Despite my best effort to explain to myself and others that life is linear and not a series of starts and stops and that you can’t really ‘ go back and start over”, I still see my successes and failures as singular events and not as they really are, a continuous event. All successes are built some what at least upon the existence of some other event, be it a success or a failure. You can succeed from failure. It happens everyday.

I keep asking myself. ‘What did I do wrong this time, that made it not turn out they way I had planned ?’ Instead of think of it as a continues flow of a single event. The existence/realization, ( we don’t need to go into the difference right now) of a problem is the beginning. If the problem isn’t resolved completely then it still in flow that is to say it not resolved, finished etc. So when I think this time I’ll solve it this way... what I am really saying is … ‘In my continuing effort to bring this event to a resolution I will attempt through thought, research and physical/mental/emotional effort to resolve it in this way.’ If the event is not resolved then it will continue, not end and I’ll retry .. retry ? No it continues. Sometimes it’s years between attempts .. but it’s linear. You keep trying. Not end and start again.

I ask myself two questions often, maybe to often:

1. ‘If you’re so damn smart, what the hell are doing here?’ or the variation ‘how’d you get here, how’d you end up here ? you get the point.
I don’t have an answer for this one … probably never will.. Ego clash or something .

The second question is:
2. ‘What makes you think this time will be any different ?’ !!!! THIS IS THE ONE I HAVE THE PROBLEM WITH. !!!!

This time isn’t any different because it’s the same time. It’s all one attempt. Maybe sectioned off by set backs … weeks when I thought the problem was solved and/or time when I just didn’t give a shit if it ever gets solved. But it’s always been one consistent problem to solve. Not a ‘that time’ and ‘this time’.