Just...living by Das
Jessy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I asked him to move in. I really asked him to
move in. I can't believe it myself, I asked the evil, disgusting, worthless
bloodsucking fiend in. Well, the fiend, that's not so evil, disgusting,
worthless and bloodsucking anymore. More the sweet, considerate, loving and sexy
boyfriend. Did I just think that? Who would have thought I'd ever think
something like that, and about Spike. Anyways, he's moving in and I'm annoying
everybody because I'm so madly happy about it. We've been a couple again for
three weeks. I know, it was kinda fast to ask him to live with me, but well,
nothing about us is normal and we can't be sure that one of us won't be gone
tomorrow. So he's going to live with us. I wasn't actually jumping right now,
was I?! Don't think so. Better take a look around if somebody might've seen me.
Nope, doesn't seem so. I look at my watch for the umpteenth time. He said he
just wanted to pick up one more box from Xander's and I needn't to come up with
him. That was about fifteen minutes ago, and still no Spike in sight. That
better be a very big box. There have actually been a lot of very big boxes he's
brought over to my house. Didn't know he had that much stuff after I'd blown up
his crypt, even before. Well, he's got some more clothes now, not only one black,
one red and one blue shirt and one pair of leather pants. He actually seems to
have some taste, but shh...don't tell him, it might get to his head. Ok that's
it, I'm going up there. Oh,someone's yelling
-Xander. Ok, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it, I press my ear
against the door. Oh, bad little slayer. "I don't know what's gotten into
Buffy, but I surely don't trust you, Spike, and if you really were all that good
and un-evil as you say you are, you would leave her alone. Leave town or even
better the country and let her get a normal boyfriend." "Well, that
worked well the last time, didn't it?!" "The last time with a vampire
didn't work any better." "I am not bloody Peaches, Harris. I won't
leave her and I can't lose my soul. If I could, my soul would have already been
gone because I'm already perfectly happy."
"Look Spike, even you have to see that this isn't going to work, one
day you'll become all evil or crazy on her again." "Crazy, I don't
know. After all, I have to deal with everything I did, but I'm getting better
and am trying to cope. Evil? That I can promise. You just don't get it, do you?
I wasn't evil anymore even before I got the soul." "No, trying to rape
the woman you suppose to love isn't evil then." "I am so bloody sorry
about that, I'm more sorry about what I did to her than about anything else I've
ever done. I didn't love the people I killed and I've never killed for pleasure,
like the Poof, but I'll never forget or get over the thing with Buffy. I'll
think about that until I'm dust." "Oh, come on, Spike. What about the
slayers. You did kill them for
pleasure and Buffy happens to be a slayer." "Now that. The first one,
back then in Asia I killed because I finally wanted a little respect from Dru.
The second, well, it was the thrill of the fight, I am sorry about that, why do
you think can't I wear the duster again?" "You don't think I believe
you, do you?! You've even been all bad and grr, when you were still alive."
"Ha! Says who?" "Well, William the bloody and all, that nickname
is from before you were turned,
isn't it?!" "You really want to know why they called me that, you
really do?!" "I think I've already got an idea."
"I don't think you have." "Well, try me." "You
really sure? Well, here we go. I was a poet and I was so bloody awful that they
called me William the Bloody. You get it?! Could have been William the bloody
ponce, as well. I was ridiculous. Always running around writing bad poetry and
being in love with that girl. You know I told her I loved her and she said I
wasn't good enough. Do you wanna know what happened then? I went out, I just
wanted to get away from her and those people who made fun of me. I went out and
met Dru. It was the night she turned me. I was an excuse for a man, I was...- I
don't have a bloody word for what I was. Wrinting poetry and all, I died as a
bloody virgin, ya know?! But you know what?! Ever since I've met Buffy I want to
write poetry again and worship the ground she's walking on. Do you think I'd
ever risk losing her now that she finally allowed me in?!" There is silence
now and I can't keep myself together any longer. I sit down on the floor in
front of Xander's appartment and just start crying. I don't even hear the door
open I first notice it as Spike kneels down next to me and takes me into his
arms. "What's the matter, Luv?! What's all the crying about?" "I've
heard you, you and Xander. I've heard everything you've said. Is all that true?"
