Date: 4 June 2003

Title: Changes

Author: Das Jessy

Archive: Yep, yep, yep.

Summary: Summaries are *way* overrated.

Rating: PG-13

Category: Carachter-studies, angsty, B/S in the end, or so I think.

Disclaimer: Joss what? What are you talking about? *puts fingers in ears*

La la la...I can't hear you.

Spoilers: Post- Chosen, Post- Home

Feedback: You are not going to believe it but for Chosen, no more I've really gotten feedback. Well, okay, it was from a good friend of mine but it 'was' feedback. Want more...jessy_84@t-online.de

Writing Feedback does not hurt. I promise.

Author's Note: Sequel to Chosen, no more.

Well, I'm trying to write a charackter study or something resembling one. I haven't got the slightest idea if it's going to work out, we'll see.

My other stories can be found at www.spiritofsunnydale.de.vu

Changes by Das Jessy~~~~~~~~~~~~ She had had to wait two weeks until she could drive up to LA. She just couldn't skip classes at College and didn't get any free time before.

At first she'd wanted to call, ask if it was true. Fred had told Willow that one day he'd just called and asked Angel to pick him up in a town near Sunnydale.

He didn't want her to know, had asked Angel to never tell. It just slipped out when Fred was talking to Willow but she wasn't supposed to tell that Buffy knew now, that he was back.

Now, Buffy was driving to LA. She didn't know what she was gonna do when she saw him. She was angry, pissed off. How could he? He, who'd said he'd never leave, be given this gift and then not let her know. In a way he was worse than Angel, Riley, her father or Giles. They at least had told her they'd go. He hadn't said anything, he'd just hidden let her think he was dead, let her think she'd lost him forever.

She was constantly fingering the skull ring dangling from her neck, trying to calm herself. She didn't know what was gonna happen. Was there hope for them to be together? Would they give each other a chance? But the thing that scared her the most was if he still loved her. He, who she'd denied loving for such a long time. She'd begun to think of love as a disease. It spreads through you whole system until every cell in your body screams for this one person, the only one who can make it stop, this craving to be near him, to touch him, hear his voice. <<You will crave me.Like I crave blood.>>

She'd only been really in love two times, and with two vampires non the less. And both died to stop the apocalypse but only one out of his own free will.

Spike knew what he was doing, knew that he was leaving her. Buffy was furios that he hadn't called her as soon as he'd been back, that he'd confided his grand-sire, the guy he hated most in the world, trusted him over her.

The weeks since she learned that Spike was very much still among the undead or again she'd constantly thought up ways to kill him, to torture him for doing this to her. She tried to hate him again so she could just go there and tell him to fuck off and that she indeed did not need him and than ramming a stake through his heart for hurting her like that, for leaving her when she finally atmitted that she was in love with him. She was so going to kill him. Well, maybe she'd first kiss him senseless and then kill him, but definitely some mayor smoochies beforehand.

And then she was going to kill Angel and oh would he suffer. The magnificant poof dared to not tell her that Spike was back, he just kept quiet. Did she just call him magnificant Poof?! Spike much?

Since comin back from the dead, or the dead-er, I went out killing the nasties with my poofie grandsire and bloody hell is he making me crazy. They are all making me crazy. This Fred person is babbling on and on and on I think someday I'll have to bite her, sod the soul. Wesley's just as annyoing if not more so. Gunn hates me which is just as well with me, I think he only waits for me to turn against them. And this green guy, Lorne is going to die a bloody painful death I have you know, calling me sweetcheeks and some such rot.

And everyday spent with those morons I miss her more. My Slayer, my beautiful Buffy. The doubts about my decision to not let her know I was back came as soon as I'd made it. I'm missing her so bloody much that I think it's going to rip me into pieces every minute now.

"Spike, you coming?! We have to go kill those Fyarl demons in case you forgot." My grand-sire calls to me, bloody Peaches.

I enter the lobby to the Hyperion slowly not knowing what is waiting for me, still not knowing how to react.

I walk up to the counter but the hotel seems deserted. "Buffy?" I hear a voice from behind me and turn around. "Hey, Lorne." I greet him. "What are you doing here, sweetie?" He asks. "Where is he?" I ask him, avoiding his question. "Angel went out, had some work." I galre at him."I am not talking about Angel and you know it. Where the fuck is he?" "With Angel." He answers, not even trying to hide the fact that Spike's back. "How did you know?" he says coming over to me."Doesn't matter how, the question is 'why' did nobody tell me?" "Ithink you know why, Buffy." He says and walk off behind the counter. "Want something? Coke? It can take a while until they are back. I tell him 'no' and hop onto the counter. "What are you going to do?" The green demon asks walking up behind me something definitely alcoholic in one hand.

