Dads Against Discrimination Inc
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HERE'S TO THE SINGLE DAD

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Here's to the single dad
By Thom Cuttita

Jack is an unassuming, middle-aged guy who supports his family with the sweat of his brow and his callused hands. He lives in a modest exurban home, a safe distance away from the influences of the city.

The walls of his living room are crowded with Broncos memorabilia, mounts of animals he has hunted, and a photo gallery of his proudest accomplishment: his kids.

Jack is a man whose handshake is more meaningful than any legal document. Hard work and honest living have taught him to take commitments seriously, so when his wife left him, two of their children and one of hers from a previous marriage, there was no question what he would do. He would raise his children and stepchild - without their mother.

Fortunately for his kids, Jack's commitment to his family is unwavering. Sadly for the rest of us, his story is not uncommon. There are no official statistics on the numbers of fathers who step in to fill the void when a mother abandons her family. Men like Jack don't have powerful lobbies or national organizations to champion their role in their kids' lives.

As far as Jack is concerned, he's just doing what he's supposed to do: taking care of his family.

Seldom do we hear about kids who have been raised by a single dad. Instead, we are assaulted with the monotonous drumbeat of Deadbeat Dads.
BR> Why, in today's politically correct, gender-neutral world, do we use this label? Why not Deadbeat Parents? Pandering to a targeted voting bloc, vice presidential candidate Joe Lieberman angled a Deadbeat Dads reference into his acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention.

What Lieberman and the other purveyors of propaganda refuse to acknowledge is that men don't have a monopoly when it comes to irresponsibility.

Several women have expressed their concern about what they see as a disturbing trend of middle-class mothers who have been seduced by greener pastures and abandoned their families, leaving children in the care of their father. As is often the case, when mom's quot;episode" has passed, she marches back into the picture, usually armed with an attorney, whose sole purpose is to create chaos and vilify the shell-shocked father so the court will act "in the best interest of the child" and return the real victims of this sham to their mother.

The outcome of this corrupt melodrama is often in doubt, except for the certainty that the best interest of the child is rarely served.

When custody becomes the issue, it is inevitable that lies and manipulation form the foundation of the petitioner's case. The most evil of the combatants in these bloodlettings use their own flesh and blood - their children - to gain advantage over an already demoralized opponent.

A parent who will use a child as a shield to wage a war of deceit does not deserve a place in that child's life, yet this reprehensible tactic is employed with the full knowledge of the court.

We don't usually hear about them, but there are plenty of men like Jack who have gotten on with the business of raising their families. Instead of celebrating their integrity and hard work, we are spoon-fed a diet of images of the kind of father no child deserves. To the cowardly guy who walks out on his kids, I say: "You're too ignorant to know what you've missed."

To the mother who hides behind an innocent child: "Kids grow up to become independent thinkers and, when they do, look out sister, there will be hell to pay."

To the courts that routinely intrude on the relationship between a father and his children, I quote John Dryden: "Beware the fury of a patient man."

To Jack, and all the good men like him:
"You are your kids' hero, and we all owe you a debt of gratitude. Thank you."

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Thom Cuttita (tcuttita@dotcominternational.com) is an Internet
entrepreneur, writer, filmmaker, and a former NYC cabbie. He's a single
parent with two remarkable daughters. Applications for the Colorado Voices
panel are accepted each February.

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Email the writer about this column: letters@denverpost.com

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