Dads Against Discrimination Inc
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Let's hear it for the boys
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[ EXTRACT ] from VANCOUVER SUN Nov. 4, 2000 ' Let's hear it for the boys. '
Why is it that boys must go down for girls to go up? I fail to understand why, in creating an equitable world for females, we have to trample males. "For the last few decades our cultural microscope has focused on the oppression of girls and women. That focus has led us to many gains in public consciousness, national policy and private life. Now the lens must focus on boys too," writes Gurian in his book. "Neither gender's suffering is superior; both need our aid ".
I have sensed a deep- rooted antipathy toward males, a collective sense that the masculine half of the population deserves its lot. While people from an older generation congratulated me on my good fortune of having sons rather than daughters (as if I made a deliberate choice) I was surprised when people from my own and younger generations offered sympathy.
Shortly after the birth of my eldest child, a boy who is now in his teens, I packed him up for a visit with a friend whom I considered highly intelligent, compassionate and politically aware. She had just had a daughter. Our conversation turned to speculation about what our babies would be like as they grew. Out of the blue, she protectively clasped her daughter and glared at my son. a bundle of blankets and tousled hair above a gentle face, who was peacefully asleep in my arms. "My daughter will likely be abused," she said angrily. "And your son will likely be an abuser." As astonished as I was by her out- burst, I chalked it up to hormones and the savage protectiveness of new motherhood. I was naive, as it turned out. Her outburst was a manifestation of an almost palpable anger and resentment toward males, represented at its extreme in the radical feminist view that all males are rapists.
Sometimes, anger and fear of males seems justified, such as when we look at statistics on domestic abuse, or consider that most other types of violent crime including the school shootings in Taber and Littleton - are carried out by men. But relatively few men carry out such atrocities. And while we strive to exorcise racist or religious generalities from our culture and focus on individual identity, we continue to tar and feather all males with the same brush. A few days ago I watched a music video with the same son, whose face And while we strive to exorcise racist or religious generalities, we continue to tar and feather all males with '" the same brush".
A few days ago I watched a music video with the same son whose face remains gentle but who long ago grew too big to snuggle in my arms, and who now looms above me. In the video by a female band, a teenage boy repeatedly approaches a girl to offer presents. Repeatedly she rejects him, not verbally, but by punching, kicking and pushing, so that on each fresh approach he is swathed in a new set of bandages. By the end of the video the boy is in a bodycast, his eyes still full of adoration for the girl, but the insouciant female remains oblivious to him -or to the injuries she inflicted on him. The video is offensive -but what pained me was watching the horror on my son's face. "How can they get away with showing that?" he demanded.
How, indeed. Lately, we have spent much time debating whether Eminem, with his vile and misogynist lyrics, should be allowed to perform in Vancouver. Rap music is infested with violent lyrics encouraging rape and murder of women, and there is a growing and welcome debate about the messages that young music fans are hearing. But what of the startlingly casual abuse of boys and men that runs through popular culture? In the e-mail jokes that arrive unbidden, in my in- box every day, males are mostly portrayed as dumb horny suckers who are always bested by wily women. A television ad for a women's deodorant features a female martial artist beating two muscular men to pulp. Swap the sexes, imagine the public outcry. Why is it okay to disparage males?
We've become inculcated with the notion that men are the dominant sex,
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