oct19

I've had an up and down past few days. Very strange. I'll feel awful but then someone/something will neutralize my mood. Nothing all the great has happened so I guess I can't really say up and down. More like down and level, does that make sense?!?
   I've always had this theory, or wish I should say, that I could control the pain people received. I've always wanted to have the ability to rid someone on their pain, and simply transfer it into myself. No one would ever have to feel physical or emotional pain, because I could take it away from them. I've wished this more than ever recently. It seems that a lot of people I know are going through some terrible times. I've been crying for other people so much lately. I don't even know how many times I've cried this week. All but once was because of someone else. I know I'm a drama queen and all that so me crying isn't always a huge deal but it really sucks that people have to hurt like that. And it hurts me that I can't do a thing. They have an unfixable problem, one of those 'wait in time' ones. Or even, they have times like I do when you just say 'Fuck the world" because you're in one of those...i dunno..slumps? Ugh. I hate when people close to me hurt.
   Breen talked me into going to a football game today. NOt for my school. I'm anti-school spirit so I wouldn't go to one of mine, voluntarily. What would people think if 'the negative girl' showed up at a football game? Yeah well i counted going to North's football game as school spirit treason. My school (Central) and North are rivals so yeah, I guess I could say that. Anyway, I only went because I miss seeing Breen and the rest. Andie was supposed to be there but she couldn't be found (she was at work, then people stopped answering at her house) Breen, Patrick and I used Patrick's cell phone to call her from the game. Patrick left a message and me and Whit were all yelling in the background. 15 minutes later I called and was all like "Andie! Come here! I'm like, here! At North! This isn't even my school! I don't GO here!" and I went on and on. I ended it with "We're gonna call you in 15 minute incriments. Whitney's next, so be ready!" Whitney tried to call but we had filled up her callnotes inbox! We were sad lol. I saw some people I knew, confused several of them. Katie walked by and I go 'Hey Katie K" and she goes "hey" *keep walking* then she stops, turns back and goes "Hey! whoa!" Anna [girl I was liek really good friends with in 6th but not at all really in 7th or 8th grade] like tackled me squealing "TERESA!" I dragged Brad around by his saxophone holdy thingy yelling at him for not calling this girl that agve him her number. Oh I saw my ex boyfriend. Or rather, he saw me. Whitney said he has just walked behind me, looked me over and kept walking. I looked over and saw him. We don't talk. Ever. No one talks to him anymore. heh. Anyways! I went back to Whitney's and we talked about 5ive and listened to some music a for a bit but I had to go home pretty soon after we had gotten back.
   I do not know what has been with my mom lately. She's like really getting on my nerves. Yesterday I was feeling kinda upset so i went down in my room and I had the covers over my head and all that. She comes charging in (when i ask her to knock she syas she will. Next time she comes she knocks, then opens the door. Kinda defeats the purpose fo the knock) and she's like "Dawn! What's wrong!?" I didn't really say anything, I was trying to see if she'd give up and go away. No such luck. "Everything okay? Something happen?" I just mumbled I was fine btu she kept on going so I took the covers away and go "Mom! I'm just freaking tired. I'm FINE!" After she asked if I was okay liek 3 more times she left. I REALLY did not want to talk to her about why I was upset. She never gets that. Well she called me this morning and asked me AGAIN if I was okay. She asked why I slept so long and if something had happened at school. Ugh! When she got home she bitched me out for leaving stuff on the counter. I was just ready to hop in the shower so I shut the bathroom door on her while she was screaming like bloody hell. So WHILE I'M IN THE SHOWER she bangs on the door all yelling and I ahd to turn off the shower just to hear her say that I am grounded for monday and Tuesday (the days I wanted to see some local bands) I talked to her afterwards (or tried to at least) and I think I can convince her to let me go on Monday and Tuesday. What reallty pissed me off was after all that bitching over some dishes on the counter she goes into two-faced mode. Benjy left the bread open, the turkey meat open and on the ocunter and all she does is laugh. WTF?! I just got screamed at but if Benjy does it, it's funny?!?
Whatever

*Downs*Levels*and*Give*Me*Your*Pain*
Teresa