By Shalee
Day 174
Kathryn Janeway stalked
into her shelter muttering under her breath. "Damned… Infiltrating…
Insufferable – argh!" she growled, giving the door a kick to close it. She
continued her tirade, unaware that the door didn't latch and had bounced back
open a couple of inches. "He thinks he can run my life. Well, I don't take
orders from anyone. How dare he tell
me what I should do and how to act." With a low snarl, Kathryn picked up
the nearest breakable object, a vase, spun around and hurled it. A low whistle
accompanied the shattering impact on the wall near the door. Kathryn let out a
gasp as she saw Tom Paris standing in the doorway.
"Whoa! When did the
war break out?" he quipped as he took a step into the room.
"Tom… what are you
doing here?" Kathryn demanded as she pushed her hair back and glared at
him. Or at least she tried. To Paris, she looked ready to break into tears, and
that shocked him the most.
"Hey, I'm sorry. I
just wanted to make sure you're okay. I heard part of what Chakotay said."
"You heard… everyone in the dining room heard,"
Kathryn groaned as she dropped onto her bed. "God, it all seems so stupid
now."
"It usually
does," Paris commented as he pulled up a chair to sit opposite her.
"When the fight is over and you realize what you actually said..."
"I just didn't
expect him to say he was leaving. I mean, he's been spending all this time with
Tuvok; I've barely had a chance to see him lately. Then whenever I do, he says
he's going to the lake, presumably to check on Neelix. I feel as if I've been
left out of something important, even though I'm sure it involves me too. Yet
I’m supposed to ‘understand’."
Kathryn glanced up at Tom and shook her head. "I thought that after
we decided to pursue a relationship, things would be easier."
"Oh come on,
Kathryn; that's wishful thinking and you know it. Truly good relationships,
romantic or otherwise, are never smooth. That's what makes them strong and
worth fighting for," Paris admonished gently as he reached across to take
her hands in his. "Look at B'Elanna and me, especially this last five
months. You try living with a
pregnant Klingon! But let me tell you, even after all the battles, we wouldn't
change a thing."
Kathryn's lips quirked
into a slight smile as she squeezed his hands, "Tell me, Tom Paris, when
did you become such a wise man?"
"It weren't nothing,
ma'am. Just following in the footsteps of a beautiful and wise woman, hoping
that she'll take some of her own advice," Paris said pointedly and
sincerely. "Besides, you and I have been through a lot together. It seems right
to look for counsel in each other.
Kathryn stared at him for
a moment a bit startled of what she saw in his eyes, a look coupled with
respect and adoration. She pondered his words for a moment. Yes, they had been
through a lot. Much of it had been hashed over many a time but one thing stood
out as unresolved. Kathryn gently pulled her hands from his and stood up.
Walking the short distance to the window, she peered outside without really
seeing anything.
Tom watched her movements
silently. Knowing where her thoughts were, he waited for her to broach the
subject. Kathryn hugged herself tightly as her mind followed shadowy corridors
that perhaps were best left untrod.
"Do you ever think
about them?" She whispered suddenly.
"Sometimes. More so
the last few months with B'Elanna being pregnant. Sometimes, I hate Chakotay
for leaving them; other times I understand his reasoning."
"I know. Do you
think they remember us?"
"I doubt it. But…
"
"But you hope that
maybe just a little inkling of us
remains with them."
"Yeah… " Tom
sighed pushing his fingers through his hair. He rose to stand just behind her.
Both stared at nothingness for long moments.
"Sometimes, I
wonder… " Kathryn spoke softly. Tom had to strain to hear her, only to
gently urge her on.
"What?"
"If I would have
been a good mother."
"Hey… " Tom
empathized as he embraced her from behind, laying his hands atop her folded
arms. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he spoke tenderly but firmly.
"What do you think you've been doing for the past five years? You're more
than just this crew's captain. A great mother, absolutely, as well as a sister,
a daughter and a friend. And yes, perhaps even a lover, though platonic in most
all cases. Your caring and compassion forged a family from a group of misfits
and malcontents. But," he said turning her to face him his hands resting
lightly on her shoulder, "to me, you will always have a special place in
my heart as the mother of my first born children. Nothing can sever that bond
between us.”
