Date: 24 may 2003
Title: Chosen, no more
Author: Das Jessy
Archive: Uh hu, but lemme know.
Summary: I still hate this...L
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angsty, B/S somehow
Disclaimer: They *so* are mine
Spoilers: Post- Chosen, Post- Home
Feedback: You've still got the chance to send me my first feedback.*lol*
jessy_84@t-online.de
Author's Note: Sequel to Another chance. You should read that one first.
Another Chance dealt with what happened with Spike after Chosen, this is going to be about Buffy. I got
asked why Angel was so nice to Spike in Another Chance. Well, I've got no idea really but I hope I'll be
able to make a little more sense of it in this story. My other stories can be found at www.spiritofx.com
 
 
 
Chosen, no more
 
 
 
"Dawn, would you please come down here and  take this box up?!" Buffy yelled for her younger sister. They had moved to San Diego one month ago and still weren't totally unpacked. They'd bought a small house near the coast the insurance of their old house in Sunnydale covering their expenses pretty well. Giles had gone back to England and since the Council was no more he was able to uncover their accounts so that Buffy'd have a little income. It still wasn't enough and she had to get a job but it was a start.
 
They'd needed to buy pretty much everything new. They'd only saved some clothes and some stuff that was important to them before they left Sunnydale. Everything'd been stashed away in the bus, little things really, like pictures of their mother or Mr.Gordo.
 
The sisters had stayed with Angel for about two month until Buffy'd found a house she could afford and a job in San Diego. She was working as a sales clerk in a little store now, it payed quite well and she didn't have to flip greasy burgers. She worked in the afternoons taking classes at College in the morning. Dawn was doing quite well at school and Willow and Kennedy lived nearby, moving to San Diego with them. Xander'd gone to god knows where. He'd said he needed some time to work things out. The Potentials had gone back to their families and Principal Wood was now working in a school somewhere in Iowa. Everything seemed to work out just fine, but it wasn't, not for Buffy at least. She wasn't the Chosen one anymore. Well, technically she was, she was still Chosen but now there were houndreds of them all around the earth. She could retire, hadn't to worry about slaying anymore, but if she learned anything over the years, than it is, that the Slayer was part of her. She was the Slayer. It just didn't feel right to ignore that fact and let the evil in the world be and let others worry about it. She'd helped Angel in LA and shortly after they'd arrived in their new home she'd started patrolling. Not every day, just sometimes. She needed it, needed the violence. It was her nature, she belonged in the dark. 'But you always end up in the dark'.
He'd been right then, she did always end up in the dark. She'd gotten her power from the dark, even the First Slayer had told her something like that. But she didn't fight it anymore, it was part of her, as was the light, she needed both.
Then there was Spike, or wasn't anymore. She'd grieved and then tried to be brave, to move on. But she couldn't forget him and didn't want to. But what hurt the most was thet there were to many things left unsaid. Yes, she'd told him that she loved him but he hadn't understood, hadn't believed her and she'd never gotten to show him. She wanted to tell him, that it was true, that she did love him and that she wanted him with her. The moment she saw him dying she knew she'd been ready...ready to be with him ready for him to... well, to enjoy her cookie self. But then it had been to late. He'd died saving her and the rest of the world. He'd left her , just like everyone else. Dawn didn't understand how he could mean that much to her after what he'd try to do, she'd never really forgiven him. Willow and Kennedy were to occupied with each other and Xander wouldn't have understood even if he'd stuck around. It was really funny the only one who realized just how much she'd hurt and was willing to listen had been Angel. They'd talked for hours on end. Buffy listening about what had happened in LA with Cordelia, learning everything about his son and him letting her cry on his shoulder about another man she'd lost. She knew he'd been jealous but he seemed to be proud of Spike as well. Buffy'd told him about how Spike'd changed even before he'd gotten the soul and Angel'd commented that he'd always been different and that it'd used to freak him out. When they'd said their goodybyes Angel'd told her that he was happy that they could talk again and that he'd keep Spike in a different memory now that she made him see his good sides.
Buffy never had told Angel about her telling Spike she loved him, this was between the two of them only. A memory only for her and for him to keep. She hoped that he was somewhere better now, hoped he was in heaven. He deserved it after saving the world, he deserved it just for being him. Buffy got broken out of her reverie when
 
