Dads Against Discrimination Inc
ABN 82 053 905 623
When our Daughter Expects a Man to Support Her
| Back to Articles |
This article is from Dr.Warren Farrel's web site www.warrenfarrell.com and is used without express permission.
When women see marriage in terms of Marriage-as-Female-Entitlement, the marriage is being set up for failure. In real life, as with Princess Diana, the entitlement fantasy often dies before the princess. The disappointment and bitterness created when the fantasy fails helps to kill the marriage itself, and even to kill the princess-manifesting itself as depression, maybe an attempted suicide, or commonly as anger and revenge.
Women experience this disappointment most acutely, and men experience the bitterness and hurt of a woman who was once adoring, but is now seething; but romance novels, romance movies, and Princess Di’s reality create a bond among women that demonize the Charleses, even if unwittingly. As Princess Di shares her grief about the infidelities, the attempted suicide, the eating disorders, and the difficulties with in-laws, millions of women identify with her and create their own First Wives’ Club. Princess Di’s visibility as a worldwide role model allowed the world to become one female support group. Divorced women became unified as members of The First Wives’ Club-as-Angels; married women knew they had somewhere to go; but, in the meantime, were angels in their own right for sticking with it.
Compassion for women is a positive. Compassion only for women is a problem. If we create an angel, we usually also create a devil. The Princess Di wound had no choice but to transform itself into anger in search of a target: The paparazzi, the Queen, the ex, the drunk driver.
We felt compassion, and we loved feeling that compassion. If we were truly compassionate, however, then why was our concern for the bodyguard’s life only that he should live long enough to tell us what happened to the Princess? What made the bodyguard himself unworthy of our compassion?
Why this compassion for Diana, but not the bodyguard-The bodyguard was only a man, not a prince. Yes, he was young and good-looking like Diana, but a young and beautiful woman is a genetic celebrity-even if she is screwed-up emotionally. Her youth and beauty allow a prince to notice her the same way in which we would notice a celebrity. A young and handsome man is not a celebrity. He must be something more than young and handsome if a princess is to love him. And our compassion mirrors that. Our compassion follows the genetic celebrity, not the what’s-his-name in the car with the genetic celebrity. The what’s-his-name represents the type of security that can be bought, not the type of man who can buy security for a woman.
Part of the entitlement fantasy is in being entitled to not have to take responsibility. No media story I saw asked, "Was Princess Di drunk?" "If not, why wasn’t she driving?" "If not, why didn’t Princess Di take responsibility for not getting into a car with a driver who had had the equivalent of eight shots of whiskey on an empty stomach?" No one asked, "If drunk driving is a form of potential murder, isn’t driving with a drunk driver a form of co-conspiracy or suicide?" No one asked,".
Well, after a millions stories and a year of time passing, and a year of observing Charles, who Diana called a terrible father, actually being a wonderful father, one woman did ask these questions. Penny Junor asked for some compassion for Charles and some objectivity toward Diana. She pointed to evidence showing that Diana’s affairs preceded Charles’ return to his long-term liaison. She pointed out that Diana’s history of emotional and psychological problems preceded the marriage. She questioned the double standard of compassion that the press and public exhibited toward Diana vs. the acrimony toward Charles. Upon publication of her book, Charles: Villain or Victim?, she was greeted with venomous headlines, attacks, and death threats.
When entitlement fantasies shatter, grief lasts only a short time before turning into the anger-with-a-target that manifests itself in wishes for the annihilation of men as portrayed in Fatal Attraction or Thelma & Louise. Or in the ruination of men’s lives as in The First Wives' Club. Or in the real life compassion for the Betty Brodericks and Lorena Bobbitts who kill or castrate the men who kill or castrate their fantasy.
Top of Page
Visit the DADs Australia Website
|