"Sometimes, I wish…
" Kathryn spoke softly slowly raising her gaze to meet his. Tom was again
little taken aback by what he saw. In truth, it scared him. He had never seen
Kathryn Janeway cry – not really. Under duress, she had always been tough as
nails. She even seemed to thrive on hard decisions. But then again, this hadn't
been her choice. Chakotay had made this decision for both them. Silently, Tom
gathered the suddenly fragile woman against him and together they wept for lost
children.
After a while, they
pulled back from each other. Kathryn kept her eyes downcast, until Paris gently
placed a finger under her to make her look at him. "Kathryn, what could
have been is past. We both know it wasn't entirely out of our hands to leave
our children behind; we could have done something. You could have ordered Voyager back to the planet. But you
didn't and I didn't ask you too."
Kathryn said nothing but
nodded knowingly. Paris continued as he gathered her again to his chest. Her
head resting against his shoulder, Tom tenderly stroked her hair as he spoke.
"I mean, really, what kind of life would three little lizards have had on
a starship? They're safe and where they belong. And we… well, we're right where
we need to be and life goes on. I have B'Elanna and you have Chakotay. Our bond
has evolved. We're like a family… a
brother to sister and I'm happy with that. How about you?"
"I think--"
Kathryn began as she pushed back and looked at him. "I can live with
that." A small but mischievous smile quirked her lips. "Little
brother, that has a nice ring to it."
"Hey… " Paris
pouted then smiled back at her, "you know, Sis, this could be really
fun."
"I know. I'm looking
forward to the reactions we're going to get," Kathryn said as she grasped
Tom's hand and together they walked to the door. "Tom, thank you."
"No, thank you." Paris hesitated for a moment
then leaned in quickly. Kathryn gasped as his lips touched hers for just a
second. When she opened her eyes, he was again looking at her. "Just had
to try it just once." He winked at her and was out the door, leaving
Kathryn chuckling softly to herself.
~*~
Day 175
The sun was curving to
the high point of midday when a familiar form entered the outskirts of New
Hope. The prodigal son had returned from his self-imposed exile. Once he was
spotted, a shout carried quickly through the village. The first to greet the
traveler was the youngest of them all. Her exuberance mirrored her elders own.
"Neelix, you're
home!" Naomi Wildman shouted with glee as she threw herself into
outstretched arms.
"Naomi, my dearest.
Oh, how I've missed you," the Talaxian murmured as he hugged the child
tightly against him.
"I missed you,
too," Naomi answered solemnly as she brushed her face against his
whiskers. "Please don't go away again."
"Never; I
promise," Neelix proclaimed, squeezing the girl even tighter. The
emotional reunion was broken then by a gentle voice.
"We all missed you,
Neelix. Eight weeks is a long time to be alone,” Kathryn Janeway said placing a
gentle hand on the rotund man's shoulder.
"I know; thank you,
Captain… " the Talaxian said as he set Naomi on her feet.
Kathryn wagged a finger
at him, "It's Kathryn, remember." Neelix nodded with a weak smile.
Sensing the man needed something more, Kathryn impulsively hugged him.
"Welcome home, old friend," she whispered in his ear.
Neelix was startled by
his former captain's display but appreciated it nonetheless. He was glad to be
back among friends. He found himself genuinely smiling as he returned the hug.
"It's good to be home… Kathryn."
The auburn-haired woman
smiled gently as she stepped back to allow others to greet their wayward morale
officer. Slowly everyone wandered away, leaving only Neelix and Naomi standing
with Kathryn in the increasingly chilly air. With an unspoken agreement, the
threesome headed for the central meeting hall.
"Kathryn,"
Neelix said reaching into his jacket as they neared their destination. He
pulled out an envelope and handed it to the former captain of Voyager.
"What is it?"
Kathryn inquired taking the envelope.
"Chakotay asked that
I give it to you."
"Then he's not
coming back today," Kathryn said quietly, sounding a bit disappointed.
"He said the letter
would explain and he hopes you'll understand."
Kathryn nodded absently
turning the letter over in her hands; she looked from Neelix to Naomi not sure
what she should do. Neelix picked up on this subtle gesture and saved her the
trouble of asking.
"I'd like to spend
some time with Naomi. She can stay with Seven for a couple of nights and be
with me during the day. We need to work out an arrangement everyone is
comfortable with in the long term."
Kathryn looked at Neelix
with surprise then slowly nodded. " Thank you, Neelix." She bent down
and scooped up Naomi giving the little girl a tight hug. "Be good, Sprout.