"Yes, yes it is, Pet." Spike, writing poetry and reading it to some
woman. " Hey, what's so funny, Buffy?" "You writing poetry."
"Hey don't be mean." "I am not, I just can't picture the evil
vampire writing poetry. Do you still have some poems?" "Yes...why?!"
"May I read them perhaps?!" "Not bloody likely, but we'll see."
I look past him and give Xander a dirty look, who has watched us the whole time.
Spike helps me getting up and I'm taking a step into Xander's direction.
"Xander, you are one of my best friends, but keep your nose out of my life.
Nobody said anything as you were with Anya." "That's not the same.",
he argues. "Oh no, it is the same. And you're going to leave Spike alone. I
can deal with him myself, I'm over the rape thing, so get over it, too. Or at
least leave us alone. Look, I don't wanna lose you, so don't make me choose
between the two of you, but if you ever did, be aware that you'd lose." I
don't wait for an answer, just turn around. "Ready to go, Spike?!"
"Yeah." He picks up a box and closes the door behind us.
Back home, we start unpacking Spike's stuff in
silence, which gives me some time to think. I'd really leave Xander behind for
Spike, for my former enemy. I hope Xander will be able to deal with it, I really
wouldn't like to break up our friendship. I'm just glad Willow is alright with
it. She's even starting to make friends with him. I saw them talking during
breakfast and watching TV together and arguing about the programme. Dawn is back
to normal with Spike. For the first days she treated him sorta funny, but now
they are friends again, talking actually talking and hanging around together. I
called Giles after two weeks ago. He wasn't happy about it, but didn't seem to
offended, he wasn't even surprised. Anya knew it right from the beginning and I
wouldn't count her as a good friend of mine but she's getting along with Spike,
even gave him a job at the Magic Box. I think she just wants to have her
personal bodyguard to save her from D'Hoffryn's attacks. But he's making some
money and that's just fine with me and he knows a great deal about magic and
that stuff so he really might be a help to Anya. Then there is, of course,
Angel. He doesn't know about me and Spike. I told Cordelia and that's how I know
about Connor and Darla, that and besides the fact that the whole demon world is
talking about it. And that he hasn't told me anything, doesn't mean that I am
going to do the same thing. And I want him to know, I want the whole world to
know. And I have to call him anyway. Wanna know if he knows anything about
what's coming. There haven't been any
more dreams, but this feeling's still there, and we just don't have a clue what
it means. The phone is ringing. "Summers' residence.", Spike answers
it. "Who?" "Yes, she's here." "Wait a minute." he
puts a hand over the phone, so whoever is at the other end of the line won't
hear anything. "It's that agent, the woman, she wants to talk to you."
"What about?", I whisper. "Dunno, Luv. Said she wanted to talk to
you and that it was important." I take the phone from him and put it on
speakers phone so he will be able to listen. "Buffy Summer's here."
<<Miss Summers?! It's Agent Scully, you ehm, gave me your number and told
me to call if we ever needed help.>> "Yes. What do you want to talk
to me about?" <<Look, maybe this'll sound funny. But my partner Agent
Mulder and I followed a suspect and after we shot him, he said something and
just vanished. Mulder thinks it was a demon or something like that, but I have a
hard time dealing with the vampire stuff and don't really believe such things.>>
"I wouldn't, either. But you're partner's probably right. What did it look
like?!" << It looked normal, not like the vampires or something with
yellow eyes and stuff, just normal.>> "Could be a demon nevertheless,
with the vanishing and all." "You said he told you something." ,
Spike throws in. <<You're the guy who picked up the phone, aren't you?>>
"Yeah, you're on speakers phone. It's Spike by the way." <<Oh...well,
the things the guy said.>>"Let me guess," Spike interrupts.
