nov14

I think I'll skip around in this entry. I don't want to go in the order of the day, I'd rather seperate by topic.
   Well today at school we had an Arete assembly. It's hard to explain. Arete is like an organization only our school has. Arete is greek for 'strive for exellence' If you get perfect attendence or you raise your GPA .5 or more, you are now welcomed into the Arete society for that year. It's rediculously easy to get. Freshman cannot get it though, yet we still have to attend the assembly. All the Arete kids sit in the center of the gym while the rest of the school sits on either side in the bleachers. The do all kinds of shit for the Arete kids and the rest just watch. It's stupid. I sat in the very back with AJ though so I talked a bit with him, we made fun of people that were speaking and stuff. The only good part besides talking was when Ace played the guitar. I forget his real name, cuz everyone- even teachers calls him Ace. He is the BEST guitar player in the school, and probably one of the best ever in general! He played this GREAT classic guitar thing. It was amazing because hardly anyone can play it as flawlessly as he did, especially at his age. And AJ told me it's all fingers, no thumb or pick or anything and that Ace was just messing around anyway. I was really impressed.
   After school I was in the lobby by the auditorium, waiting for drama to start. I met some new people. John, other John, and a guy named Shawn. Shawn was a strange person but really fun. He like grabbed my shoulders trying to locate the pupils in my eyes lol. And we had a shoving fight type thing and it was so funny cuz i was sitting on this ledge thing and he shoved me so i shoved him back and he said bring it so I jumped off and it turned out i was like almost a head shorter than him but i still shoved him and got all in his face saying "You wanna go? I'll beat you down right here!" people were laughing at how ridiculous we looked. This short seemingly weak, innocent girl bitching out this tall, fairly buff dude. Later when I was back up on the ledge Shawn goes to this John guy (John guy # 1, he's a macho dude hehe) and goes 'I need a hug" and John was like "um, no" so I said "I'll give you a hug Shawn!" So he walked toward me with his arms open and I opened mine but instead of just hugging me he decided to lift me off my ledge, carrying me away with me like sorta over his shoulder! I gave Christal who was sitting on the ledge also this crazy look and go 'Um, what are you doing Shawn?" and he just keeps walking and stuff and I go 'Can I go back down now?" so he walked back to the ledge and put me down. Hehe. I'll probably never see either of the Johns or Shawn again but they were nice people.
   Christal told me she hated me today. Funny stuff. I was just telling her about a few plans I had or something and I mentioned this one thing that really irked her and she goes "I hate you" and I go "why?" and she said (all emotional like lol) "You're so mean and SO negative, but people love you! And I try to make friend with everyone and you have MORE friends than me!" I just shrugged and said "I dunno Christal. I hate people. They're born naturally cruel and full of hatred. i hate everyone. I hate you. I hate me. I tell people to go away and I flat out tell people I hate that i hate them. I tell people bluntly that they're idiots..." and she was like "I know! And the ones you're mean to COME BACK! And half of your friendships started with you being a bitch to them!" Funny funny. Poor Christal, she tries too hard!
   Breen talked me into going to the mall tonight. I hate the mall. I seriously hate it. It's okay if you have loads of cash and lots of things to buy but other than that, simple shopping isn't even fun. But we didn't go to shop anyway. It was Breen, her b/f Zack, Taylor (friend of Zack's) and Andie. We split almost immediatly into Taylor lost somewhere, Andie and I, and then zack and breen went somewhere. I had a so-so time I guess. It was kinda boring and I kept zoning...couldn't stop thinking, overthinking...see the next paragraph.
   I was still in this half gone mood today. Mostly over Ben Daniels. I mean, I still feel guilty for laughing or thinking of stupid things. I felt so shallow today. I was thinking of some pretty stupid stuff (average teenage stuff, petty problems and such that I'd rather not go into here) It was terrible I kept saying to myself how could you even think of something like that? You're so shallow. Ben Daniels was the nicest person and his life was taken. A day after the visitation, you're thinking of stupid problems of your own. Christal is wondering when I'll be back to the normal amount of negativity. I wonder too. I don't ever want to forget or get over it. How terrible would that be? Just FORGET about it?! At the mall I spaced a few times while people talked (i'm normally a real good listener) or when we were walking. I was sitting on a bench with Andie and I kepy zoning out, thinking about it and she could tell by my tear-glazed looking eyes (not like my eyes were floody with tears but they kinda gave off a gonna-cry vibe) everytime I did it (which was like 3-4 times in a 2-3 minute period) she'd shove this smoothie in my face so I'd come back to reality. One of the times I didn't even notice until I was breathing in and suddenly my air tasted like a strawberry smoothie. So Andie was trying to keep my mind off of it. In the car ride home though, Andie's dad had on an weird station and they had this little guitar solo thing and it made me so sad, thinking of this totally awesome solo Ben played at his last performance. I zoned out again for awhile until Andie and Breen snapped me out of it on accident.

*Arete Sucks*Ace Rocks Guitar*and*Guilty and reminded of the lost*