Title: Never Again
Author: Morgana (morganalebeau@yahoo.com)
Website: http://www.oocities.org/morganalebeau/
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Never Again 3
By Morgana
One hour later Remy was emotionally worn down. The room revealed nothing but peace and quiet, but he knew how deceiving that could be. His eyes darted wildly, searching for a change in the air, indicating that a tesseract was being opened, but nothing happened. Mon Dieu, he couldn't hold this up much longer.
Suddenly Bobby moved again and this time the other man rolled closer toward him. Remy's heart missed a beat when Bobby raised an arm and then draped it over his waist. A quick, forceful pull and suddenly his back rested against Bobby's chest. What the...?
Bobby draped one leg over his and now held him tightly, pulling him to his chest. Remy blinked in surprise. Bobby's breath caressed his neck, causing his skin to form goose skin. Mon Dieu, what was Bobby doing?
Carefully, he looked over his shoulder. Bobby's eyes were closed and the other man's breathing indicated that he was still asleep. That explained things. Bobby was probably having a pleasant dream. Maybe he was even dreaming of Rogue. Over the years he had realized that Bobby had a crush on her, but Rogue had told him that she wasn't in the least interested in Bobby. The poor boy.
Bobby tightened his hold, sighed blissfully and buried his face in Remy's hair.
Remy didn't dare move, afraid he would wake up Bobby. Doubtlessly Bobby would be embarrassed like hell, waking up like this.
Then the situation got even more complicated. Bobby began nuzzling the back of his neck and one hand rubbed his skin through his shirt. Bobby was also growing hard and the other man's erection pressed against his ass.
Remy was growing desperate by now. Bobby would never forgive him if he woke up like this. Drake would probably assume that it was his doing. He did have a certain reputation, one which he didn't deserve. During the time that he had been dating Rogue he had always been faithful to her.
"Oh, yeah..."
A lump formed in Remy's throat. Bobby was now rubbing against him. Please don't let him wake up and blame this on me! I didn't do a thing!
Bobby's movements suddenly stopped and another sigh reached his ears. Fuck, Bobby had come in his dreams while holding him! Remy didn't know if he should be angry, relieved, curious or disappointed. Bobby had come holding him! But whom is he dreaming of? Rogue? Certainly not me!
Satiated, Bobby continued to hold Remy close, determined to hold on to the warm body, which presence even registered in his sleep.
Remy considered freeing himself of the embrace, but in the end decided against it. Bobby was asleep. Had come in his sleep. Drake wasn't using him. Maybe he should just accept this warmth, this closeness and use it to get some decent sleep. He could worry about Bobby finding out in the morning.
He pressed back against Bobby, who sighed pleased. The arms around him tightened and he swore Drake just pressed a kiss on to his shoulder. He almost hoped that Bobby would whisper a name, his name, but that was wishful thinking. Bobby was interested in girls, not men, and certainly not a nutcase like him!
Giving up his search for the forming tesseract, he closed his eyes and let his mind drift. He was always conscious of Sinister's presence, but now that Bobby was close, he felt safe and sheltered. Sinister couldn't get to him now that he was in Bobby's arms. Drake would notice Sinister's arrival and help him flee.
Now that he was safe he could finally sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first beams of sunlight reached his face and warmed him. Remy reluctantly peeked through half closed eyelids. Bobby had forgotten to close the curtains before turning in last night.
Speaking of Bobby... Bobby still lay spooned behind him, holding him tight in his sleep. Remy indulged himself and enjoyed being held like this.
Over the years he'd had several lovers; men and women. He had been happy with Belle, until he had been forced to flee New Orleans. Then Nathan had appeared and one year of complete happiness had followed.
Then reality had kicked in and he had stared Sinister in the eyes. Seeing him morph in to Nathan had killed something inside him. For one year he had thought that Nathan loved him. Now he knew he had been in love with an illusion and their love had never existed.
Sinister had never forced him, but had tried to seduce him in Nathan's guise. But he had denied Sinister, hurt and disappointed that Sinister was only interested in playing games.
Rogue had then taken her place as his lover and they had been happy for a short while, but then the obstacles had appeared. She didn't trust him completely, accusing him of keeping things from her. Of course he kept things from her! He didn't want her to know about Sinister/Nathan, and the way the scientist had tricked him in to betraying the Morlocks.
