More essay practice skills Home Tutorial 11
Objective: Given a paragraph, the student will select the topic sentence.
Directions: Read each paragraph and select the sentence which best expresses the main idea.
1. Birds eat with their beaks. Different kinds of birds eat different foods. Some birds open their beaks and eat food from the air. Some birds have long beaks to cut holes in trees and dig out food. Some birds have strong hooks on their beaks so that they can tear their food. Birds have different kinds of beaks because they eat different foods.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) Birds eat with their beaks.
(b) Birds have different kinds of beaks because they eat different foods.
(c) Some birds open their beaks and eat food from the air .
(d) Some birds have strong beaks to cut holes in trees and dig out food.
2. For many years people have wished they could fly through the air like birds. Skydivers have found a way to fly without a machine. They jump from an airplane and fall at the rate of 120 miles an hour. The fall is so smooth that they don't feel like they're moving at all. When they pull the ripcord on their parachute they float the rest of the way to the ground.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) Skydivers have found a way to fly without a machine.
(b) The fall is so smooth that they don't feel like they're moving at all.
(c) For many years people have wished they could fly through the air like birds.
(d) They jump from an airplane and fall at the rate of 120 miles an hour.
3. Wilma Rudolph was very sick when she was four. She could not move her left leg. Her mother rubbed her leg for a long time every night. When Wilma was six she would hop a little. Wilma worked hard to learn to walk and run. When she went to high school she ran on the girls' track team and won. Then she ran track in college. Wilma was so good that she went to the Olympics and won two gold medals. The little girl who could not walk grew up to be a winner through hard work.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) She could not move her left leg.
(b) Wilma Rudolph was very sick when she was four.
(c) Then she ran track in college.
(d) The little girl who could not walk grew up to be a winner through hard work.
4. Today, boys try to prove they are men in many different ways. Long ago, it was not hard for some boys to know they had become men. American Indians had ceremonies and tests for boys to prove they were men. In one tribe, boys were given drugs which made them see visions of the gods. Having a vision was the first step toward being a man. In another tribe, boys had to prove that they could stand pain. They had to lie still on ground covered with ants and let the ants bite them again and again. When the Indian boys had been through these cermonies and tests, they knew they were men.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) Today, boys try to prove they are men in many different ways.
(b) In another tribe, boys had to prove that they could stand pain.
(c) They had to lie still on ground covered with ants and let the ants bite them
again and again.
(d) When the Indian boys had been through the ceremonies and tests, they knew
they were men.
5. Dinosaurs, sabre-tooth tigers, and other prehistoric animals lived long before people knew how to write How do we know about these animals if people couldn't write books about them? Fossils give us clues. Fossils are footprints and leaves pressed into rock, bones, teeth, and even whole animals which have been preserved in ice or tar. Scientists have put fossil clues together to discover the size, weight, habits, and descriptions of early animals.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) Dinosaurs, sabre-tooth tigers, and other prehistoric animals lived long
before people knew how to write.
(b) Fossils give us clues.
(c) Fossils are footprints and leaves. . .
(d) How do we know about these animals if people couldn't write about them?
6. When we think of communication, we often think of radio or television. Communication also may be simple sounds and movements made by animals and humans. You communicate by writing, drawing, speaking, smiling, laughing, or frowning. You communicate by waving your hand or by a look on your face. Communication is simply telling or showing someone your ideas and feelings.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) When we think of communication, we often think of radio and television.
(b) Communication is simply telling or showing someone your ideas and feelings.
(c) Communication also may be simple sounds and movements.
(d) You communicate by waving your hands or by the look on your face
7. Astronauts who travel to the moon have to wear special space suits to protect them from extreme heat and cold. Days and nights last for two weeks on the moon. The two-week-long days have temperatures of 212 degrees. The two-week-long nights have temperatures of 270 degrees below zero.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) Temperatures on the moon reach 212 degrees during the days.
(b) Astronauts must wear special space suits to the moon to protect them from
extreme heat and cold.
(c) Days and nights last for two weeks on the moon.
(d) Temperatures on the moon are as low as 270 degrees below zero during the
nights.
8. All insects have six legs and a body. The head, thorax, and abdomen are the three parts of the body. An insect does not have any bones. It has a thick coat or shell. It can't grow larger until is loses its shell and grows a bigger one. Even though there are many different sizes, shapes, and colors of insects, they all have basically the some body.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) An insects does not have any bones.
(b) Insects come in many different sizes, shapes, and colors.
(c) Insects all have basically the same body.
(d) All insects have six legs and a body.
9. Animals that give milk to their young are called mammals. Mammals that carry their babies in their pouches are marsupials. Even though there are not many marsupials in the world, there are many different kinds of marsupials. Some look like cats, some look like mice, and others look like monkeys. Some marsupials are meat-eating while others eat grass and plants. Perhaps the most well-known marsupial is the kangaroo. All marsupials are alike in one way: they all carry their babies in a pouch.
The topic sentence of this paragraph is:
(a) There are many different kinds of marsupials.
(b) The most well-known marsupial is the kangaroo.
(c) Animals that give milk to their young are called mammals.
(d) All marsupials carry their babies in their pouch.