I love you."
"I love you, too,
Aunt Kathryn. Have fun with Uncle Kotay and come home soon." Naomi
exclaimed giving Kathryn a smack on the cheek and then waggling out of her
arms, only to quickly latch back onto Neelix.
Kathryn smiled at the
child and clasped the Talaxian's shoulder fondly before heading for her own
shelter. The letter was like fire in her hand as she hurried through the
village. She was almost home free when a voice stopped her dead in her tracks.
“Captain, might I have a
word with you?"
Kathryn sighed as she
turned slowly to face the bland face of her former security chief.
"Of course, Tuvok;
what can I do for you?"
"Perhaps this is
something better discussed behind closed doors. If you don't mind?" the
stolid Vulcan suggested politely, yet firmly.
Kathryn arched an eyebrow
at him before ushering him inside with a sweeping gesture of her hand,
"After you, old friend."
Once inside, Tuvok stood
before his former captain, seemingly at attention with his hands clasped
tightly behind his back. Kathryn was both concerned and intrigued by the
Vulcan's manner. The silence between them lengthened until she could stand it
no longer.
"Tuvok, what is
it?"
"Captain… Kathryn,
I… " He stopped as that carefully maintained emotionless facade dropped
for a split second. Kathryn took a step backward as if shocked by what was
revealed. The letter from Chakotay slipped from suddenly nerveless fingers and
drifted like a feather toward the floor.
Neither of them moved
until finally Kathryn gathered herself together enough to speak. "Tuvok,
why now?"
The Vulcan looked
momentarily confused, only to quickly realize what she must have seen in his
face during his brief loss of control.
"Kathryn, I
apologize; it was not my intention to… "
"No," Kathryn
shook her head. "No, don't try to deny it; I know what I saw. Tell me why;
how?"
Tuvok turned away from
her and walked several paces to the small window of the shelter. Steeping his
fingers, he took a moment to coalesce his thought processes. Slowly he turned
back to face his former commanding officer.
"Please understand
that had we remained on Voyager, I
would have kept what I am about to say to myself… and rightly so. However, in
light of the growing relationship between Mr. Chakotay and yourself, I must be
truthful."
"Tuvok, you're
scaring me."
"Again… that is not
my intention, Kathryn. I apologize."
"No, that's not
necessary. It's just I've never seen you like this. In the almost nine years
we've known each other, I have never felt anything but respect and a certain
fondness. Yet… " Kathryn paused as she blue eyes connected with black
ones. "I must admit, there has been an attraction. Not romantic, but
something deeper than just friendship."
"Yes, that is
exactly it. I am without words to express the emotion." Tuvok caught the
mock look of shock on his companion's face. "Yes, I am familiar with
emotion. I was not always a student of the Kolinahr; I once was young and
idealistic. Once, before I bonded with T'Pel, I fell in love and even reveled
in it. However, logic prevailed and I found balance. To have emotions is not to
bane logic, it is the inability to control them. To be controlled by the
irrational goes against what, for me, is natural."
"I'm not sure what
you're getting at," Kathryn returned, her tone edged with a bit of anger.
"I believe you
are," Tuvok incited calmly as he stared his former commanding officer
down. "I have often seen how you go against your nature… how you hide
behind the calm mask of logic, denying the emotion that is your due. As a
human, and to quote the Doctor, this is not healthy."
"But sometimes
necessary." Kathryn said quietly.
"Yes, but that time
has past. To quote one of Mr. Paris' twentieth century notables, a balladeer, I
believe. You are a 'hard-headed woman in love with a sweet-talkin' man'."
The Vulcan recited in perfect deadpan.
Kathryn couldn't help the
low chuckle that issued forth. "That I am, old friend; that I am,"
she replied, looking her old friend square in the eye as comprehension dawned
like a supernova. "You're giving me… us… Chakotay and me… you’re giving
us… your blessing!"
"As any father… any
proud father… would."
"Tuvok, I don't know
what to say. I mean, I thought, that I… "
"You believed my
interest to be something more," Tuvok observed rather reluctantly as he
lowed his gaze for a moment. Raising a hand, he very gently touch her cheek as
his dark eyes clouded slightly with emotion. "To be truthful, were our
situation different and I was not bonded to T'Pel nor you to the Commander, I
would have pursued that avenue. I am not immune to your charms and they are
great to be sure. Yet I know I must concede to logic and circumstance, and be
only what it is possible for me to be… your consul and trusted friend."