Things had quickly gone downhill. Rogue had started to distance herself from him and then she absorbed part of his memory, which caused her to leave him in Antarctica.
It had been cold then. Cold and deserted. He had resorted to chewing the metal wires, hoping it would sustain him, kindle the kinetic fire, but it hadn't worked. Days later he had been close to death. Hunger and cold killing him slowly and then Sinister had appeared, offering him a deal.
Remy vividly recalled the bitter offer. "Be my lover again and I will save you."
Why had he ever accepted? Because he had wanted to live. He hadn't been ready yet to die. So he had given in to Sinister, promised the scientist whatever he wanted and Sinister had taken him to his lab and had nursed him back to health.
One day, Sinister came to him to collect and he refused to pay his debt, to keep up his end of the bargain. Sinister had been furious, had threatened him, but never forced him. He knew how important it was to Sinister that he came willingly and that was the one thing he would never do.
It had taken him several attempts to flee Sinister's lab, but in the end he succeeded and found a way out. Then the terrible whispering had started. Sinister's mind crossed the distance between them and began harassing him. The voice never faltered, never left and it had been his constant companion for the last six months.
And now everything was quiet inside his mind. Peace... bliss... And all that thanks to Bobby.
Bobby... Remy peeked over his shoulder. Drake was still asleep and for an Iceman, he radiated an awful lot of heat. Not that he minded, he hated being cold.
Bobby... What had possessed Bobby to reach out and hold him like this? All through the night Bobby had held on to him, never letting go.
Merde, how would Bobby react when finding him in his arms? And even worse... What would Bobby do, realizing he had come in his sleep, holding him like that. Would Bobby freak out? Blame him? Tell him to leave? Mon Dieu, he didn't want to leave!
"Hum... Morning, love..." Bobby was starting to wake up, but wasn't in a hurry. The warm body in his arms felt too good.
Remy tensed completely. Love? What was that about? Bobby was probably not fully awake yet and lost in the last remnants of his sleep.
"Yeah..." Bobby smiled, inhaled the spicy scent and loved the way the hair tickled his nose... Huh? Spicy scent? What? His eyes flashed open in horror. "What...?" At first he didn't understand what had happened, then he realized Remy was in his arms and even worse, he had a tight hold on the Cajun. Fuck, what had happened last night?
His panic grew worse realizing that his boxers clung to his body for a reason. He'd had a wet dream and during the night he had come! He had come with Remy in his arms. Fuck, he was in big trouble! How was he going to explain this to Remy?
Realizing that Remy was looking over his shoulder, Bobby met the alien eyes, reading the surprise in them. What could he do to save the situation? Shit, he had really messed up. Now what?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remy literally felt Bobby's distress and shock. Bobby was freaking out and he had to do something quick. "Bobby, you had a nice dream, that happens. Don't make a big deal outta it." But it was a big deal, at least for him it was. Last night he had felt secure and sheltered for the first time in months and when Bobby had called him love by accident, an absurd hope had blossomed inside him. But no, Bobby didn't care about him in that way. "Just a dream, bien?"
Bobby leapt on to Remy's explanation, grabbing it like a lifeline. "Yeah, that's it, just a dream. Oh, Remy, I'm so sorry." Realizing that he still had his arms around the Cajun he quickly let go and pulled back. He almost fell out of bed, but managed to land on his feet. For some reason his knees were wobbly. Ashamed, he grabbed one of the blankets and covered up his groin area with it. The fact that he had come really embarrassed him and why didn't he remember a thing about the dream he'd had? It had made him come, so why had he forgotten about it? That didn't make any sense!
Shuffling his feet, Bobby peeked at Remy, who sat upright in bed, watching him. "Are we okay? I didn't ruin this, did I? Our friendship, I mean." God, he was rambling!
Remy smiled reassuringly. "We're bien, Bobby." He understood that Bobby was somewhat shaken, but there was no reason to freak out about it. In order to calm down Bobby, he had to radiate calm and understanding.
Bobby calmed slowly, wishing the floor would open and swallow him. He wanted to hide and never face Remy again! "I'm really sorry..."
Remy remained where he was, realizing Bobby needed his personal space. "Don't worry about it, homme. Could have happened to me too."
