And then...by Das Jessy~~~~~~~~~~~~We always fight. About nothing really. It's always the same nowadays, we get into an argument over nothing. Not the banter I was used to but real fighting, hurting each other. It isn't like the year after I'd come back, either. That year we fought, too, yeah, but never like this. Back then we destroyed each other, there was something to fight over, now, there is just nothing. But this time, it has been different. After the First was defeated I told him, that yes, I did have feelings for him but no, I couldn't be with him. That that would destroy my last chance for something normal in my life. I then thought he'd put up a fight telling me that we could indeed work it all out but he did nothing like that, he just took it in and told me he would move our of the basement.
We kept patrolling together, at first mostly in silence, but not the comfortable silence it used to be. It was strained. If we ever talked it would be about how to fight a demon or about Dawn. He always asked how she was, he even asked for Xander but he never wanted to know how I was feeling.
Then he'd miss out on patrol more and more often. At first I didn't think much of it until one night the Scoobies and I went to the Bronze. And there I saw him, with some brunette. I asked him about her the next night on patrol and he told me that they were dating. I asked him if it was serious and he made it clear that it was none of my business. Through Willow I found out that he met her quite frequently, that she knew about him being a vampire and that she accepted it. Willow said that she'd met them at the mall and that he'd seemed pretty happy and in love. That night I cried.
Still I thought it was for the best, but I had this nagging feeling that I pushed away mabe the only man who'd ever love all of me. And why could a normal woman deal with his demon when I couldn't. Me who isn't normal herself. The next times I saw him I avoided the subject all together, not that he would have told me anything. When I saw them together somewhere I would leave. We're sitting at a table in a corner of the Bronze when he arrives, with her.When they come over I get up and leave. He is furious, I know that much. I go home and while I'm still pouring myself some juice he bursts in through the back door. He's fuming. "What is all this about, Buffy" He asks. He never calls me Buffy, only when he's totally serious or in other times, gentler times. I looke at him, innocently. "What do you mean?" "What I mean? You're avoiding me. I can deal with that, but your leaving everytime me and her get somewhere is just ridiculous. You didn't want me, Slayer. What is this to you? I can't be with you but I can't be with somebody else, either?!" My eyes become glassy, but I won't cry. "Did I say that? Did I tell you not to see her anymore? I would never expect from you to stay alone but I just can't deal with it. Can't you understand that I just cannot stand you and this woman together?" "*You* wanted it that way, Buffy. You said you couldn't be with me. It was final. You don't love me, I moved on." "I love you, I do love you. I told you I had feelings, that I just wouldn't act on them. It hurts seeing you with her, hurts seeing you and knowing what I've given up in my own stupidity, knowing you don't love me anymore, will never look at me like you used to again. With devotion, full of love. You know Spike, I realized some things, that you were right all along. But you know how it is, you just keep pushing someone away and then, and then it's just too late." He only stares at me and I can't stand it, I turn around and run up the stairs to my room. I throw myself onto my bed and hug my pillow to me, crying. I know he won't come after me.

I don't see him the next days. Dawn tells me his girlfriend broke up with him that night. Said she'd had enough of him running after me.I know he blames me.
I plan on going to his crypt tonight. I love him and maybe, just maybe he still has feelings for me, too. When I arrive at his crypt I see it immediately. His things are gone. His TV, his chair. Looking in the lower level I find his clothes gone as well.
He left his bed, must have been to big. There's a shirt lying on top. I pick it up and pull it to my nose. It smells of him. I sit down on the bed and clutching his shirt to my chest start crying. I just know this time he won't come back.

Comments: The end? Review and if you ask nice there may be a sequel.
Pretty sad, huh? Well, I'm not feeling all to well at the moment, fits my mood. Ddeicate this story to Yasi. Happy Birthday.