I shrug my shoulders and continue staring at the wall opposite me.

After waiting quite some time in silence the doors open and in walk Angel and Gunn, laughing about something. As soon as they see me they stop dead in their tracks. "Mates, what froze you up all of a sudden?" I hear a all too familiar voice coming up behind them, amusement in his voice. When he comes in sight our eyes immediatle lock and he whispers one word. "Buffy?"

We had no trouble killing the demons but well it was fun. I had a bloody great time killing those things and we're still laughing about some silly joke Gunn made when we enter the Hyperion, me following Gunn and the Poof.

They stop suddenly and I almost run into them, bloddy wankers, what do they have now? "Mates, what froze you up all of a sudden?" I ask and walk past them. Then I see what made them stop. There she is, sitting on the counter, staring me right into the eyes. It has to be a vision. I can't move and all I can say is her name.

The next thing I know she's pouncing on me. Hitting me in the chest, with her little fist. Not full Slayer strength so I barely feel it. She yelling and sobbing. "How could you?" She sniffs while continuing to hit me. "How could you not tell me. You fucking idiot, I was broken after you died and you didn't tell me when you were back." She manages to get out between hiccups and sobs. Then all fight leaves her body and she slumps into my embrace, crying softly. I can't hold her up for long, I'm too shaken myself so I knell down on the floor cuddling her close. Let my own tears stream.

After some time she falls asleep in my arms, too exhausted to do anything else. I look around the lobby and see that everyone has left.

I pick her up and bring her to my room were I lay her down on the bed cuddling up next to her and falling asleep almost the same instance.

I don't know how much time has past but when I wake up I find her still in my arms and those big hazel eyes gazing intensly at me. I push a strand of her behind her ear. "How did you know?" I ask her. "Or did you even know?" "Fred let it slip." "Bloody woman." I growl. I start fiddling with her necklace until I recognize what's dangling from it. I smile at her and ask where she found that thing. "Dawn, she saved some things of yours. it was among them. Reminded me of you, wanted to have it close but it is too big for my finger." We're quite for some time then she asks, barely audible. "Why, Spike?! Why not tell me?" "Thought it was for the best." I answer truthfully. "What? Me losing another man I love? Iwas a wreck after you died." I look away at that but she grabs my chin and forces me to look at her. "No, don't look away." Is till try to get out of her grasp." Come on, look at me." I finally give in and as soon as I look into those eyes I'm more lost than ever. There are tear wlling up and there's something that I've never seen in her eyes before. "I love you." She says, her voice strong. I want to say something but before I can, she presses her lips to mine, silencing me. "I love you, Spike. And don't you dare tell me that I don't." She presses another tender kiss to my lips. "That is what I regreted the most, not being able to make you belive this. I thought I'd lost you forever and then I have to hear that you are here, alive. Do you have any idea how much 'that' hurt? You thought it was the right thing to do? "I nod. "Well, it wasn't. I cannot do normal, and you should know that better than anybody else. I don't even want normal. I want you, Spike. It took me long enough to realize that. I was so afraid of what would happen when I came here. I thought up many different ways to kill you for doing this to me. Dying and then coming back and leaving me out. I didn't know how I was supposed to react to you but do you wanna know what I was totally scared about?" I nod again and am rewarded with another kiss. "That you wouldn't love me anymore." "Buffy-" No." She interrupts me. "You don't need to tell me, I can see it in your eyes." I tell her, nevertheless. "I love you." This time we kiss for real. "And I'm sorry, Luv. The last weeks without you, were hell." "Come to San Diego with me, Spike." "Are you sure about that?" "No. We'll argue like there's no tomorrow." She grins. "We'll probably annoy each other until one of os flips and it all end in us killing each other. But hell, do I want to try. I don't want to be without you and I know that something good can come out of this." I pull her tighther against me and show her just how much I want to try.

We walk into the Lobby hours later, Spike carrying a small bag with his belongings. Angels staning in the Lobby. "So you're leaving?" He asks his garnd-childe. "Yes, and thank...foreverything, mate." Spike answers.

I walk up to Angel and hit him across the face. "He hold a hand to his cheek and asks at me questioning. "That was for keeping ot from me." Then I kiss him on that very cheek. "And that's for keeping him save."

With that I turn around and Spike and I walk hand in hand out of the hotel and into a future that could bring us anything. But not matter if it's going to be easy or hard, we'll be together.

 

Comments: Finally finished.

I dedicate it to, Lioba. ;-)