Bobby quickly nodded his head, glad that Remy was letting him off this easily. "I'd better take a shower..." He dashed in to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Man, that had been so embarrassing! How could that have happened during the night? Feeling a warm body close had probably triggered it, but he still felt ashamed.
He stepped beneath the spray, and shivered, as icy cold water dripped down his spine. The cold water startled him really awake. Until a moment ago he had been living in a prolonged dream. Man, he hadn't even asked Remy if he had misbehaved. Had he put the moves on Remy during the night? How could he ever face Remy again?
After stepping out of the cabin, he dried his hair and skin. Damn it, he had forgotten to bring some clothes with him! He couldn't walk out there naked! Slinging a towel around his hips wouldn't do either, making him feel way too exposed. He only had one option left.
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Remy used Bobby's absence to slip into jeans and a sweater, which he pulled from his duffle bag. Staring out of the window, he shivered. The sky had suddenly darkened. A fierce wind was blowing and slamming heavy raindrops against the window. An angry grey sky had swallowed the sun, which had shone brightly when he had woken. If Storm had been present at the mansion he would have thought it was her doing, but Storm was in Africa.
Head bowed, he pressed his still healing arm against his chest. Purposefully, he pushed the sleeve past the bandage and loosened it. The wound was healing nicely. The last time he had tried to re-open it, Bobby had entered. Now Bobby was in the bathroom and wouldn't disturb him.
Alone again and depressed by this morning's events, he pushed a nail under the crust, lifting it and ripping it away. The wound started to bleed again and he sighed. Hearing the word 'love' from Bobby's lips had briefly sparkled his hope that someone loved him in spite of all his mistakes. He had been fooling himself, as always.
Bobby was in love with Rogue and that dream had probably featured her. Would Bobby make a move now that Rogue was available again? Bobby had no idea what he was getting himself in to. Rogue was high maintenance and she had never learned to trust and love unconditionally. That was one reason why their relationship had been doomed from the start.
His arm throbbed, distracting him and he sighed, applying a new bandage. He didn't want Bobby to see what he had done.
"Uh, Remy? Could you do me a favor?"
Bobby's voice startled him. He quickly pulled down his sleeve, hiding the bandage once more and composed himself. "Oui?"
"Could you get me some clothes? I forgot to bring them along. Jeans and a shirt are fine."
Remy looked at the closet and cupboards. "No problem." He hated going through Bobby's things, and luckily located the jeans quickly. A shirt fell into his hands when a pile collapsed. He bent down to pick up some socks and stared at Bobby's pile of boxers. A smile broke through on his face, selecting the boxers adorned with a roaring Hulk.
He pushed the bathroom door ajar and placed everything on the floor, never looking at the shower cabin. "It's all here, homme."
"Thanks, Remy."
Remy closed the door again and started to pace Bobby's room. He felt trapped and confined. Yes, he could climb down the wall again and return to the boathouse, but then he would be alone again and he had sort of promised Charles to stay at the mansion. In an effort to distract himself, he made the bed and opened the window to air the place. A knock on the door took him by surprise. Should he get it or pretend no one was in?
"Remy, can you get that?"
Merde, Bobby had heard the knock! Remy sighed and walked over to the door.
"Bobby? I know Remy's in there with you. Come on, guys, open up. I want to talk to you, Remy."
Merde! It was Scott! What was Cyke doing here? Realizing that there was no way out, Remy opened the door. "Cyke?"
"So I was right! You're here!" Scott marched in to the room and studied Remy from top to toe. He didn't like what he saw. The Cajun looked badly out of a shape. "No, no one told me. I just added up everything I knew," said Scott, seeing the question in Remy's eyes.
Remy sighed. "What do you want, Cyke?"
"I want to talk to you." Scott closed the door and stared at Remy. "I don't know what's going on and I hate being kept in the dark, but I respect that you don't want to confide in me. That's your decision, but Remy, are you in any kind of danger?"
"Why would you ask that?" Remy's eyes narrowed. Great, now Bobby joined them as well. He bet they would team up against him!
"Mainly because you're not staying in your own room. I was wondering why you'd move in with Bobby. There has to be a reason for that and I bet I won't like it." Scott caught Remy's flinch. Bull's eye, he was right. Something was wrong! "I wish the professor told me what's up, but he won't, only with your permission."
Bobby's frown made Remy swallow hard. He knew what was coming.
