Date:                10 September 2003

Title:                 Open all night

Author:            Das_Jessy

Archive:            Yep, but ask please.

Summary:            Oi! Well, Spike's feelings. Yes again.  

Rating:              PG-13

Category:            Spike- POV

Disclaimer:            I dare you to tell me they are not mine.

                        Songs by Bon Jovi, who is mine as well, so... *evil grin*

Spoilers:            Mid- Fool for love, Spike's thoughts during his walk to her house                                                   intending to kill her and everything until then.

Feedback:            jessy_84@t-online.de

Author's note:            Yeah, another songfic. I'm starting to get annoying, I know.

                        My other stories you can find at www.spiritofsunnydale.de.vu

Open All Night by Das Jessy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw you coming from a mile away
Trying to hide behind that pretty face
Bet my last dollar baby you been bruised
Poor little heart all black 'n' blue

The night I first saw her, the Slayer, I'll never forget that night. Her dancing in the Bronze, with her friends. So young, so innocent. She had something about here back then. Before everything started to fall into pieces around her. I told myself I would kill her that very week, but I knew right away, that this Slayer was different. The fact that she had friends, bonds to this world. But I swore to myself that I'd be there if those bonds should ever get destroyed, that I'd be the one to have himself his One Good Day, to be there when her Death Wish appeared, that I'd have myself another Slayer.

After the thing with Angelus it started. She started to develope this wish. When I came to Sunnyhell or the Gem of Amara I saw that she was broken that it was just a matter of time until I'd get her. And tonight, tonight she just let me know how far gone she really was. Had almost gotten herself killed by a fledgling needed to be saved by Captain Cardboard. I know she doesn't love that git. She didn't love any man after the Great Poof. He broke her hard and with that made sure that she'd die in a fight.

Last thing you need's another pickup line
You must have heard them all a thousand times
God only knows what you been through
Believe me I've been broken too

When she came to me tonight I felt sorry for her and for that I hated her even more. I hate her for making me care, for loving her, for giving a fuck about what she's been through and for wanting to take all that away from her.

I understand her in some way. Everything I've been through made me what I am, too.  At first a vampire, when Cecily told me I was beneath her and Drusilla made me what I am today. Dead, broken- hearted and she's even responsible for the chip in some way. When the Slayer told me I was benath her, tonight I wanted her dead wanted her dead for making me want her even when she pushed me away in the worst way possible, with the exact smae words that once cost me my life.

It aches, it breaks, it takes your breath away
I've been around that block a time or two

It hurts me so much to be in love with another woman that doesn't love me, that hates me. It's always the same with me and the woman.

Baby, I don't want to fall in love with you

She's the fucking Vampire Slayer. I am a Vampire. I'm supposed to want to kill her not love her.

I try, try, try but I can't get around the truth

I tried so hard not to love her, but even the stars knew. I gave up my queen to come back to this hellhole to be near her.

Please don't say my name, give this heart a break
I don't want to make the same mistake but it's too late

First Cecily then Drusilla all woman who never really loved me and I fell for them and it happened a third time with her, buffy. I tried not to with all my being but it was already too late. It was too late the moment I saw her.

That is why I'm gonna kill her tonight. Always wanted to fight her, in a fail fight but this'll have to do. I can't let her get to me like that, like tonight. 'You are benath me'

I'll end the sorry existance of that Bitch tonight, and then I'll be free. I round the corner to her backyard and cock the gun. That's when I see her. My Slayer, my Buffy, looking up at me with red eyes and tears running down her face.

"What do you want now?" She asks and that's the moment all my rage is gone. There sitting before me is a little girl, a woman in so much pain.

I'll leave on the light
These arms are open all night

Even knowing she'd never let me in this moment I just wanna hold her.

"What's wrong?" I ask her. "I don't want to talk about it." She answers and she's so lost.

I lower the gun knowing very well that I'm not gonna kill her. Not today not ever.

I sit down next to her. Pulling her in my arms isn't an option so I pat her back and we sit together in quiet.

I got your taste in the back of my mouth
I want to reach in and pull it out

Sitting next to her, I think about what we experienced together.

'I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.' There was a time when I had her. Even if it was just a spell. I want so much to forget all this, to be able to hate her, to be able to be free. But here I am sitting next to her at loss for what to do.

And I'd be lying if I didn't say
When you're this close I'm afraid

She's sitting mere inches away from me but there's a world between us. We could never be together and it scares me more than anything that in this moment I want to try it nevertheless.

Of the way I'll feel if I touch your hair
The way I'll miss you when you're not there
And that I'll see you when I close my eyes
It's too late, I've crossed that line

All this time hoping not to fall for her, I've already had fallen. Just patting her back ocassionaly running my fingers through her hair and everything seems different, warmer.

It aches, it breaks, it takes your breath away
I'll still be around come closing time

Where is her 'boyfriend' when she's falling apart like that? Why does she have to turn to her enemy, to me for comfort? It just isn't right that this beautiful woman has to suffer and I swear to myself that I'll be there for here even if she doesn't want me.

Baby, I don't want to fall in love with you
I try, try, try but I can only tell the truth
Please don't say my name, give this heart a break
I don't want to make the same mistakes but it's too late
I'll leave on the light
These arms are open all night


It's 2 am, it's last call, baby.

The barkeep's gone, I'll walk you home now
Save me, baby

Baby, I don't want to fall in love with you
I try, try, try but I can't get around the truth
Please don't make me beg, give this heart a break
I don't want to make the same mistakes but it's too late
I'll leave on the light

After some more time she starts sobbing for real and I pull her in my arms where she comes willingly.

I try to sooth her but she just keeps crying and I'm there and let her. Not judging.

These arms are open all night

Comments: That sucks.

I dedicate this to Claudia, who gave me the Bon jovi CD and therefore is responsible for this, and to Nina who deserves to have every story dedicated to her just for being herself.

(also dir gewidmet oh arschloch der nation *ggg*)