As a writer, you choose a trail which you expect your reader to follow. You must blaze the trail for him, including enough guideposts and landmarks to lead the way. Your first guidepost is your topic sentence. It expresses the main idea of your paragraph. As you read the following selection, notice that the writer has clearly expressed and supported his main idea.
Main idea with supporting details.
HE WAS A VERY BIG MAKO SHARK BUILT TO SWIM AS FAST AS THE FASTEST FISH IN THE SEA AND EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM WAS BEAUTIFUL EXCEPT HIS JAWS. His back was as blue as a swordfish's and his belly was silver, and his hide was smooth and handsome. He was built as a swordfish except for his huge jaws which were tight shut now as he swam fast, just under the surface with his high dorsal fin knifing through the water without wavering. Inside the closed double lip of his jaw, eight rows of teeth were slanted inward. They were shaped like a man's fingers when they are crisped like claws. They were nearly as long as the fingers of the old man and they had razor sharp cutting edges on both sides.
-from "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway
a. What part of the shark has Hemingway
concentrated on?
b. How has Hemingway prepared his readers for this development?
c. If the topic sentence were placed at the end, would the paragraph be as
effective? Support your answer.
http://www.lausd.k12.ca.us/lausd/resources/composition/topicsentencemodel.html
Objective: Given a a topic sentence for a paragraph, the student will select from a list of details those that are pertinent to the topic.
Directions: Read the topic sentence and the list of details following each topic sentence. On your answer sheet, identify the details that are pertinent to the topic.
1. Topic sentence: Charles Lindbergh was called the Lone Eagle because he
flew a single-engine airplane to France.
(a) The aircraft was "The Spirit of St. Louis".
(b) His mother was a devout Christian.
(c) Most bald eagles are also lonely eagles.
(d) He landed in Paris, France in 1927.
2. Topic Sentence: The orange pumpkin was in front of the house on
Halloween night.
(a) Dew was forming on the blades of grass.
(b) A lighted candle was inside the pumpkin.
(c) The pumpkin wore a black hat.
(d) The boys played football until 10:00 at night.
3. Topic Sentence: The judge questioned the prisoner about the contraband
in his possession.
(a) The police searched the prisoner.
(b) Other prisoners were in the same courtroom.
(c) The prisoner insisted he was innocent.
(d) The judge had lunch with the officer.
4. Topic Sentence: The devastating flood left debris littered in its
wake.
(a) The roaring waters boiled over the sandbags.
(b) The postman waited for the next mail delivery.
(c) The Red Cross assisted homeless families.
(d) Several blood donors had waited in lines all morning.
5. Topic Sentence: This man was somewhat short in stature, with a
tremendous chest and long sinewy arms.
(a) Most of the men were interested in bowling.
(b) His legs were bulging muscles of strength.
(c) He reminded one of a tough competitor.
(d) The boys scheduled their next football game.
6. Topic Sentence: Lake Arrowhead was so named by a tribe of Indians who
once shaped arrowheads along its banks.
(a) This was a war-like tribe of Indians.
(b) Some tribes have ancestors in Asia.
(c) All Indians believed medicine men could heal.
(d) Old arrowheads can be found near the lake today. 7. The weasel
probably is the worst animal bandit. You can't blame a meat-eating animal for
hunting his dinner. But the weasel kills more than he can eat. He follows
rabbits to their underground homes and often kills their entire families. In a
chicken house he may kill as many as 30 hens in a night. Dogs are friends of the
weasel. He is hated by animals and farmers, alike.
(a) Dogs are friends of the weasel.
(b) The weasel kills entire families of rabbits.
(c) The weasel is hated by animals and farmers.
8. Spiders travel in many different ways. Some of them can run very
rapidly on foot. Some are expert swimmers and divers. Others can walk on the
water. Other spiders can even travel great distances through the air in
parachutes which they make out of their webs. Spiders bite many times.
(a) Spiders bite many times.
(b) Some spiders travel through the air.
(c) Spiders travel in many different ways.
9. One kind of fish has no eyes. These fish are small, only about four
inches long. These fish are good to eat. They have no skulls and no bones. In
place of bones they have segments of cartilage. They seem to know when anyone is
coming close to them, for they swim away rapidly when a person gets near.
(a) These fish are good to eat.
(b) One kind of fish has no eyes.
(c) They seem to know when anything is coming close.
10. The early people of Peru founded a powerful nation. They accomplished
this because they did things much better than other people of their time. The
people of Peru are friendly. They dug ditches which carried water to the desert.
Here planting was carried on. No other people have ever made more beautiful
pottery or textiles.
(a) They did things much better than other people.
(b) The people of Peru are friendly.
(c) The early people of Peru founded a powerful nation.
11. The simple plants of the first group have neither roots, stems, nor
leaves. Most of them are very small and have a very simple body. The group is
subdivided into two classes: algae and fungi. Flowers are from seed plants.
(a) The group is subdivided into two classes: algae and fungi.
(b) Simple plants of the first group have neither roots, stems, nor leaves.
(c) Flowers are from seed plants.
DETAILS WHICH DO NOT SUPPORT - 1
Objective: Given a paragraph, the student will underline any idea which does not support the main idea as stated in the topic sentence.
