1. Before you go out on your first trip with your shepherd you should fast for two hours. No longer than that because no has ever been able to go longer than that before. While you are fasting you should be locked away in a private place in meditation opening yourself up to learn all the tricks of your trade. If you go through this purification process you will then be more likely to be a successful singer.
2. Upon successful completion of your shepherding trip you must ask your shepherd
for a blessing on your career. It is best to do this in a very public place.
Be forewarned some will not be so willing to give you such a blessing because
they do not want competition. The important thing is the act of asking for the
blessing. You must get down on one knee and hold your shepherd’s hand
if they will allow it, and say this exactly: (Shepherd’s Name) will you
please do me the honor of giving me your blessing so that I might go out and
become a skilled crystal singer. I promise to always remember what you have
taught me so long as my memory holds. I promise to always turn off my cutter
before packing so that I might keep all my original fingers so long as my memory
holds and recognizing that this is often the first memory to go among crystal
singers. I promise to always hold dear that which you have shown me and to pass
this on to new singers when I am allowed so long as my memory holds and recognizing
that this is often the second memory to go among our kind.
3. The first time you find a claim solo you must kneel down facing the east
and dedicate your life as a singer to the planet. You must promise that you
will always respect the crystal, with which you take, and take the best care
of it while it is in your possession.
4. When you first land on a claim you must leave the sled and circle it three
times and ask the crystal spirit for a good find.
5. At the landing site pinch some dirt between your fingers and hold it up to
the sky. Let it slip slowly through your fingers while listening to the wind
to quickly find the vein everytime.
6. When you find a vein before you enter you have to do ten jumping jacks and
call out “Praise be to Ballybran!” Then enter the vein to get good
quality crystal. If you enter first be prepared to find mostly rose for the
rest of your career.
7. If you should shatter a crystal while cutting you must turn off your cutter
and grab a pinch of the shards quickly toss them over your right shoulder and
say “Shards get the behind me” to prevent finding nothing but rose
crystal for your remaining decades as a crystal singer.
8. After you have cut the vein no matter what it turned out to be you must kiss
the now dead vein and hum taps in a respectful manner or you will never find
crystal again and if you do it won’t be worth cutting.
9. Before you fly back with crystal you must pat your entire self down. If you
should find a lump in your clothing then you must take one empty carton (Or
carton with room in it if there are no empties) and leave the sled. Once outside
you must pack that crystal while you give praise to the crystal spirits for
showing you the error of your ways and promise to always pack every single crystal
from now on. Then you should thank the crystal spirits that you will not become
a quivering mass of crystal singer this trip.
10. If you should forget to turn your cutter off and lose a finger or more you
should carefully prepare the lost appendages in a bowl of ice from your sled.
Once you return to JPF you must make an offering to the ancient crystal singer
Nightsong. If she accepts your offering and consumes it then you will have good
luck. If she rejects your offer and does not consume it then you will be doomed
to severing your fingers until she finds a future offer more acceptable. The
best way in which you can make your offering more pleasing to the ancient singer
is as follows. You must anoint the offering with expensive chocolate. You may
sometimes get away with anointing the offering with orange juice when your catering
unit is malfunctioning.
11. If you have been searching for a claim for days and all you have found are
previously staked claims. Go to your catering unit and order 6 glasses of orange
juice (I use orange juice because there have been many times in my career when
this is all my catering unit will dispense) pour the juice into a bowl stored
in the cargo hold for just this purpose. Remove your cutter from its brackets
and collect as much crystal dust as you can find. Put your cutter back and sprinkle
the crystal dust over the top of the bowl of juice. Go to the pilots couch and
find the hole in the upholstery that every sled has, remove a pinch of stuffing
and float that on top of the juice and dust. Then go to the sanitary unit and
collect a towel, for when you spill. While you are there find the droppings
from one creature often referred to as George, collect a spoonful of droppings
and stir them into the mixture. If you are lucky enough to be infested with
bloodworms carefully extract one worm (preferably one that is currently chewing
on you) and place it in the soup for a powerful addition to this mixture. Go
back to the cargo hold and find the corner with the most dirt that never seems
to get cleaned up scoop up a teaspoon of the slime and stir that into the bowl.
As you add the final ingredient recite this: “Oh Claim god I implore you
to show me the way to a claim of my own. I offer up the vestiges of my craft
so that you might be pleased with me and grant me a claim. Thanks be to Ballybran.”
Then open up the pilot window and pour the contents of the bowl over the ranges
as you fly by. Alternatively if this practice is distasteful to you find someone
who knows the lyrics to the song ‘I’ve Been Looking For A Claim
Site’ and get them to teach it to you. This can often be accomplished
by offering a rather large bribe of Pollywine.
12. How to cure an infestation of bloodworms when you don’t want to see
a medic. First you must order a large amount of salt (The catering unit can
be good for this.) Second you must find a claim that has water. Go to the shore
of the water be it a lake, stream, river, or ocean and take the salt and pour
out copious amounts in a circle around you. Then lay down on the ground and
roll around in the salt. After you are thoroughly coated in salt and dirt go
for a swim in the body of water. If there are fish in the water more is the
better. Using the worms as bait try and attract the fish and then make every
attempt to catch a fish with your hands. If you manage to catch a fish with
your bare hands while swimming around then you will be able to rid yourself
of the worms. With the fish in hand go and build a fire. Cook the fish and eat
it. Return to base and go straight away to your quarters. There you should immediately
take a long hot cleansing shower. This is a sure-fire way to cure an infestation
of bloodworms.