"You know, Remy," started Bobby, "Scott's got a point. Maybe if you tell him what's going on he'll be able to help. Remember what I told you about his optic blast? Scott can kick his ass."
"His?" Scott arched an eyebrow. "Who's he?" He locked eyes with Remy, who seemed uncomfortable. "I can update the mansion's security if I know who I'm trying to keep out." On some level it hurt that Remy didn't trust him to help when he was in danger, but then again, he had never given Remy a reason to trust him in these kind of situations. "I only want to help."
Bobby nodded his head. "It's your call, Remy." He hoped Remy would accept the help. Remy might think he could do everything on his own, but he needed help against Sinister.
"Who am I looking for?" asked Scott, hoping to convince Remy to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Please, Remy."
The 'please' worked. Scott had never said that to him before. He lowered his eyes and stared at the floor, unable to stand Scott's stare. "Sinister."
"Sinister? That bastard...?" Scott's voice trailed off. "What does he want?" Sinister was a foe he knew only too well. The scientist had made his life hell as well. He felt sympathetic, honestly wanting to help Remy. "Sinister's my enemy as well."
Remy sighed relieved. "It's Sinister..." He didn't feel up to telling Scott more. This had to do.
"You might want to increase security, Slim," added Bobby. "Sinister will try to get inside the house." He hoped he hadn't crossed a line by revealing that to Scott. "Trust me, Sinister means business and we have to look out for tesseracts forming inside the mansion."
Scott nodded once. "I'll get started on it right away. The professor knows?" He looked at Remy.
"Oui, he knows..." Remy averted his eyes, overwhelmed by Scott's emotions, which were flowing over him. The walls Charles had built were designed to keep out Sinister, but other people's emotions still got past them. He needed to work on that later. Now Scott's were washing through him and he was surprised to find out just how worried Scott was. He hadn't given Scott enough credit in the past. He had always thought that Scott merely acted concerned because he was team leader, but now he realized that the concern was real and not an act. That surprised him.
"You can find me in the control room if you need me," said Scott, addressing Remy in particular. "Sinister played a rather big part in my life as well, so if you want to talk..."
The offer stunned Remy, but his empathy told him Scott was sincere. "Merci," he whispered eventually, feeling awkward.
"I'll be on my way then..."
Was he imagining things or was Scott stalling? Remy frowned. Why would Scott stall? Scott shuffled his feet and then left. Remy turned to Bobby. "What was that about?"
"He cares, Remy," said Bobby deadpanned. "He's only human. I know Scott's not popular but he's a rock. You can count on him when you need him."
"I'm beginning to see that..." He might have judged too quickly in the past as well.
"So what are we gonna do all day long?" Bobby grinned, seeing the bed had already been tidied. "Bored already?"
"Maybe," admitted Remy.
"Lemme contact the professor and see if he wants to talk to you again. Maybe we can go for a walk?" Remy looked like he needed the fresh air and the exercise.
Remy mutely nodded and sat down on the window sill once more. His book was still lying there and he picked it up, starting to read again.
Bobby called the professor's study and talked to Xavier. After ending the conversation, he looked at Remy. "He wants to see you after dinner."
"I'll be there," said Remy listlessly. He dropped the book to the floor and stared outside. "It stopped raining..."
"Great, that means we won't get wet." Bobby rummaged in Remy's duffle bag and came up with a pair of boots. "Put them on. We're going for a walk."
"Don't wanna. It's cold and wet outside." Remy shivered. "I'm fine right here."
"Come on, the fresh air will do you good." Bobby put on his boots and gathered his coat. "You can't hide in here forever."
Merde! Bobby knew why he didn't want to leave the room. What if they ran in to Warren or Rogue? That wouldn't be a pleasant confrontation.
"We need to get you a coat... Come on, Remy." Bobby slipped in to his coat, opened the door and waited for Remy to start moving.
"You're stubborn..." whispered Remy while putting on his boots. He almost yelped softly when his arm protested the movement. He hadn't had the time to properly disinfect it and a small part of him hoped it would get infected. The pain would keep him from brooding. Seeing Bobby standing there, something inside him softened. Bobby was trying so hard to help that it would be ungrateful not to comply.
"Let's go." Bobby headed for Remy's room. "Get your coat, Cajun."
Remy complied, slipped into his long trench coat and returned.
"Are you sure that coat is warm enough?" Bobby frowned. "How about a parka?"