Directions: Read the following paragraphs and the list of ideas which follow. On your answer sheet, mark the letters which represent an idea that does not support the main idea.
1. The woods are colorful in springtime. The leaves unfurl many shades of rich green. Flowering trees add splashes of pink and white. Early wild flowers--gold, red, and violet--peek through the darker browns, blacks, and greens of the forest floor. Here and there a jay or a cardinal flits in a blur of blue or red against the jade backdrop of trees.
(a) Summer and fall are also gorgeous seasons.
(b) Birds add to the beauty and color of the woods.
(c) The variety of color adds to springtime beauty.
(d) Jays and cardinals fly south in the fall.
2. A cornfield in July is a sultry place. The soil is hot and dry; the wind comes across the lazily murmuring leaves laden with a warm sickening smell drawn from the rapidly growing, broad-flung banners of the corn. The sun, nearly vertical, drops a flood of dazzling light upon the field over which the cool shadows run, only to make the heat seem more intense.
(a) The dry corn leaves make rustling sounds in the wind.
(b) In July, the sun shines bright and hot.
(c) August and June are much worse than July.
(d) The July rainfall cools things off.
3. A crow, so thirsty that he could not even caw, came upon a pitcher which once had been full of water. But when he put his beak into the pitcher's mouth, he found that only a little water was left in it. He tried to break the pitcher, then to overturn it, but his strength was not equal to the task.
(a) Other birds had no trouble getting water.
(b) The hot sun overhead didn't help matters any. v(c) The crow was weak because he was thirsty.
(d) The water level in the pitcher was very low.
4. Every desert animal can live somehow for months without liquid water. A few, including snails and frogs, remain underground between rainfalls. Most get water from plants. Others manufacture water to survive on smaller animals.
(a) All animals can live for months without water.
(b) Nature enables some animals to manufacture water.
(c) Snails and frogs are desert animals.
(d) Jungle animals need lots of water to survive.
5. Once a playful mouse ran across the paw and up the nose of a sleeping lion. The lion awoke, caught the mouse, and was about to kill him when the mouse begged forgiveness, saying he might one day return the kindness. Amused, the lion forgave him. Soon afterward the lion was caught in a net by hunters. The mouse heard the lion roar, recognized his friend's voice, and came to help. His sharp teeth cut the ropes, setting the lion free.
(a) Lions and mice usually make good companions.
(b) Mice frequently play with lions.
(c) The mouse returned the lion's kindness.
(d) The lion thought he might never need the mouse.
6. German women take cooking as seriously as shopping. In some villages, they will bake sour-dough bread in community ovens. Baking is a German art, evidenced by such delicacies as gingerbread, spices, butter and almond biscuits, and potato pancakes served with applesauce and blueberries. German housewives take pride in making their own cakes and cookies from "secret" family recipes.
(a) German women enjoy cooking from their own recipes.
(b) Housewives in Germany view baking as an art.
(c) Most European housewives follow examples of German women.
(d) Sour-dough bread was introduced by the French.
DETAILS WHICH DO NOT SUPPORT - 2
OBJECTIVE: Given a paragraph, the student can identify any ideas that do not support the main idea of the paragraph.
DIRECTIONS: Circle the number of the sentence which does not contribute to the main idea. 1. I had a sleepless night(1). The neighbor's dog began to bark(2). The neighbors keep their dog in a doghouse outside(3). There was a severe thunderstorm(4). A loose window pane was (5). The whole evening was climaxed by the sound of screaming sirens in response to a fire two blocks away(6).
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) 4
e) 5
f) 6
2. Everyone loves to hear a story(1). Just as soon as a speaker begins to tell a story, lagging interest perks up(2). A well-told story always fires the imagination(3). The listeners begin to anticipate the end, and they listen patiently to learn whether they guessed the outcome correctly(4). My sister likes to read mystery books(5).
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) 4
e) 5
3. When you fill out an application blank for a job, one thing to be careful about is your spelling(1). Your prospective employer may think that a careless speller will be careless at work(2). Be sure to dress neatly for your interview(3).
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
4. When you write a letter in reply to an advertisement for a job, keep these rules in mind(1): (A) use white paper of standard size, usually 81/2 by 11 inches; (B) type the letter or write it with black or blue ink; (C) center the letter on the page, and have uniform margins on both sides and at the top and bottom(2). Do not crowd a short letter at the top of the sheet(3). The Help-Wanted section of your newspaper has many job advertisements(4).
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) 4
5. All the guests had worn Western costumes(1). However, Fred thought that Jeff's was the best(2). The birthday cake was chocolate with white icing(3). Jeff had come as an Indian(4). He wore moccasins, Indian pants, and a full headdress of feathers(5). He even painted lines on his face to look warlike(6).
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) 4
e) 5
f) 6
Objective: Given a topic sentence for a paragraph, the student will compose his/her own supporting details.
Directions: Read each topic sentence. Think of details that would relate directly to this sentence. For each topic sentence, list four details that support the sentence.
