2084 - THE FUTURE Clubland is constantly evolving along with the world in which we live. Failing an all out nuclear war in the not too distant future, here’s what our grandchildren can look forward to. The Clubs Football will become obsolete when people realise it’s actually really boring, and all football stadiums will be transformed into mega-clubs with retracting roves for those sunny clubbing days and nights. Each club will have a variety of different rooms to cater for people’s various tastes. Entry will be free as part of a new government initiative centred around a realisation that clubbing is an essential part of life. Brandon Block and Alex P make regular appearances as the world’s first superstar holographic DJs. Gatecrasher still runs monthly at the Republic, full of original crasher kids who still can’t get over how ‘it’s not like it used to be.’ Nobody else cares. The DJs Superstar Djs of the future will create music much in the same way that Tom Cruise battled crime in Minority Report. DJs will have at their disposal a vast array of unique sounds that they we be able to manipulate via virtual reality, changing the mood and the atmosphere as they see fit. They will be able to drop in elements of a track at any point and alter each element to create a unique mix every time. The Music Super fast, immaculately produced, breathtaking, euphoric riffs merge with phat, tribal breaks and short snappy breakdowns to form the future trance sound which sweeps the globe. Ferry Corsten makes most of the tunes from heaven, and angels drop the latest wax off to DJs. Vocals are done under strict supervision to avoid the mistakes of the past. Judge Jules’ grand daughter is arrested for crimes against clubland upon performing her first live P.A. Shocking. The Clubbers Try hards try even harder to push the boundaries of fashion. The boys look like astronauts dressed in velvet and the girls look like extras from the set of Blade Runner. Cyber kids wear working jet packs and have robotic arms that can move as fast as a train. Everyone gets along as scallies and aggressive beer boys have been eliminated through genetic screening. The Drugs Happiness, being the only drug that is real and can last beyond a night out, is the pharmaceutical of choice. It comes in liquid form and the effects last forever, making the world a generally better place. The will to dance comes from tiny robot creatures that live inside your body and help you out whenever you feel a bit tired. The big one timer Moon-fest takes place, unsurprisingly, on the moon. The festival is attended yearly by anything up to ten million people and lasts for a month. Radiohead headline the main stage as Thom Yorke is granted immortality by the God’s for outstanding contribution to the music industry. Home > Features > ^top