"This is bien, homme." Remy followed Bobby's lead, but continued to hope that Bobby would abort his plans and head back to his room, but he had no such luck.
"Ah, Robert, did you enjoy the Twinkies?"
Remy cursed privately as Hank walked up to them. He had hoped they wouldn't run in to anyone.
"Hank, what the hell were you thinking? No way I can eat that Twinkie mountain."
"Maybe Remy can help?" Hank managed to get a clear look at Remy. "Remy, it's been a while..."
Remy cringed. "Sorry, Henri, but I've been busy..." Busy with isolating and hurting himself until Bobby had broken that vicious circle.
"I scheduled your annual check up tomorrow morning, Remy. Please come to the medlab at eight."
Remy started to tremble and that worried Bobby. The Cajun wouldn't pass the medical exam and Hank would put him on the inactive list. And was that such a bad thing? Remy needed some down time. Maybe making it official would help. "I'll make sure he's there at eight."
Remy shot Bobby an irritated glance. Why was Bobby making his decisions for him? "Can't we reschedule, Henri?"
"No, the rules are clear on that. An X-Men needs to pass that test at any given time, Remy." Hank seemed determined.
Remy sighed, realizing he didn't stand a chance against them. Hank would never let him pass in his current condition. "I'll be there."
"Great, and now, Robert, I'm off to have breakfast."
Bobby had planned to have something to eat before heading outside, but looking at Remy he realized that the Cajun wasn't up to more confrontations. "We'll see you tomorrow morning."
Hank left and Bobby steered Remy toward the front door. "Let's get out of here. We can have breakfast at the boathouse, there's less company."
Remy wholeheartedly agreed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few minutes later Remy had to agree that Bobby had been right about the fresh air and exercise. He was starting to feel better, more awake and alive. They were heading for the boathouse and Bobby had fallen in to step beside him. Bobby was happily chattering away about New Zealand and his hope that they could have a look at the travel guides this afternoon.
"You know, Remy, I really think you'd enjoy exploring the country, to get away from Westchester, the X-Men, everything going on in your life. Why don't you wanna come with me?" Bobby locked eyes with a reluctant Cajun who tried to look away. "We can wait until we dealt with Sinister and then leave. Just think about it?" Bobby gave Remy a hopeful look.
"I don't know, homme." A part of him wanted to tag along, but yet another part wanted to avoid all contact. Bobby didn't push and he appreciated that.
"I love it, the way everything smells after it rained," said Bobby happily. He was in a good mood today. A support group was forming around Remy and the Cajun probably didn't even know it. Charles would work with Remy on the empathy and Scott was keeping an eye out for Sinister. Hank would doubtlessly find a way to deal with Remy's medical problems and it was his job to distract the Cajun from his problems.
They had reached the boathouse by now and Bobby followed Remy inside. They headed for the kitchen where Remy switched on the coffeemaker and Bobby busied himself pulling food items from Remy's well stuffed shelves. A few minutes later they were drinking coffee and happily munching away.
Bobby kept a close eye on Remy and found that a little bit of color was returning to the Cajun's face. Having company was doing wonders for Remy. Now he had to try to make Remy open up to him once more. "Can't have been easy, living here on your own with Sinister in your head."
Remy's knife dropped on to his plate with a loud thud. His eyes briefly sought out Bobby's. Why was Drake addressing this now?
"How did you do it? How did you stay sane?"
"Who says I'm sane?" Remy stared at his plate, unable to look at Bobby.
Bobby arched an eyebrow. "Well, who's sane these days? Join the crowd. I've been accused of some insane behavior, like trying to eat ten Twinkies at once. You wouldn't believe the mess I made..." Bobby smiled warmly. "Speaking of Twinkies, do you like them? I still got hundreds of them and Hank expects me to eat them all."
Remy managed a weak smile in return. "That's lots of sugar."
"You look like you could use lots of sugar," said Bobby, playing dirty. Remy chuckled softly and Bobby definitely liked the sound. There had been a time when Remy had chuckled and laughed like that all the time. That seemed years ago. Sipping his coffee, another shock coursed through him. "Man, that coffee is evil!" It would raise the dead!
"Glad you approve," teased Remy, giving Bobby a hesitant smile. The friendly banter felt so good, so warm and he realized that Bobby's emotions had made it past his defenses. That must be why he was starting to feel warm and happy as well. His first thought was to push those emotions away, but they felt way too good and he pulled them even closer, enjoying the moment.