Kathryn placed her own
hand over the one on her cheek and smiled as tears slipped slowly down her
face. Her other hand rested over the Vulcan's heart as she spoke. "I am
truly honored by your words and actions. I will do everything I can to make you
proud of me." Kathryn paused for a moment as her looked up into the eyes
of the man before her. Her lower lip trembled slightly as she spoke,
"Father… "
The barest wisp of a
smile curved Tuvok's lips as he took Kathryn's small hands in his own. Gently
he showed her how to place two fingers against his – the traditional Vulcan
exchange of greetings between loved ones or close family. "Peace and long life,
my daughter." With a squeeze, he released her hands and stepped back. They
stared at each other for moment, and then Tuvok bowed slightly and exited the
shelter. Kathryn's watched his retreating back with a small smile permanently
etched on her face.
~*~
Tom Paris whistled softly
as he slowly walked up the path to his home. Deep down he wasn't sure that he
wanted to get home. The last two months had been hell in the Torres-Paris
household. But then… living with a Klingon wasn't the easiest thing in the world
under the best of circumstances! Now
that was multiplied ten-fold with his beloved Klingon being pregnant. Mood
swings? Hell, try thinking of it as hormone induced schizophrenia. One minute
B'Elanna was trying to rip his head off; the next she was sobbing in his arms.
Paris sighed deeply as he
pulled his coat tighter, noting absently that it was getting cooler. As he
reached the front door of his home Paris thought he heard loud singing or
something that resembled it. Cautiously, he placed his hand on the door and slowly
swung it open. Peering into the foyer to gauge his likelihood of coming upon an
unknown element, Paris stepped over the threshold.
"Tom, is that
you?" The voice of B'Elanna Torres carried to well-tuned ears.
"Yeah, hon,"
Paris called back as he closed the door and shed his coat.
B'Elanna was in his arms
the minute he turned from the closet. Their lips locked in a passionate kiss
that promised many things.
"Whoa, what did I do
to deserve this?" Paris said as he broke the kiss with a gasp for air.
"Just glad to have
you home. I've been going nuts here all by myself." B'Elanna answered with
a bright smile.
Paris eyed her
suspiciously, "Okay, out with it Torres. What's going on?"
B’Elanna didn't answer as
she freed herself from his embrace and strolled into the living room. Tom
followed, more bewildered than ever. The half-Klingon dropped onto the sofa and
presented her husband with a smile. Paris looked at her warily then shrugged as
he joined her.
"So, what's going
on? What did the Doctor say?"
B'Elanna continued to grin
as she snuggled close to her husband. After a moment she spoke, "Well, I
was kind of wondering what you thought about naming our baby after Sam
Wildman."
"Fine with me, but what
if it's a… " Tom Paris stopped suddenly and turned to look his wife
squarely in the eye. "Sam as in Samantha… our baby's a girl! But I thought
that… "
"That we decided to
wait for the surprise? Well, you can blame the Doctor; he blabbed while he was
scanning me."
Paris shook his head in
awe and disbelief, "A girl… wow." He took B'Elanna's hand in his and
gently laid them both against the slight mound within where their child slept.
"Everything else is okay. Right."
"Absolutely,
perfectly normal. So, how about it,
Dad?"
Tom Paris grinned,
"I love it; Samantha is beautiful. Would you mind if we called her
Kathryn, too?"
"After the
captain," B'Elanna smiled and shook her head. "No, I wouldn't
mind."
Paris gathered his wife
into a tight embrace then dropped to his knees and laid his head against her
stomach. "Hey there, Samantha Kathryn Paris; you've got quite the image to
live up to. But your mom and I and all your aunts and uncles will be here to
help. So, sleep tight, little girl. There's lots of love here just waiting
ya."
Silent tears slipped down
B'Elanna's cheeks as she laced her fingers through her husband's hair. She
never thought it could be like this and she could only hope that it would never
change.
~*~
Kathryn sat in the middle
of her bed, legs drawn up, her chin resting thoughtfully in her hand.
Chakotay's letter lay on the bed beside her, still unopened and unread. The
last twenty-four hours had been emotional and enlightening. She knew it was
getting late but she felt there was something else that needed doing. Kathryn
was about to call Chakotay to tell him she wasn't coming when there was a knock
on her door. She called out entry and was surprised by the face she saw.