1. Topic Sentence: Every successful football player must undergo strenuous physical exercises.
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
2. Topic Sentence: A high school graduate stands a much better chance of getting a job than a high school drop-out.
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
3. Topic Sentence: Plants are very useful to humans; they provide food and numerous natural resources.
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
4. Topic Sentence: Oxygen is a vital content of air and is extremely useful in industry.
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
5. Topic Sentence: All mammals are warm-blooded and exhale through their lungs.
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
6. Topic Sentence: Snakes and crocodiles belong to the reptile family; they are cold-blooded.
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
7. Topic Sentence: The ability to read is a necessary skill in the world of work.
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
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Essay question: Is there a difference between active and passive euthanasia? Discuss.Highlight whether the comment on the right is a positive or negative comment. |
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It is often argued that doctors are justified in allowing their patients to die by withdrawing or withholding treatment, but are not justified in killing them. This difference in attitudes toward active and passive euthanasia seems generally accepted by the medical profession. Opponents of active euthanasia rely on the intuitive difference that killing someone is morally worse than letting them die. It is argued that a doctor who kills a patient directly causes the death, but a doctor who withdraws or withholds treatment merely allows that death. In contrast to this view, however, many argue that there is not any real significant moral difference between the two actions. Choosing not to act is itself an action, and we are equally responsible for this. Indeed, as there is no significant moral difference, active euthanasia may sometimes be preferable. |
Introduction and
general orientation to the topic of active and passive euthanasia. |
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Practical considerations of limited resources, if nothing else, warrant a distinction between active and passive euthanasia. There will always be people who die because the available resources are inadequate to save them. There would seem to be little point in spending heroic amounts of time and effort trying to prolong the life of someone whose injuries or illnesses are so severe they will be dead after merely an hour, or day, or week. Given this reality, it would seem logical to divert resources from people who have no hope of surviving to those who might. Passive euthanasia prevents us futilely wasting resources, and frees them to be reallocated where they can do more good. |
Topic sentence introducing
the argument that there is no difference based on "practical
considerations of limited resources". |
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There is an "intuitive" difference between killing and allowing to die. The former involves actually initiating the sequence of events that leads to someone's death. The latter, however, only involves refraining to intervene in an already established course of events leading to death (Kuhse: p.297). Death is not necessarily guaranteed: the patient might still recover if they were given an incorrect prognosis. When a patient is allowed to die in this manner, it seems as though nature has merely been allowed to take its course. Some commentators (Gay-Williams, 1991) suggest that this should not be classified as euthanasia at all. The patient is not killed, but dies of whatever disease s/he is suffering from. |
Topic sentence introducing
the argument that there is an "intuitive" difference.
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In reality, there does not seem to be any morally significant difference between passive and active euthanasia. Deciding to refrain from treating a patient is morally equivalent to administering a lethal injection since the doctor ceases treatment knowing that the patient will die. The motivations and end result are the same: the only difference between the two cases is the means used to achieve death. In the case of passive euthanasia the doctor has made an informed decision that non-treatment is the better course of action. Choosing not to act is itself an action, and we are equally responsible for this. Therefore, there is no justification for viewing these actions differently. |
Here the writer
reintroduces his or her overall position; however, it is strongly worded
(high modality) and so requires strong supporting evidence.
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Active euthanasia may sometimes be preferable to passive euthanasia. Being allowed to die can be an incredibly painful process. A lethal injection, however, is less painful. Assuming a terminally ill patient decides he or she does not want to continue to suffer, and a doctor agrees to assist the patient terminate his or her life, surely consistency demands that the least painful form of euthanasia, intended to reduce suffering, is used (Rachels, 1991: 104). |
Here the writer
reintroduces the minor argument that "active euthanasia may sometimes be
preferable ". This argument does not address the question.
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Accepting that there is a distinction between active and passive euthanasia will result in decisions about life and death being made on irrelevant grounds. Rachels (1991: 104) offers the example of two Down Syndrome babies, one born with an obstructed intestine, and one born perfectly healthy in all other respects. In many cases, babies born with this condition are refused the simple operation that could cure it and so die. It does not seem right that an easily curable digestive ailment should determine whether the baby lives or dies. If Down Syndrome babies lives are judged to be not worth living, then both babies should die. If not, they should both be given medical treatment sufficient to ensure their survival. Accepting a distinction between active and passive euthanasia results in unacceptable inconsistencies in our treatment of such babies, and should therefore be abolished. |
Although this
point does not directly address the question, it does contribute to the
logic behind their position by introducing the possible consequences of
the writer's position. |
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Some philosophers (Beauchamp, 1982) who accept the arguments outlined above nevertheless believe that this distinction, however fallacious, should be maintained in public policy and law. They believe that consequentionalist arguments justify this. If we permitted active euthanasia, it is argued that this would undermine our belief in the sanctity of human life. This would begin our slide down a "slippery slope" (Burgess, 1993) that would end with us 'euthanasing' anyone seen as a threat or burden to society, as happened in Nazi Germany. |
Again only one reference is
provided so the claim of "some philosophers" is inappropriate.