" 'From beneath you it devours.' " <<How did you know?>>
"Well, lucky guess I think." <<What is it supposed to mean?>>
"We don't have a bloody clue." "Agent Scully, I don't know what
you've seen during you're work at those X-Files, but look, we're living at the
hellmouth here and we've had to deal with more apocalypses than I want to count,
so this may sound funny to you. There's something coming, something big."
<<Something big?>> "Agent Mulder?" I ask. <<Well,
we've got a speakers phone, too.>>"Yeah, something big.", Spike
goes on. "There's something going on. I, we can feel it." <<You
can feel what?", Agent Scully wants to know. "Well, me being a vampire
and all -by the way, you figured that much, didn't you?!- and Buffy being the
slayer we feel it. We just do." <<And what do you feel?>>
"That's the point. We don't know what it means, we just know it could get
ugly.", I tell them. "You know, the demons talk and even they are
afraid, everybody has a certain amount of respect for what's comin'." Spike
explains. <<We've seen quite a lot, aliens, mutants -with things like that
we can deal with but we don't understand a lot about this stuff here. Is there
anything we can do?" <<Agent Mulder, that's my job, I was born to do
this. There's a lot of nothing you can do. I'm not even sure that I can do
anything, but until now we've always won, I just hope this won't change."
"And I don't think the bloody government can do anything." Agent
Scully answers, "We may work for the government but you can trust us, we
don't work the normal way. So if we can do anything...>> "I'm afraid
you can't. But thanks that you let me know, I really appreciate that, and if
there'll be anything else, please call again, or if you need help with something."
<<Thanks and you're welcome and if you ever need help call us, even if you
only need a parkingticket erased.>> "Yes, I'll let you know.
Bye." "Bye" Spike mumbles. The agents say their byes, too, and
hang up. "So much for our quiet evening, Luv." "That worked well,
didn't it? Spike, I have to make a phone call, I have to know if there are more
incidents like that, maybe you can go on unpacking or something like that."
He looks into my eyes and kisses me quickly. "Tell Peaches 'hello'." I
take his hand and give it a quick squeeze before I stand up and leave him in my
room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I knew she had to talk to him one day. But why
today, why not tomorrow or next week or the next century?! She went down 47
minutes ago and is still on the phone. Vampire hearing and all. I can't hear
what she's saying, just that she's saying something. Sometimes she's getting
pretty loud. "Hey Spike, need help?!" I look up to find Dawn standing
in the door, grinning down at me sitting in the mess I've made by unpacking
everything but without having a damn clue where to put it. "Of course,
thanks, Bit." "You're welcome." She starts sorting through some
of my clothes and begins to put them into Buffy's closet. "Who is big sis'
talking, too? She just asked me to leave her alone for a little while as I came
home." I stare at her, not knowing what to tell her. "Come on Spike,
what happened, spill." I sigh and decide to tell her, she isn't a child
anymore and knows more than she lets on, anyway. "You know those dreams
your sister was having?" "About the girls? Yeah I do." I take a
deep breath and..."Where shall I put these?", she asks holding up some
boxers. I'd blush if I could. "Just give them to me." I say and put
them into the next best drawer. She's grinning like crazy, then gets serious
again. "What about those dreams?" "Well, those agents, ya know,
who were hear some weeks ago.",she nods."They called. They had to kill
a suspect and he said the same thing the girls said, before he...vanished."
"From beneath you it devours.", Dawn says. "Still don't know,
what that means?" I shake my head 'no' and she goes on. "That doesn't
answer who Buffy's talking to." I look around the room not wanting to talk
about the Great Poof. Dawn's actually a great help, the rooms only looks half as
bad now. "Spike? Still in there?", she waves a hand in front of my
face. "Huh? Yes." "So?" "So what?" "Eew
Spike! Who is Buffy talking to?" "Peaches.", I say. "She's
talking to Angel? That's, I mean...why?", she really looks shocked, I love
the girl. "That I'm asking myself, too.", I mumble. She hasn't heard
me, I think. "Well, Luv, she wants to know, if he knows anything."
