I am 12 years old now. I haven't been in a
awful place in 7 years.
My mom and Dad did not
die, but the hurt, the mistrust and the
feelings my mom and dad
didn't love me are still there.
I know in my heart I am not bad and
I was the victim. Just sometimes I wish they would
Love God and quite blaming everyone else
for their problems.
My little brother and me we live with
my Grandpa and Grandma and we are
a family now. Just a little while ago my new baby sister came to
live with us too. She is only a year old and she came to 
live with us when she was a little older than just born 

 Someday maybe my mom
and Dad will get better.

I would like to tell you my story
if you don't mind.

When I was just a little baby I had a real Dad
and my mom. They would fight a lot but we
lived with my Great Grandma and she made sure
I was taken care of. I would go and visit my
Grandpa and Grandma all the time too.
Then my real dad went away and my mom
got me a new dad and we moved to some
apartments where I could have lots of
friends. But it wasn't good.
Then my baby brother was born. I was
so excited, but then it got worse.
Our house was always dirty and messy.
People were always coming in
and out of our house
all the time. My mom and Dad would go
in there bedroom with their friends
and lock the door. They would play loud
music and smoke drugs. I took care
of my baby brother and I was only
almost 4 years old. One good thing
I got to go to my Grandpa and Grandmas
every weekend. Then I would get clean clothes
and I had my own bedroom.
My grandma used to get really angry
with my mom because of what she
was doing. Sometimes I felt like it was
my fault because I went to my Grandpas
and I wasn't there to take care of
my brother. I didn't want to tell
my Grandpa and Grandma the whole truth
because I didn't want my mom
to get in trouble.
I thought that the way we lived was suppose
to be that way.
Then I started going to school. I was afraid
at school because I never got there
on time or no one would take me to school at all.
I didn't want to go because I didn't
understand and I had no one to help me.
Then one day my Grandma and Grandpa
made a deal with my mom. I could live with
them and they would take me to school
and help me with my schoolwork. I would come
home on the days I had no school.
I was so happy. When I started living with
My grandma and Grandpa I didn't have
to do a lot of work or be afraid of strange boys
or going hungry or being yelled at and hit at.
I got to play, my
Uncle Chris would spoil me. I didn't want to go
back to my moms.
I started feeling Bad because I wasn't there to
take care of my brother. So I would
go back to my mom's.
It was awful. My mom would be gone
all the time with her friends and
my dad would be sleeping or having lots
of people at our house. Our house smelled
so bad with smoke from drugs. There was always a lot of yelling
and I was always afraid. My brother
and me would hide in the bedroom and
sneak out to the kitchen to get food
and hide it in our room.
The main thing we ate was
Top Ramen noodles uncooked. Everywhere
in our house was garbage,
dirty clothes, dirty
dishes. Our beds had so much junk on them
we couldn't sleep on them. We would sleep
in the livingroom on the floor around
a lot of garbage, junk and dirt.
My dad would lock the door from the inside
and climb out the bedroom window to go
visit his friends and leave us alone.
Then the police came and took me and
my brother to a Foster Home. I cried and
cried, but not because I wanted to go
home with my mom and Dad but because I
wanted my grandpa and grandma
and my Great grandma and my Uncle Chris.
Jesus took care of me then, because I got
to go to my Grandma and Grandpas and
so did my baby brother.
This lady from the judges place came to
talk to me and asked me if I wanted to
go back to my moms. Jesus helped
me do what I had to do. I said "NO" and I
told all about everything. I didn't want my
mom and Dad to be mad at me, but I was safe
now and it wasn't my fault.
I wanted them to get
better and they couldn't get better if no
one knew anything.

After a few years my mom left my second dad and got 
a new dad for us, even though we 
didn't live with her. He was the worst one.
My mom was going to have another
 baby and he was really mean to her
and he didn't like me and my brother at all.
 After my baby sister was born my mom came
 to live with us because she didn't have a home, 
but my grandma said her boyfriend could 
not come to our house. My grandma wanted to make us safe.
One day when my grandpa was sitting 
on the couch rocking my baby sister
my moms boyfriend came in our house and 
beat up my grandpa while he had my
 baby sister in his arms. My brother and me 
ran outside and went to our neighbors 
who is a sheriff and told him we needed help. 
More happened for a couple of months 
but to make a long story short. My moms boyfriend 
went to prison threatening when he gets out 
he will kill my grandpa. My mom was really
 taking a lot of drugs even using a needle. 
She lived in her car with my baby sister. 
My mom came over to our house one day
screaming and yelling, probably because 
she didn't have any drugs, and my grandma
 and my mom got in a fight. My mom beat my 
grandma up. The sheriff came and took 
my mom to a hospital. The CPS, I hate them, gave
 my baby sister to us until my mom could 
get better. My mom lives in a drug house to
 help her get better. The CPS are going 
to give my baby sister back to her but this is not 
good because my mom has not changed. She told
 me I know how to play the game now. 
Her boyfriend gets out of prison in just a 
few days and she is going to get back with him. 
I told her if she does get back with him
I will never speak to her again. She doesn't care.

It's been 7 years and I see my mom
 she is trying to be my friend, but also trying 
to be my mom, like bossing me around.
She is not my mom anymore. I still don't trust her.
She is not taking drugs ,but that is now.
 She has people watching her all the time. 
What happens when she is on her own with no one to tell her what to do?
 
My little brother is doing really good.
He is retarded from the drugs so it's
really hard for him but we give
him lots of love and he knows we are
a family now and that
Jesus loves him too.

I want you to know you don't
have to live where
you are treated badly. You are a person
just like the grown ups. You have feelings.
Just because someone is a grownup doesn't mean
you have to do everything they say
because some of those things are Bad.

Speak out loudly
if you are being hurt.
If you have a relative
you can trust tell them.
If you have a teacher
at school you like tell her.
If you have a friend
who has a mom or Dad
you trust tell them.

If you are really
afraid and have
no one to talk to.

You can talk to me.
I will understand.

Just remember God Loves you and I do too.

I've just started these pages. I will
be adding things to them, like places you can go
to get help. Heres one place you can go to right now.

email me