, she didn’t."

"I don’t understand how she could have been so detached. How could she not care about her own son?"

"She did care. She loved him so much, it broke her heart when she thought he’d die. She was just scared that it would be even harder if she let herself love him. She couldn’t have handled losing him. But she really did love him and want him."

"How do you know? You just said she never spoke about it."

"She didn’t. I don’t know how, but I just know it."

"The same way you knew what to name him?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, I guess so," replied Paul.

"I think she’d like it," Tim said.

"I know she would." Again there was a pause. "I’m glad her parents have agreed to let me be part of his life."

There was only silence for a while. The I heard Paul’s voice again.

"This is really happening isn’t it?" His voice sounded dead.

"I wish it weren’t, but yes. There’s nothing more they can do, it’s already been two weeks."

"God I miss her Tim. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her." Paul broke down, crying hard. "I don’t want her to die. Please god, why do you have to take her? Why now? Why are you taking her away from me? I don’t want her to die," he sobbed.

The only sounds were his sobs which gradually faded away. Once again there was only the faint beating of my heart, then it too began to fade away until there was only complete silence.

PART THIRTY NINE

So for the second time I saw my own funeral, only this time I knew it wasn’t a dream ... it was real. I was there but not there. I could see and hear people, they were unaware of my presence. I had no body, no feeling, as if I were just a part of the breeze, yet I was aware of everything around me.

Throughout the service I kept my eyes on two people, watching them, listening to them. Paul was holding a beautiful, perfect baby in his arms ... cradling my son against his chest. I was glad they were both here, glad that my son was alive. He deserved a chance at life. I just hoped that one day he will be as happy as I was the day I died.

I died.

It doesn’t seem real, that I’m dead. I can still see people. Is this what happens to people when they die?

I drifted towards Paul, he was talking to Mikey. The funeral was over and people were beginning to leave.

"How are you coping?" Mikey asked.

"I’m not," Paul answered, tears on his cheeks.

"Do you want me to take him back to his grandparents?"

"No, he’s fine here. I want to hold him ... he’s the only real thing I have left of her."

"You have memories," Mikey said.

"I know, but you can’t hold a memory or kiss it goodnight. He’s part of her, I can see so much of her in him. Go ... I’ll be up in a bit." Mikey put his hand on Paul’s shoulder, then followed the rest of the people away from the grave. Paul came over to the headstone and knelt down.

"Samantha ... I miss you so much. I would have given anything to stop this from happening ... to have you back." He paused. "Sam, this is your son. He’s a wonderful baby ... happy ... healthy and beautiful. He’s so much like you. I hope you don’t mind, I named him for you. I want you to meet Scott Paul Brodie."

If I were able to I would have cried. That was the perfect name for my son, exactly what I would have chosen.

Paul stood up. "Goodbye Samantha. I love you, I always will ... always." He stood looking at the grave. I looked closely at my son ... pinned on to his tiny jacket was a charm ... a gold angel holding a small sapphire.

"Please," I thought, "look after him."

"Sam?" I heard a voice behind me ask. I turned around.

"Scott? Is that you?" My cousin was standing off to the side of the cemetery, waving me towards him.

"Yes, it’s time for you to go now."

"What do you mean go? I don’t want to leave them."

"I’m sorry Sam, you have to." Scott came towards me and reached out a hand. I looked at Paul who was crying next to my grave, holding my son.

"I don’t want to leave them," I whispered as Scott touched me. We started moving upwards. I took one last look at Paul and my son as they slowly moved away from the grave, then everything dissolved into a warm flood of light and the earth disappeared ... forever.

Then I could hear my heart beating again, a faint ‘thump ... thump’ coming out of the dark. Slowly other sounds began to creep back in as well, the beeping of machines and people moving around and talking.

"Where is he?" I heard a man ask.

"One of the nurses made him go." I think it was Mikey talking. "He needed to get some rest and clean himself up a bit."

"He’s been here nearly the whole time hasn’t he?" the first man asked.

"Yeah," said Mikey. "He wouldn’t leave ... he refused to. He’s been home maybe four times in three weeks. We brought him some clothes so he could stay with her."

"It’s been hard for him."

"Very."

"Well I think he should be here now, he needs to be."

"I’ve already called him," Mikey said. "He’s on his way."

I let the voices face away and concentrated on the thudding beat of my heart.

I heard voices again, a bit further away this time ... out in the hall. Paul and Mikey were talking.

"Are you sure?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, I am," Mikey said.

"What happened?"

"I don’t know," Mikey said. "They just asked me to call you, they thought you’d want to be here now."

"Yeah, of course," Paul said. His voice sounded odd. "But I thought ... the doctor said ..."

"I know, he can’t explain it. No one seems to know what happened."

"Can I go in there?" Paul asked. There was no reply, just the soft sound of timid footsteps coming into the room.

"Hi," I said weakly as I opened my eyes. Paul just stood, staring at me, tears beginning to fall from his eyes. I was sitting in bed, propped up with pillows.

"Oh my God, Sam?" He almost ran to the bed and took hold of my hand. Then he gently touched my face and hair. "I ... they said you were dying." He kissed my hands. "You’re alive ... you’re really alive."

This was almost a question.

"Yes," I said hoarsely.

"How do you feel? Are you in pain?"

"It’s not too bad. My legs the worst thing." I had a cast on my right leg from my hip to my toes. My ribs were also padded, but not too sore.

"But ... but you’re alive!" He really was in shock. "They were so sure you were going to die, you were in a coma for more than three weeks." His eyes were glistening and his hands were shaking as they smoothed the hair on my forehead.

"You didn’t think I’d leave you or my son did you?" I asked, my voice weak and shaking.

Paul sat down, taking hold of my hand again.

"Have they told you about him?" he asked.

"No, but I know he’s going to be okay."

"How?"

"I had a dream. I told you how much I wanted my baby, loved my son. You told me he’d be okay, he was getting better."

"And you said I should name him," Paul said, a look of wonder on his face. "You didn’t tell me what, but when I woke up I just knew what his name should be."

We just looked at each other, trying to in some way comprehend what we were saying.

"You told me that I was the last thing you thought about when you were hit," Paul said.

"And you told me that you loved me and always will," I said.

"I meant it," Paul said. "How’s this possible? We shared the same dream?"

I couldn’t answer, I didn’t know.

We both looked up as there was a noise at the door. A nurse cam in carrying a tiny baby. Paul stood and took the baby out of her arms. She left and Paul brought the baby back to the bed. I studied him ... my son. He was perfect, tiny little hands and features, a cute little nose, dark red lips. When he opened his eyes I saw that they were deep blue, exactly like mine. Pinned on to his tiny jacket was a small charm, a golden angel holding a small sapphire. My guardian angel ... keeping my son safe.

"Sam," said Paul, "I want you to meet your son. Scott Paul Brodie."

Tears fell from my eyes. "That’s the perfect name," I said. "Exactly what I wanted to call him."

"Scott," Paul said gently, looking down at the baby, "I want you to meet your mummy." He very gently placed Scott in my arms. As I looked down at my beautiful son, Paul carefully climbed on to the bed next to me. He put his arms around both of us and we sat, Paul, Scott and myself ... the three of us together as one.

THE END.