It´s that time again, kiddies! A Ray Park movie´s been out for a couple of months and nobody needs a review of it anymore cause everybody´s seen it! (Or everybody worth mentioning, anyway.) Therefore it´s time for quite possibly the worst film critic on the planet to share her view.
I´ve seen X-Men four times now, and it just keeps getting better. It´s an excellent visual film with great effects, and I´m still noticing new things going on. Given, I have yet to find Stan “The Man” Lee, and in those four times I have completely forgotten to look for Toad´s earring, but that just says more for the quality of the film. It´s so engrossing, I´ve forgotten to look every time. Or perhaps it´s because whenever Toad´s earring is on-screen, the rest of him is too, so I´m too busy staring at the other parts to remember to look for it, who knows? I went through the same thing with Darth Maul. Can´t wait for video.
Anyway, what the film lacks in plot, and it does lack in plot, it more than makes up for in Ray Park, Logan in tight leather, Ray Park, comic relief, Ray Park, Toad´s tongue, Ray Park, and visual effects. These are the kind of things that make a film great.
There are times when you won´t want to get up for popcorn. These times include whenever Toad is on-screen, whenever Logan and Cyke are in the same room, and during the action sequences. When, you may ask, does this leave time for me to get popcorn? Well, there´s always the very beginning. So if you want a refill, scarf it down while the Professor´s talking. Careful not to choke.
There are also things that you will cringe at in this movie. Not many, but there are.
--You will cringe when you notice that Rogue´s accent just came back after a fifteen-minute absence.
--You will cringe when Storm has an accent in one sentence but not in the very next one 3 seconds later.
--You will cringe when Magneto appears in his helmet for the first time.
--You will cringe when Toad´s very last scene arrives. You will cringe and more than likely run screaming from the room. Don´t worry, this is perfectly natural. Or at least it was for me.
--You will not only cringe, but cower in fear at James Marsden´s plastic hair. This is also perfectly normal, and you need not seek psychiatric help.
That´s about all I can think of that´s really wrong with this movie. The acting is great, especially on the part of Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, and a certain other guy whom I´ve praised enough as it is.
Bryan Singer, if you are reading this, I have a certain wish list for the sequel, which I am so looking forward to.
Ø Toad in a leather costume. Wolverine got one.
Ø More Iceman. A lot more Iceman.
Ø Gambit.
Ø Professor X in a Star Trek uniform.
Ø Toad´s musical rendition of the Kermit the Frog classic, “It´s Not Easy Being Green.”
Ø The bloody, horrible death of Cyclops. Preferably with a lot of gratuitous violence.
Ø The bloody, horrible death of Storm. Preferably with even more gratuitous violence.
And that´s my $.02.
If you rent one movie this weekend, rent Star Wars. If you rent two movies this weekend, rent Clerks, because X-Men isn´t on video yet.