"She isn't going to,...to tell him about you, is she?! The two of you, that
is." "She is. She wanted to call him anyway, this was just a good
opportunity." She looks afraid. "What is it, Nibblet?!" She sits
down on Buffy's bed. I go over to her and sit down next to her. She leans into
me a bit. "Dawn? What's up?" "He is so going to stake you."
At that I chuckle. "Spike, this isn't funny.", she yells. "Angel,
is sorta crazy if it comes to Buffy, and he hates you." "Keep cool,
Lil' Bit. I'm perfectly capable of defending myself and Buffy won't let him get
me, either." She's all pale and doesn't look convinced. "Look, Dawn,
he won't do anything, he had lots and lots of opportunities to kill me."
"But you've never been with his ex-girlfriend." "And I never had
a soul, either. He is the one who is supposed to understand what I'm going
through and he won't kill me, I'm a good guy now, too." She smiles a little.
"Well, you sleep, don't you?! You vampires?" "We've had this
topic already, Pet. You know I do. You even woke me up yesterday morning, ya
remember?! Were looking for your bloody earrings. " She's grinning like the
Chesire cat, "Well, then he does sleep, too. And if he hurts you, he is so
going to pay for it." "That's very nice of you, Bit, but I don't think
it will come to it." She gives me a hug and goes on putting my things away.
I'm quite stunned, this was the first time she hugged me, since I've gotten
back, and I can't help but smile. "Hey guys." Whoa, who did she come
from?! "Bloody hell, Red. Want to give me a heart attack?" "That's
not very likely, now, is it?! With your heart not even beating and all."
"Very funny. No need to shock me like this." Red's grinning devilishly
and Dawn is laughin' her ass off. "You two think, that's funny?!" They
both nod and burst out laughing. "The look on your face, you looked really
panicked.", Dawn giggles. I look at them rather puzzled and then throw a
pillow at each of them. They both look stunned and now
I am grinning. "Now, that was funny." I let myself fall back on
the bed and stare at the ceilling, being quite satisfied with myself. I see them
share a look and immediately know, that I'm in trouble. "You are so going
to pay for that", the witch says and soon there are pillows being thrown at
me. "Hey, it's two against one, that's not fair." "The Big Bad
loses a pillow fight against two girls, oh, he's such a poor vampire.",
Dawn screeches. I'm totally defenceless, really poor me. They only stop as Buffy
appears in the doorway and clears her throat. We stop all of a sudden. Buffy's
been crying, I can tell. "Ehm, Dawn, isn't there something you wanted to
show me?!" Willow asks. "Well yes." "You can stay.",
Buffy says, "this is your business, too." Willow looks from Buffy to
me and back o Buffy again. "Does anybody care to tell me what's going
on?" Buffy gives her a brief
summary then becomes all quiet.
"What did he say, Luv?!" "He doesn't know any more than we do.
He's going to come here next week. The others are comin', too. I tried to talk
him out of it, but he says he can feel that whatever is coming is near and that
we need every help we can get. Asked me to call the agents, too. Says it won't
hurt to have the FBI on our side, could help us getting informations."
