ACTUAL WRITINGS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS BY DOCTORS:
1: She has no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2: Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3: On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4: The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5: The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6: Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7: Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8: The patient refused autopsy.
9: The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10: Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11: Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past 3 days.
12: Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13: She is numb from her toes down.
14: While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
15: The skin was moist and dry.
16: Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
17: Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18: Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19: She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20: I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21: Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.
22: Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23: The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24: Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
25: Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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An O'Malley
Coincidence
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him
a drink.
"Why, of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another
round to Ireland."
"Of course," says the second.
Curious, the first asks, "Where in Ireland?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it, me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin."
"Of course."
The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is becoming unbelievable!!!" the second man said.
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's
up?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
> > > >
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
An elderly couple
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had
married and settled down in their old neighbourhood and are celebrating their
sixtieth wedding anniversary.
They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they
find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armoured car practically
at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it
so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand
dollars.
The husband says, "We've got to give it back."
She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it
up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighbourhood looking
for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either
of you find any money that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"
She says, "No."
The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us
the story from the beginning."
The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school
yesterday . . . "
The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.