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Analysing this argument logically, it seems difficult to see how permitting voluntary active euthanasia, for compassionate reasons, and respect for individual autonomy, could change attitudes to killings that do not demonstrate these qualities. As Beauchamp argues, if the principles we use to justify active euthanasia are just, then any further action inspired by these principles must also be just (1982: 251). If we examine what really happened in Nazi Germany, the facts do not seem to support this sensational claim. A totalitarian system and racial prejudice were more responsible for those tragic events than was any acceptance of euthanasia. |
This argument
refutes the argument of the previous paragraph and so adds to the writer's
position. |
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It is often argued that withdrawing or withholding treatment from a terminally ill patient can be justified, while actively killing such a patient to relieve their suffering cannot. The alleged distinction between the two is supported by intuitions that suggest killing is morally worse than allowing to die; however, examples used to demonstrate this often contain other morally relevant differences that make it appear this way. In reality, there does not seem to be any morally significant difference since the motivations and end results of active and passive euthanasia are the same, the only difference between the two is the means used to achieve death, which does not justify viewing them differently. It can be argued that we should nevertheless accept this distinction because it has beneficial consequences; however, these consequences are uncertain, and surely we should instead try to clarify our views of killing and find a less vulnerable position that better reflects our true feelings. We already permit passive euthanasia in some circumstances. Since active euthanasia seems morally equivalent to passive euthanasia, I believe that they can both be justified in some circumstances. |
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Reference List |
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Beauchamp, T. (1982) 'A reply to Rachels on Active and Passive Euthanasia'. In T. Beauchamp & R. Walters (Eds.) Contemporary Issues in Bioethics (3rd ed.). Wadsworth: Belmont. |
This reference is incomplete as the page numbers of the chapter from this edited book need to be included in the reference |
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Burgess, J. (1993) 'The Great Slippery Slope Argument'. Journal of Medical Ethics, 19, pp. 169 175. |
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Gay-Williams, J. (1991) 'The wrongfulness of euthanasia' in J.E. White (Ed.) Contemporary Moral Problems (3rd ed.) pp. 99-102. West Publishing Co: St Pauls. |
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Kuhse, H. 'Euthanasia', A Companion to Ethics. |
This reference is incomplete since it lacks the year of publication, the publisher and the city of publication |
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Rachels, J. (1991) 'Active and Passive Euthanasia' in J.E. White (Ed.) Contemporary Moral Problems (3rd ed.) pp. 103-107. West Publishing Co: St Pauls. |
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Your introduction is where you establish the tone of your personal statement and set the scene, define its theme, and generally hook your reader by sparking interest with details and quotes. It's important that you avoid meaningless prose and get right to the point. Be sure, too, that your language is clear and specific--avoid filler words and clichés. Most importantly, be sure that the introductory paragraph captures the main idea of your essay.
Sometimes the introduction is the last portion of the essay to be completed, and that's okay. The introduction should provide a snapshot of what the rest of the essay will develop and expand upon, so if you don't know where the rest of the essay is headed, the introduction is impossible to write. Therefore, it is important to outline your essay so that you know how each of your examples will build upon one another and can better draft your introduction to reflect this.
Here are some sample introductory paragraphs. You're the judge--which one is strongest?
1. On September 16, 1990 I experienced the worst feeling of my life the feeling of incompetence. It was a feeling of indescribable disbelief. My mother, my only parent, fell down the stairs of our home. It was then that I knew that I had to become a doctor to help people who were suffering like my mother. By attending your college, I will be able to fulfill my dream and to give back to my community through medicine.
2. My father divorced us when I was in seventh grade. At that time, I was going through what my mother called my "difficult stage" because my world revolved around school, friends and boys, and "family" was often put on the back burner. I was unprepared for the resulting family crisis; my father, the man who nurtured my passion for art, literature and my love of languages, would no longer be a part of my life. At the time, I thought that I could not go on. Now I realize that my father's rejection, while extremely painful, gave me a resiliency and strength of character that I did not previously know I possessed.
3. It was once said that "We have nothing to fear but fear itself," and that is a motto that I have lived by for all of my seventeen years on this earth. It is a motto that I have based all of my academic endeavors on. It literally came into effect one Wednesday morning earlier this year. I got called into the House One Principal's office at our school. I walked towards the office a little pondered. I had never been called into that office before, because that principal only handled the math and science departments of the entire school. I doubted that the principal even knew me. When I entered the office I was greeted by a group of familiar faces that I knew from my physics class. Our principal told us to have a seat and relax. The reason that we were called in was that there was going to be a Science Competition happening that Saturday and the school really wanted us to enter into it. The principal said that she knew it was short notice, but based on our performances in all our science classes she knew that we could pull it off. She stated that we were some of the only high school juniors and seniors who had completed and gone beyond the required science courses. (I personally had already taken a semester of both Physics and Physiology that year, and two of the other girls that were in there with me had already completed AP Biology.)
Answers
1. Although this writer attempts to be specific in his introduction through the use of the date ("September 16, 1990"), overall this introduction is vague and bloated with words that don't convey an image. The writer says that he felt "indescribable disbelief" when his mother fell down the sense, but we don't know what "indescribable disbelief" actually means: was he stunned into inaction? did he scream? Without the details, the writer's attempt to hook the reader fails. The opener also contains errors in punctuation ("On September 16, 1990 I experienced the worst feeling of my life the feeling of incompetence.") and uses the same word ("feeling") too many times.
