Peace Peace never comes in the day It only appears at night I can't find happiness in my soul Though I try with all my might To me, peace isn't real at all It's nothing but a dream Smiles don't mean a thing Nothing's what it seems I used to find peace in my dreams Not when I'm awake It doesn't really matter now 'cause all the dreams are fake Dreams have turned to nightmares And peace is out of sight There's no happiness anymore Not even in the night All I want is to die Than peace will be found Maybe try some sleeping pills They don't make a sound On my wall there is a mirror And out of the corner of my eye I see the 'grown-up' me But there's a little girl inside Her eyes beg me, try to live And that's what I decide I'm gonna live my whole life through I owe the girl inside

This is one of the poems I held back. I wrote this in January of 2000. I didn't post it because it mentioned suicide which I really don't think solves much. But, since i made my new 'no holding back for darkness' rule I decided to post it.

Swan Song Beautiful is the swirl of colors Surrounding the downward spiral Collapsing is my heart and mind Yet intriguing, all the while I'm singing. No, I'm screaming Listen to my swan song I'm falling, I'm not dreaming Listen to my swan song Pay attention. It will hypnotize Watch the evil in my eyes Opposing all my mournful cries Is my very swan song It's enchanting and mysterious The notes moves so sinuous So pretty I'm delirious So wonderful, but wrong My hearts sinks lower; self destruct All enjoy my swan song Disguise the ugly, cover the bad Never allowing something sad Funny how people sometimes think Funny how the world goes 'round Listen to my swan song Listen to the sound In your ears the tune will harmonize Feel the rapture of your happy lives Disguise the death in something lovely Just keep thinking you're above me Ignore what's behind the music Ignore the cruelty of death My last thought is that you're sick Now I'm taking my last breath Standing on your straightend line You think the black is always wrong The truth will come to you in time How dare you smile through my swan song

Before I give any comments on this poem let me explain something to you that might help you to understand this better. A Swan Song is a beautiful song-like sound a swan makes.. It's an incredibly and unaturally beautiful melody, but it only happens as the swan is dying. Now does my poem make more sense? This poem was not one of the held-back ones. I just wrote it.

Can you believe it? There's still more of the poetry madness.

Only I Will Dance Don't judge me by your standard But don't pity me with chance You can't hear the music You laugh at how I dance You gasp at the way I speak I refuse to hold my tongue You hate the way I act Is there such a thing as wrong? Show me wrong, show me right From your manufactured mind You hide yourself, you stiffle laughs For all your 'proper' times I know you want to stare at me But manners, don't forget! Be what you were told to be Allow yourself a glance Only I can hear true music Only I will dance You stay in your world With rules and straightened lines You never think twice About the world that I call mine You're lab rats in a maze Your lives are so routine Forever stuck in a daze Lost inside a trance You can't hear the music Only I will dance

E nvy for others, more like jealousy M ore than anything, I want felicity P raying, wishing, hoping maybe T oday will be the end Y et no angels come to try and save me H avoc wreaks within O pposing voices argue, about how my life should be L ying deep inside my heart, I feel the hatred burn E ven if I understood, would I ever learn?

I hardly ever write poems like this. They're called acrosstic. In case you didn't notice the words down the side are Empty Hole. This is another poem I held back.