Bobby noticed Remy's relaxed expression and grinned. "What do you wanna do the rest of the day?"
"I don't know..." Honestly? Sleep. He wanted to crawl back in to bed, pull up the covers and sleep all day long.
"Let's take it easy today. You know, watch some TV, read, look at the travel guides, talk, maybe even take a nap?" Bobby saw the pleased expression in Remy's eyes and knew he had made the right decision. "You like that idea, don't you?"
"Oui, sounds bien..." He had never thought he would enjoy Bobby's presence this much, but he did. "You're okay with me invading your home like that? Maybe I should head for my own room." Privately he cringed. Being alone in his room would drive him insane.
"I'm fine with you staying, Remy. I like the company." Bobby leaned back and finished his coffee. "Do you want to take anything with you from the boathouse? I don't know when we'll come back again."
Remy got to his feet and searched the living room for some of his CD's. Looking over his shoulder, he found that Bobby was putting their plates in the sink. "I can do that later," he offered.
"It's not a problem. Just get your stuff, Remy."
Remy picked up a plastic bag and began stuffing his things in to it. The last item he collected from the bedroom. It was a picture, showing Mattie, Jean-Luc, Henri an he, all standing in the living room. His family... The family who had deserted him in the end. He didn't really blame Jean-Luc for banishing him, knowing that his father's hands had been tied, but what really hurt was that neither Mattie nor Jean-Luc had kept in contact with him. The phone calls had gotten less frequent and then stopped. Maybe they had heard about the massacre and drawn their own conclusions?
His shoulders slumped forward. The loneliness crept up on him again and one fingertip began to glow with kinetic energy. Determinedly, he pressed it against the inside of his wrist, scorching his flesh. The foul stench of burned flesh invaded his nostrils and he hated himself for doing this. But it worked. The hurt his family had caused him was fading now.
"Remy, what the hell are you doing!" Bobby hurried in to the room, knelt in front of Remy and gently took hold of the Cajun's wrist. "Don't tell me this was another accident."
Remy flinched when Bobby's fingers touched his skin. He wanted to yell at Bobby to leave the room and to leave him alone, but the words got stuck in his throat. Bobby's touch was gentle, caring and the concern emanating from Bobby's mind made him feel like a bastard for scaring the other man like that. "It's just a burn."
"Just a burn?" Bobby pushed back his anger, knowing the empath wouldn't deal well with feeling it. He could yell at Remy later when his emotions weren't that strong. "Why? Why are you doing this?" Using his mutant powers, he created a film of ice on top of the burn, cooling it. "Why are you hurting yourself?"
Remy wanted to pull back his arm, but Bobby refused to let him go. Anger, fear and hope were waging a fierce battle.
"Remy? Why?" Bobby closely monitored the burn. He needed a first aid kit, but he didn't dare leave Remy alone right now. "What was it?"
The questions and concern got to Remy and he caved in. Trembling, he showed Bobby the picture that had brought on his emotional outburst.
"Who are they?" Bobby sighed relieved now that Remy was trying.
Remy pointed at Mattie. "She was like a mother to me. I don't know my real parents, but Mattie took on that responsibility. She raised me, together with Jean-Luc. I was a handful."
"Who's this?"
"That's Henri, my brother, but he's dead..."
Bobby didn't know what to do next. "Where are they now?" Maybe he could contact them and ask them to be there for Remy?
"New Orleans..." Memories flooded his mind, good and bad ones. "Lived there my entire life."
"Why did you leave?" Bobby changed his position and sat down on the bed. Kneeling on the hard floor was bad for his knees.
"I was kicked out..." Remy continued to stare at the picture. "Can't believe I'm telling you this, homme."
Bobby nodded. "You're a private person, Remy. You talk a lot, but seldom about yourself. Thanks for telling me." He spotted a first aid kit beneath the bed and pulled it toward him. "So why the burn?"
"Thinking about them hurt so bad. I want to be with them, but I can't. I feel..." His voice deserted him, unable to form the words that revealed his solitude.
"You're lonely," finished Bobby for him. "I understand that. I wish my parents were close, but they're not."
"But you can go and visit them." Remy allowed Bobby to put some soothing ointment on the burn.