2. This opener is quite strong. The writer's description of her father's action as a "divorce" is very vivid, and much more descriptive than if she had written that he "left" her. The writer also exudes a quiet confidence; she shows us she is smart by describing how her father helped instill her passion for "art, literature and...languages." We also know that she is by no means a perfect person; her honesty in describing her own failure to give her family a priority in her life is poignant, and the reader wants to learn more about her, how she resolved her crisis, and what she has learned from it.
3. This writer is going to describe her greatest accomplishment, but she takes much too long to make her point. The opening sentence relies on a cliché ("We have nothing to fear but fear itself") to make its point, and the essay relies on the vague word "it" much too often. In addition, some of the writer's word choices are inappropriate ("I walked towards the office a little pondered"--"confused" or "worried" would have been more appropriate) and indicate a tendency to rely on big words when simpler ones will do. The writer is also a bit wordy ("all of my seventeen years on this earth;" "It literally came into effect"). The introduction also contains irrelevant information ("that principal only handled the math and science departments of the entire school.") and does not provide the reader with a sense that the writer has reflected on her experience and extracted its larger meaning. We are not quite sure, for example, how the statement about fear connects to the rest of the paragraph or what the main idea or thesis is.
Coherence and Unity
Major Connectors | Minor Connectors | Paragraph Unity | Exercise #2
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Coherence refers to a certain characteristic or aspect of writing. Literally, the word means "to stick together." Coherence in writing means that all the ideas in a paragraph flow smoothly from one sentence to the next sentence. With coherence, the reader has an easy time understanding the ideas that you wish to express. Consider the paragraph that we studied in Lesson #1:
Look at the words in bold font. Do you see how they help guide the reader? For example, consider the words, First, Second, and The third amazing feature. We can call these words major connectors. Major connectors help organize the main parts of your paragraph. This paragraph has three main parts: (1) a part about the Wheaton River, (2) a part about Wheaton Hill, and (3) a part about the Big Old Tree. Another way of saying this is that this paragraph has three main points which are indicated by the major connectors. Using such major connectors is an important way of providing coherence in a paragraph. What about the other words in bold, such as those appearing in the phrases "these trees" and "this hill"? We can call these minor connectors. Minor connectors provide coherence to a paragraph by connecting sentences within each of the main parts of your paragraph. That is, when you write about your main points, you can use minor connectors to link your details to each main point. Now, look at this paragraph. Can you identify the main points?
Do you see which of the connectors above are major and which are minor? The major ones are For example in the second sentence, which introduces the first supporting point (the Mercury program); As another example, which begins the second main point (the Gemini program); and the word Finally, which introduces the third and last main point (the Apollo moon program). (In the paragraph above, all of the major connectors are underlined.) As for the minor connectors, we can divide them into three groups. The first group of minor connectors provides coherence for the first main point (the Mercury program). There is only one minor connector in this first group, In addition, although it is possible to have more than one, depending on how many details you have to support your first main point. The second group of minor connectors consists of That is, also, and also the phrase For example in the sentence, "For example, some astronauts..." Notice that this last minor connector is the same as the major connector at the beginning of the paragraph. However, the function of each is different, depending on the meaning of the sentences. The third group of minor connectors in this particular paragraph also has one member, which is Other goals included....
Unity is a very important characteristic of good paragraph writing. Paragraph unity means that one paragraph is about ONLY ONE main topic. That is, all the sentences -- the topic, supporting sentences, the detail sentences, and (sometimes) the concluding sentence -- are all telling the reader about ONE main topic. If your paragraph contains a sentence or some sentences that are NOT related to the main topic, then we say that the paragraph "lacks unity," or that the sentence is "off-topic." Look at the following paragraph, which is similar to the paragraph that we have studied above. Does it have perfect unity? Try to find the sentence that is off-topic:
This paragraph is generally good, but the sentence, Several weeks later, Leonov's spacewalk was followed by that of U.S. astronaut Ed White, does not have anything to do with the major goals of the various Russian space projects. That is, it is an "off-topic" sentence, so we can say that the paragraph somewhat lacks unity. In order to improve the paragraph, we should omit this sentence, even though it is historically accurate. |
Exercise #2 -- Coherence and Unity: Part (a)
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Decide which transitions to use from the list below the paragraph. Type your answers in the box inside the paragraph. Click on the "Check Your Answer" button to check your work. Next, click Reset to try another transition. Then, click on "Next sentence" below to continue finishing the paragraph.
There are three major airports near Washington, D.C., but the traveller to Washington should be careful about which one he or she chooses. Baltimore-Washington International Airport, which is located near the city of Baltimore, is a good international airport. _________ it is not the best choice for a traveller who wants to visit Washington. _________ it is relatively far from the city of Washington itself. _________ a passenger bus trip between Baltimore and Washington is somewhat expensive. Dulles International Airport is a slightly better choice, since it is located closer to the city. _________ if a traveller arrives in the early evening, he or she will encounter rush-hour traffic, which is not a good way to begin a trip to the city. _________ may be Washington-Reagan National Airport. There are two reasons for this. _________ this airport is the closest to the city. _________ it is located on the Metro train system, which is a convenient method of transportation, allowing a traveller to travel almost anywhere he or she likes in the city of Washington. |
Writing Techniques |
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Verb Choice: War in Europe When war burst upon Europe in August 1914, most Americans initially desired only to remain aloof(distant). For nearly three years, as the conflict raged on the battlefields and on the high seas, the United States maintained its neutrality. However, the tide of public opinion gradually shifted. Powerful emotional ties to the British and French, potent economic considerations, a vision of a world remade in America's image, all combined by April 1917 to suck the United States into the war. When war started-up in Europe in August 1914, most Americans initially wanted only to be aloof(distant). For nearly three years, as the conflict happened on the battlefields and on the high seas, the United States was neutral. However, the tide of public opinion gradually changed. Powerful emotional ties to the British and French, potent economic considerations, and a vision of a world that looked like America, all came together by April 1917 to bring the United States into the war.