Buffy comes over to the bed and I embrace her. Willow and Dawn sit down on the
floor in front of us. Willow's the one to ask the question we all know has to
asked. "What did he say, about you, you and Spike." "He flipped,
he went totally out of his mind. Demanded to know what has gotten into me. Told
him, I just fell in love. He said I was crazy to think Spike would ever change
and that he was evil and always would be. He didn't know about the soul. I told
him and he said it wouldn't change things at all. There was a lot of yelling. I
asked him why it was different than him getting his soul back. He said it wasn't
the same. I told him he was right. That Spike got himself a soul and that he had changed before. Angelus is a
totally different person, Spike isn't. He already hadn't been all 'grr' anymore
before." "What did he say, was he going to do?!" Dawn asks, but
I've got a pretty good idea what the answer'll be. "He said I should break
up. Reminded me of what Spike did to me what he did to him. I told him he wasn't
any better when he was Angelus. He got defensive and said he was going to stake
Spike because I wasn't thinking clear. There was some more screaming and I
threatened him that he wouldn't survive it if he did that. Told him he should be
the one to understand Spike, and what he's going through. We agreed that he
didn't have to approve of our relationship but that he would leave Spike alone
and be civilized when he got here. Then we talked about Connor and there was
screaming again because he hadn't told me." I am a little relieved, so he
will leave me alone. Dawn's eyes are sparkling as she says, "I'll hurt him
really bad if he doesn't keep his word." Buffy just nods, she knows she
could never change Dawn's mind and I think she doesn't even want to. "So
you gonna call these FBIs?" She looks up. "Yeah yeah. Will do that.
Would you hand me the phone, please?" "Now Buffy? It's past midnight.",
Willow says. "Well yeah, now." She takes the phone, pulls out a note
from her desk, and starts to deal the numbers and waits. She's got the phone on
speakers phone again so we can listen. <<Yeah, hello?!>> "Agent
Mulder?" <<Yes, who's there?>> "Ehm it's Buffy. I thought
this was Agent Scully's number." <<Oh Buffy, yes it is, but you
know...Wait, I'll get her.>> He must be putting his hand over the mouth
piece because we hear the next words very muffled. <<'Dana, Dana, wake
up.' 'What? What's up?!' 'There's Buffy at the phone, wants to talk to us.' 'I,
I'm awake.'>> << Buffy? Still there?>> "Yeah, look, I'm
sorry to call at this time but, we've got some new informations and we really
could need every help we can get. You told me to call and that's what I'm doing,
now." <<It's allright.>> Agent Scully says. <<So?>>
"Well, it's near. We still don't know what it is, but it'll come soon."
<<What can we do?!>> "You'd have to come here, if that's
possible." <<It is. When?>> "As soon as you can. Next week
maybe?" <<Well, it's Friday, so what about Monday or Tuesday?>>
"That'd be great. Thanks." << You're very welcome. Good night.>>
With that the line's dead. "We need to call Xander.", Willow throws
in. "She's right, Luv. And you've got to call Rupes, too. He needs to know
even if he can't come here." "I'll do that, tomorrow. We also need to
see what we can find in the books." "Buffy, we've looked into
everything, and we have found nothing." "Then we have to look again.
We have no other choice. There has to be something. Spike, you and me are going
to talk to some demons tomorrow, look if anybody knows something." "Alright,
Pet." Buffy turns to Dawn. "Dawn, I don't know how bad it'll be but
maybe you'll have to fight, too. Are you up to that?" "You're really
going to let me help?!" "I think I have no choice." It's late and
Buffy's tired, I can tell. "Well, Red, Nibblet. It's bedtime, I think. We
don't know when it's coming, but it could be weeks and we should sleep as long
as we can." "I think he's throwing us out, Will." "Yeah
Dawn, I get this feeling, too." They both smile, then walk to the door and
say ,g ood night before they leave. Buffy pulls back the covers of her bed,
changes into her pyjamas and crawls in. I change, too, and get in next to her,
pulling her close. "We'll win, Luv. You'll see." "I certainly
hope so. Everything's going so well at the moment and I don't wanna lose all
this. I don't know why, but it's just so great now. You and me, the scoobies,
even the thing with Xander can't destroy that." "You know what they
call this?!" "What do you mean?" "It's something you lost
and didn't get back until now. It's just...living. It's life. And you're just
realising again, that living alone is something you should value, something to
love."
~The End~