"You still didn't answer my question, Remy. Why burn yourself?"
"It makes the pain go away..." Merde, had he really said that aloud? Fuck! Acting on instinct, he leapt to his feet to flee the room, but Bobby reacted just as fast.
"No, Remy, stay. You came to me because you couldn't deal with the loneliness. Now don't run away again."
They stood facing each other and Remy was surprised to find just how strong Bobby's hold on him was. Bobby refused to let go of his arm, keeping him close. "I've been running for years..."
"Then it's time to stop running." Bobby smiled warmly. "You're already opening up to me, Remy. Now let me help."
"I ain't sure I can." Bobby's next move utterly stunned him. Bobby suddenly pulled him close for a hug! His body tensed, but his mind welcomed the closeness, the friendship offered. After a moment's hesitation, he rested his head on Bobby's shoulder and to his eternal shame tears built in his eyes, which flowed freely over his face. He held on to Bobby, swaying on his feet.
"It's gonna be all right, Remy. I promise." Touched by Remy's acceptance, Bobby rubbed the Cajun's back. "You don't have to do this alone."
"I've always been alone..." Remy sobbed softly, ashamed that he was falling apart in front of a team-mate.
Bobby continued to hold him, whispered soft reassurances and wondered why the hell holding Remy felt so good. He never wanted to let go again. Horrified, he realized he was growing hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bobby abruptly moved away from Remy, releasing the Cajun from the embrace as if burned. Turning away, he tried to figure out what was happening. "Shit, Remy, I..."
Bobby's rejection hit Remy hard. His hair fell in front of his face, hiding his upset expression. He had a pretty good idea what was going on, but didn't want to confront Bobby with his bisexuality, which Drake had always successfully hidden from himself. It was time to take the blame; maybe it would reassure Bobby and save their friendship. "Sorry, mon ami, my fault."
Bobby spun around. "Your fault?" His eyes narrowed, seeing unshed tears swimming in the alien eyes.
"Must be the empathy..." He hoped Bobby would buy it, because he had no idea how to explain a made up story in detail.
Bobby was tempted to let Remy take the blame, but couldn't. "I don't think it's your empathy." Shuffling his feet, he nervously averted his eyes. "I think it's me."
"Why'd you say that?" Remy was holding his breath. His empathy told him that Bobby had enjoyed holding him like that, and had even picked up on some affection and sexual interest during the hug, but could he tell Bobby? No, not yet.
"I... always envied you." Bobby moistened his lips, dreading what was coming next.
"Envied me?" Remy was stunned. What was there to be envious of?
"You had Rogue and I wanted her as well."
"I knew you had a crush on her," admitted Remy honestly. Bobby was standing a few feet away from him, maintaining distance and that made him ache inside. He didn't know why or how he had formed a connection with Bobby, but apparently he had. They were bonding. "If you want to pursue her, you can." But that wasn't want Bobby really wanted. The question was, did Bobby know what he wanted?
"No, I'm not interested in her anymore." Bobby drew in a deep breath and locked eyes with Remy. "I seem to be more interested in you, but I don't get it. I don't like men in that way."
Remy's heart contracted. Bobby was hiding the truth from himself. Was it his task to set him straight? "Are you sure you don't like men, Bobby?"
"What are you picking up? You're the empath here." Bobby reminded himself just in time that Remy knew better what was going on than he did.
Remy shook his head. "This ain't about me. What are you feeling, Bobby? Why react like that when holding me?"
Bobby shrugged. "I like holding you."
"Why?" Remy cursed himself for not letting this rest, but he owed Bobby. "Why do you like it?"
Bobby was beginning to feel nervous. Cold sweat poured from his pores. "I don't know."
"You can do better." Remy walked toward Bobby and came to a halt in front of him. "Hold me..."
Bobby shook his head. "That's a bad idea."
"You don't wanna find out the truth about yourself?" Remy was offering himself as part of the experiment. "It's okay if you get turned on, Bobby. I don't mind."
Bobby bit his bottom lip. "I'm not doing it." But then Remy moved quickly, pulling him in to a hug. "Remy, what..." He found himself buried in a warm hug. Remy was rubbing his back, whispering words he didn't understand. "What are you doing?" He could feel the empathy at work and that was how he knew Remy hadn't influenced him before.