Try to find professional sounding verbs for the following paragraph.
Twenty years after the conclusion of World War I, Germany and Japan __________ a campaign of international aggression that ultimately __________ the world into a second world conflict. At first, the Roosevelt government _______ that neutrality would keep America at peace and secure. When German victories in western Europe in the spring of 1940 ___________ that hope, the president ____________ economic help to allied countries as an alternative to direct military involvement.
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http://www.tesltimes.com/verbchoice.html
More exercises
http://unilearning.uow.edu.au/academic/3avi.html
More rules
http://web.nwe.ufl.edu/~lhager/teaching/coursestaught/2002spring/ENC1145_Quilting/essayadvice.html
Transition/ topic sentences
http://uga.berkeley.edu/apa/personalstatement/index.htm
Read this
http://nutsandbolts.washcoll.edu/nb-home.html
Great site
http://www.write-an-essay.com/write-an-essay-jargon.html
On line tutorial-do it
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/
http://www.mtsu.edu/~studskl/essay.html
Sample Outline and Essay
Below you will find a sample outline and the essay written from that outline.
OUTLINE
Paragraph 1 (Introduction)
I. Leading sentence: “It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life.”
II. Summary of main points: “I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.”
Paragraph 2 (First Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: “My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel.”
II. Supporting point: Her mother’s enthusiasm for learning.
III. Evidence: Learning through travel by using the example of a trip to Greece.
Paragraph 3 (Second Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: “While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house.”
II. Supporting point: Her mother’s dedication to the community.
III. Evidence: Her multiple volunteer activities such as helping at the local soup kitchen.
Paragraph 4 (Conclusion)
I. Transition sentence: “Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it.”
II. Reiteration of main points: “She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity.”
III. Taking it one step further: “Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.”
Highlight in different colours, transitions sentences, supporting points and evidence. Circle in different colours reiteration/summary of main points, taking it one step further, leading sentence.
COMPLETED ESSAY
Note: The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It appears as it was initially reviewed by admissions officers.
It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life. She’s the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist she would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother who always has time for her four children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board of every major project to assist Washington’s impoverished citizens. Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the
idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.
My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember standing in an empty amphitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself.
While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen and children’s center. While she attended meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected the “floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with the five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the summer, I decided to continue my work at (name deleted) as Jane’s tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.
Writers sometimes clog up their prose with one or more extra words or phrases that seem to determine narrowly or to modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence. Although such words and phrases can be meaningful in the appropriate context, they are often used as "filler" and can easily be eliminated.
Any particular type of dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help.
Any dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help.
Here's a list of some words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer:
| kind of sort of type of really basically for all intents and purposes |
definitely actually generally individual specific particular |
Wordy
For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect.
More Concise
American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors.
Using phrases to convey meaning that could be presented in a single word contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single words when possible.
Wordy
The employee with ambition...
The department showing the best performance...
Jeff Converse, our chief of consulting, suggested at our last board meeting the installation of microfilm equipment in the department of data processing.
As you carefully read what you have written to improve your wording and catch small errors of spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing to do before you do anything else is to try to see where a series of words expressing action could replace the ideas found in nouns rather than verbs.
More Concise
The ambitious employee...
The best-performing department...
At our last board meeting, Chief Consultant Jeff Converse suggested that we install microfilm equipment in the data processing department.
As you edit, first find nominalizations that you can replace with verb phrases.
Using a clause to convey meaning that could be presented in a phrase or even a word contributes to wordiness. Convert modifying clauses into phrases or single words when possible.
Wordy
The report, which was released recently...
All applicants who are interested in the job must...
The system that is most efficient and accurate...
More Concise
The recently released report...
All job applicants must...
The most efficient and accurate system...
Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there + be-verb. Such expressions can be rhetorically effective for emphasis in some situations, but overuse or unnecessary use of expletive constructions creates wordy prose. Take the following example: "It is imperative that we find a solution." The same meaning could be expressed with this more succinct wording: "We must find a solution." But using the expletive construction allows the writer to emphasize the urgency of the situation by placing the word imperative near the beginning of the sentence, so the version with the expletive may be preferable. Still, you should generally avoid excessive or unnecessary use of expletives. The most common kind of unnecessary expletive construction involves an expletive followed by a noun and a relative clause beginning with that, which, or who. In most cases, you can create a more concise sentence by eliminating the expletive opening, making the noun the subject of the sentence, and eliminating the relative pronoun.