Dawn came running down the stairs an picking up her box sending her sister an evil glare. Buffy'd pretty much stashed away the rest of the ting they'd boutgh new or brought with them. There was only one little box left, she hadn't seen before. "Dawn?" she yelled again. Dawn looked around the corner. "What is it, now?" "Is that your box?" Buffy asked motioning for the little boy sitting almost hidden partly behind the couch. "Nope, it was Spike's. He'd forgotten his stuff in the basement, thought he'd like to have it so took it along. When it was sure he wouldn't need it anymore I took it, thought you'd like to have it or something." Buffy felt tears threaten to spill.
 
"Thanks, Dawnie. You know what's in it?" "Nope.Didn't think he'd appreciate me snooping through his thingy." Buffy nodded and Dawn was gone upstairs again. Buffy took the box and sat down on the couch, slowly opening it, dreading what she'd find. There were different books, papers and photos. On the bottom she found a little box. At first Buffy looked at the books. There were some of Shakespeare and other poetry. Then there were what looked like journals. She pulled them all out dusting them off and laying them on the couch. She took one of the journals and looked through it. It was from the early twentieth century. There were some poems, awful poems but sweet nontheless. She'd have suspected him to write down how many people he'd killed every day or what he and Dru had done, but she found nothing like that. He'd written about his feelings and only sometimes he wrote about fights. There was an entry about how he'd killed his first Slayer and that he'd hoped that him killing this girl would make drusilla love him as much as he loved her.
Buffy laid the book away tears rolling down her cheek. There were some newer one's as well, she wanted to read them all, wanted to learn more about him, about his whole life. She looked through the newest one and at the last entry. 'The last few days have been the best of my life. Even if I'm going to die today I'll die a happy man. The night with Buffy was the first I've ever been close to someone. Drusilla never let me get too close, she was a loony. I took care of her for such a long time and never had a place in her heart, but it was okay at the time. She didn't have a heart to let me into.  With Buffy it's different, now. Last year she used me but this night she just wanted to comfort, wanted me to hold her. That was the greatest gift I could have ever gotten. For my Slayer to need me, even a little bit and for her to let herself need me.
If we shouldn't win I'll go down knowing that this beautiful, strong person saw something else in me than a monster.'
 
Bye the time Buffy was finished reading she was sobbing. It took some time until she was able to pull herself together enough to continue looking though the box.She took out the small box and opened it. Inside was the skull rind he'd given her when they'd been under Willow's spell. She smiled at the memory of him proposing to her.
'Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth.'
'Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes!'
 
Buffy took the ring and tried it on her finger. It was much too big, so she took of her necklace and refastened it with the ring dangling from it. She wanted to keep it close.
 
It was just so...Spike. She went into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water.
When she got back into the living room she took the papers and photos aout of the box. The papers were mostly more poems but the pictures were something she hadn't expected.
There were of course lots with Dru and some with Angelus and Darla as well, but there were also older ones. Of a little boy with brown hair and sparkling eyes. Buffy assumed they must be of him as a little boy. There were also some of him with a little girl and some with his mother. On the backside of some he'd written the year and she found  one of him holding a baby. The backside told her it was his little sister. He looked totally like the proud Big Brother. Then there were photos of her and some of the scoobies. Even some of her mother. But one photo captured her attention the most. It was of him and her. Must have been taken on her Birthday when they couldn't get out. They were sitting in the living room talking and smiling at each other. She didn#t know this photo existed. Willow must've made it and given to him. they both looked happy at this moment. She was going to get a frame for this one. It was the only one of the two of them she knew of. Again tears made their way to her eyes.
 
At first she didn't hear the phone ring until Dawn yelled that she'd get it. After some time, her younger sister came into the living room looking like she'd just seen a ghost. "It's Willow. Fred called her. He's alive, Buffy. Spike is back."
 
 
~The End~
 
Comments: Okay, who was reminded of Carpe Noctem in the end?!
I dedicate this story to Kristine who has gotten her drivers license this week.
Again not beta read, but will be soon.