"Trying to calm you down, nothing else. The rest's your feelings. What are you feeling, Bobby?"
Now that he was relaxing, Bobby had to admit that the hug felt good. "Don't know... You feel good, different."
"Different to what?"
"To a girl..." Bobby rested his head against Remy's chest and heard the other man's heartbeat. "What am I feeling, Remy? Tell me." He knew now, but he couldn't say the words. The warm body triggered a response inside his groin and the arousal returned.
"You know what you're feeling, homme. You do like men in that way. You like me in that way..." Remy had no idea what to do next.
Bobby made the decision for him. "Remy? Look at me?" His heart missed a beat, seeing defeat in Remy's eyes. "What?" But Remy shook his head and remained quiet. Was the Cajun thinking of Sinister, his ex-lover? Acting on instinct, he pulled Remy close and pressed a gentle kiss on the Cajun's soft lips.
There was no way of telling who was more surprised. Bobby for being this bold or Remy for answering the kiss. A few seconds later, Remy broke away, marching toward the doorway.
Bobby, dazed and confused, followed him. "Remy? I'm sorry! I didn't want to... Did I read you wrong? I thought..." He shut up when Remy raised a hand.
"It ain't you, Bobby. I like you," whispered Remy with his back still toward Bobby. "It's me; the mistakes I made."
"What mistakes?" Bobby wondered if Remy was talking about Sinister. "You know, I think I'm developing some feelings for you. Man, I never saw this coming, but now that I know what's going on I need to know where we stand. Do I have a chance with you, Remy? Do you like me in that way?"
Remy quickly wiped away a stray tear. "I do, but it can never be."
"Why?" Bobby walked up to Remy and remained standing behind him. He rested a hand on Remy's shoulder.
"Sinister's in my head for a reason." Chills crept up his spine, but Bobby wasn't responsible for them. Sinister was.
"Remy?" Fed up with Remy's evasive attitude, he stood in front of Remy. He cupped Remy's chin in the palm of his hand and forced the Cajun to look at him.
"Sinister and I... We have a history together... I... let him fu..."
"Don't say it." Bobby placed a finger against Remy's lips before the Cajun could end his sentence. "I'm sure he tricked you." He didn't know where that certainty came from, but it must have been a trick on Sinister's part. He couldn't imagine Remy willingly take Sinister as a lover.
Remy's knees turned weak and he ended up on his knees. Bobby went down with him, kneeling and holding him close. "I didn't know it was Sinister. He changed his appearance. He called himself Nathan and I didn't know... Would never have... I feel so used. Now he won't leave me alone."
Bobby smiled weakly. "I knew it was a trick."
"When I found out I tried to run, but ended up almost dying in the Morlock's tunnels. Sinister gave Creed instructions to wound me, but not kill me. He wanted to nurse me back to health himself, counting on me feeling thankful and staying. But the police got to me first..." Now that he was confessing everything up to Bobby he had another secret to reveal. "Sinister saved my ass at Antarctica, said he wouldn't let me die. Took me one month to recover and then another to find a way out of his lab."
"And then he started to whisper in to your mind." Everything made sense now. Bobby stared deeply into Remy's swimming eyes. "I still like you in that way. Sinister hurt you... I promise I never will."
Remy shuddered violently. "Can't believe you still want me, knowing..."
"He tricked you," said Bobby in a firm tone. "I'll never use tricks on you. What's it gonna be, Remy? Are you giving me a chance?"
Remy lowered his eyes and found that Bobby had clasped his fingers around his hands. Bobby was rubbing them gently. "I don't deserve that chance."
"You do." Bobby smiled, pushed back Remy's stray locks and caressed the Cajun's face. "I told you before that we'll do this together."
Remy shook his head. "Can't believe you..."
"Then I'll prove it to." Bobby placed another gently kiss on Remy's lips.
Remy sighed. "Bobby, I..."
"Come on, we're heading home. The professor still wants to talk to you and Hank wants you at the medlab in the morning. Maybe you can squeeze me in during the night."
Remy was lost for words. His glance traveled to the framed picture of his family. Moments ago he had felt completely miserable and only physical pain had taken away the emotional one and now he was holding a potential lover in his arms. The pain his family had caused had been pushed in to the background as Bobby forced him to face his feelings. Holding on to Bobby, he let the other man's feelings wash over him and he clung to them for dear life.