Wordy
It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills.
There are four rules that should be observed: ...
There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
More Concise
The governor signs or vetoes bills.
Four rules should be observed:...
A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
See our document on active and passive voice for a more thorough explanation of this topic.
Wordy
An account was opened by Mrs. Simms.
Your figures were checked by the research department.
More Concise
Mrs. Simms opened an account.
The research department checked your figures.
Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as nominalizations. Sentences with many nominalizations usually have forms of be as the main verbs. Using the action verbs disguised in nominalizations as the main verbs--instead of forms of be--can help to create engaging rather than dull prose.
Wordy
The function of this department is the collection of accounts.
The current focus of the medical profession is disease prevention.
More Concise
This department collects accounts.
The medical profession currently focuses on disease prevention.
Some infinitive phrases can be converted into finite verbs or brief noun phrases. Making such changes also often results in the replacement of a be-verb with an action verb.
Wordy
The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to record it.
A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service.
More Concise
A clerk checks and records all incoming mail.
A teller shortage at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customer dissatisfaction.
Circumlocutions are commonly used roundabout expressions that take several words to say what could be said more succinctly. We often overlook them because many such expressions are habitual figures of speech. In writing, though, they should be avoided since they add extra words without extra meaning. Of course, occasionally you may for rhetorical effect decide to use, say, an expletive construction instead of a more succinct expression. These guidelines should be taken as general recommendations, not absolute rules.
Wordy
At this/that point in time...
In accordance with your request...
More Concise
Now/then...
As you requested...
Here are some other common circumlocutions that can be compressed into just one word:
| the reason for for the reason that owing/due to the fact that in light of the fact that considering the fact that on the grounds that this is why |
=because, since, why |
on the occasion of in a situation in which under circumstances in which |
=when |
as regards in reference to with regard to concerning the matter of where ________ is concerned |
=about |
it is crucial that it is necessary that there is a need/necessity for it is important that cannot be avoided |
=must, should |
| is able to has the opportunity to has the capacity for has the ability to
|
=can |
| it is possible that there is a chance that it could happen that the possibility exists for |
=may, might, could |
Wordy
It is possible that nothing will come of these preparations.
She has the ability to influence the outcome.
It is necessary that we take a stand on this pressing issue.
More Concise
Nothing may come of these preparations.
She can influence the outcome
We must take a stand on this pressing issue.
Be sure always to consider your readers as you draft and revise your writing. If you find passages that explain or describe in detail what would already be obvious to readers, delete or reword them.
Wordy
I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes, we do have...
It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned.
Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess.
Baseball, one of our oldest and most popular outdoor summer sports in terms of total attendance at ball parks and viewing on television, has the kind of rhythm of play on the field that alternates between times when players passively wait with no action taking place between the pitches to the batter and then times when they explode into action as the batter hits a pitched ball to one of the players and the player fields it.
More Concise
Yes, we do have...
We intend to comply with the tax-return regulations that you have mentioned.
Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.
Baseball has a rhythm that alternates between waiting and explosive action.
Watch for phrases or longer passages in your writing in which you repeat words with similar meanings. Below are some general examples of unnecessary repetition contrasted with more concise versions, followed by lists and examples of specific redundant word pairs and categories.
Wordy
I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your drafting officers the administrator's dislike of long sentences and paragraphs in messages to the field and in other items drafted for her signature or approval, as well as in all correspondence, reports, and studies. Please encourage your section to keep their sentences short.
The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter an unneeded luxury.
Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday.
More Concise
Please encourage your drafting officers to keep sentences and paragraphs in letters, reports, and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the administrator, has mentioned that reports and memos drafted for her approval recently have been wordy and thus time-consuming.
The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter a luxury.
Our branch office currently employs five tellers, who do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with Friday and Saturday rush periods.
Many pairs of words imply each other. Finish implies complete, so the phrase completely finish is redundant in most cases. So are many other pairs of words:
| past
memories various differences each individual _______ basic fundamentals true facts important essentials future plans |
terrible
tragedy end result final outcome free gift past history unexpected surprise sudden crisis |
A related expression that's not redundant as much as it is illogical is very unique. Since unique means "one of a kind," adding modifiers of degree such as very, so, especially, somewhat, extremely, and so on is illogical. One-of-a-kind-ness has no gradations; something is either unique or it is not.
Wordy
Before the travel agent was completely able to finish explaining the various differences among all of the many very unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her future plans.
More Concise
Before the travel agent finished explaining the differences among the unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her plans.
Specific words imply their general categories, so we usually don't have to state both. We know that a period is a segment of time, that pink is a color, that shiny is an appearance. In each of the following phrases, the general category term can be dropped, leaving just the specific descriptive word:
| large in
size often times of a bright color heavy in weight period in time round in shape at an early time economics field |
of cheap
quality honest in character of an uncertain condition in a confused state unusual in nature extreme in degree of a strange type |
Wordy
During that time period, many car buyers preferred cars that were pink in color and shiny in appearance.
The microscope revealed a group of organisms that were round in shape and peculiar in nature.
More Concise
During that period, many car buyers preferred pink, shiny cars.
The microscope revealed a group of peculiar, round organisms.