Smelly Cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault
They won't take you to the vet
You're obviously not their favorite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you're no friend to those with noses
Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault

Two of Them Kissed last Night

There was a girl, we'll call her Betty,
and a guy let's call him Neil.
Now I can't stress this point too strongly,
this story isn't real.
Now our Neil must decide,
who will be the girl that he casts aside.
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?
Or will it be the one who we'll call Ju...Loolie?
He must decide, he must decide,
even though I made him up, he must decide!

Sticky Shoes

My sticky shoe
My sticky, sticky shoe
Why you stick on me, ba-a-bay?

Snowman

I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La-la-la-la-la-la-la..

Bi-sexuals

Sometimes men love women
And sometimes men love men
Then there are bi-sexuals
Though some just say they're kidding themselves
La-la-la-la-la-la...

My Coma Guy

You don't have to be awake to be my man
As long as you have brain waves
I'll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day
There's something I have go to say...
Thank you

Don't

There'll be times when you get older
And you'll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you
But DON'T
Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do
That's another thing that you don't wanna do.

Grandma

Now grandma's a person who everyone likes
She brought you a train and a bright shiny bike
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and someday you will too
La-la-la-la-la...

Crazy Underwear

Crazy underwear creeping up my butt
Crazy underwear always in a rut
Crazy underwear...

Terry's a jerk

Terry's a jerk,
and he won't let me work,
and I hate Central Perk!
You're all invited to bite me!

Tony Tarzan

Little Tony Tarzan
Swinging on an nose hair
Swinging with the greatest of ease...

Jingle bitch

Okay. ‘Jingle bitch screwed me over!
Go to hell jingle whore!
Go to hell Go to hell.
Go to hell-hell-hell.’
That’s all I have so far.

Blackout

New York City has no power,
and the milk is getting sour.
But to me it is not scary,
'cause I stay away from dairy....
la, la, la, la.

Holiday Song

Went to the store,
sat on Santa's lap
Asked him to bring my friends
all kinds of crap
Said all you need is
to write them a song
Now you haven't heard it
yet so don't try to sing along
No don't sing along
Monica, Monica,
have a happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus,
he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey,
Christmas will be snowwwy
And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler!

Babies

They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,
and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,
you cry and you cry and you cry.
And you cry and you cry and you cry...

Parading Goats

Parading goats are parading,
Parading down the street.
Parading goats are parading,
Leaving little treats.

They found their bodies

They found their bodies the very next day,
they found their bodies the very next...
la, la, la, la.

Little Fetus

Are you in there little fetus?
In nine months will you come greet us?
I will buy you some Adidas

Cremated Mother

My mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar,
And sometimes when it's breezy...

Barnyard animals

Oh the cow in the meadow goes "moo"
Oh the cow in the meadow goes "moo"
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up
And that's how we get hamburgers.
Nowwwww chickens!

In the Shower

I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
(pause)
As needed!

Fat Woman

It wasn’t just that she was fat

The woman smelled like garbage

Everyone!

It wasn’t just that she was fat

The woman smelled like garbaaaaaaage