"Captain, am I
disturbing you?"
"Sarah, of course
not; come in." Kathryn answered as she rose quickly to meet the young
woman.
"Captain, I… "
Ensign Sarah Hickman paused not quite sure how to continue. She had never been
in Kathryn Janeway's quarters before… either here and certainly not on Voyager. This was going to harder than
she thought.
"Sarah, is this
about Harry?" Kathryn finally asked when the young woman seemed reluctant
to continue.
Sarah's head jerked up
with surprise. Maybe, things would be alright after all. "As a matter of
fact, it is. Or at least partly."
"I see. Well, please sit down and tell me what's on your
mind."
"Well, it's kind of
has to do with you, too."
"Me?"
"Yes… and how Harry
feels about you. Frankly, Captain, it's putting a bit of a crimp in our
relationship."
Kathryn was taken aback
by the rising hostility in the other woman's tone. "I'm afraid I don't
understand."
"God, don't you get
it, do you? Harry loves you! Sometimes
I think the only reason he started paying any attention to me was because…
well, because I remind him of you."
"That's ridiculous,
Sarah! Why, I'm old enough to be…
"
"His mother. Yes, I
know. That's where it all started." Sarah sighed dramatically as she
dropped into a chair and buried her face in her hands.
Kathryn sank in the chair
opposite, stunned and puzzled by what she had heard. With an effort, she found
her voice. "Sarah, I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at; I
treat all young members of my crew equally."
"Really." Sarah
drawled and let out a sharp laugh, "You can really say that, after the way you've treated Harry."
"The way I treated…
" Kathryn mouthed back appalled the insolence in the blonde woman's voice.
"You're actually saying that there's something wrong with the way I treated him? I have done nothing to Harry; I
would never intentionally harm him or any member of my crew."
Sarah's bravado vanished
in an instant as she saw genuine hurt in her former captain's face. "Yes,
you . . . No, I." Sarah stopped as she suddenly realized how she must be
sounding to the other woman. "I'm sorry; this isn't coming out right. I
only wanted to… oh hell; Harry's going to kill me."
Kathryn smiled weakly and
reached across to put her hand on the young woman's arm. "Tell me; what's really going on?"
Sarah took a deep breath
as she watched Kathryn closely, looking for any signs of insincerity. She saw
nothing but open and honest concern, but she just couldn't put her feelings
into words.
Finally Kathryn saved her
the trouble. "Sarah, let me tell
you something about the relationship Harry and I have. It started the moment I
met him. He was all stiff and new, a boy straight out the Academy and I did my
best to put him at ease."
"At ease before you sprain something,"
Sarah murmured.
"Yes," Kathryn
acknowledged with a crooked smile. "It broke the ice a little and garnered
a shy smile from him. I think from that moment on, our bond became unique… and
later, necessary. Sarah, he's been through so much. The Caretaker, the Holodeck
malfunction during his Beowulf program, the Vidiians and the duplicate Voyager
where he replaced himself, Species 8472 and the Borg… all the other times when
he was injured or Voyager was in danger. How many times can you face death and
not have it scar you in some way? We all have our demons and scars. But Harry's
been through more than most."
Kathryn sighed softly as
she rose and walked to the window. She stared out for moment then turned back
to the young woman. "I've always tried to be there for him. Sometimes it
was hard because so many others depend on me and I feel responsible for them
all. Yet, when he became ill a few months ago, I didn't think twice about
staying by his side. When we lost Sam,
I felt guilty for it."
Sarah got up quickly and
stood before her captain, comprehension beginning to dawn, "You couldn't
have know about the problem with the water filtration system; it wasn't your
fault Harry and the others got sick."
"I know,"
Kathryn nodded jerkily. "But I still feel that way. Harry's a sensitive
young man and he takes things easily to heart. My preoccupation with protecting
my crew may have sent him the wrong message at first. For that, I'm
sorry."
"I'm not… "
The two women turned
quickly to see Harry Kim standing in the open doorway.
"Don't you know how
to knock, Kim?" Sarah scolded.
"Hey, learn how to
keep you voices down. I could hear you ten feet away from the building."
"And you had to stop
and listen," Kathryn returned as she crossed her arms, giving him a stern
glance.
Harry shrugged.
"Heard my name and couldn't resist. Now tell me what brought on this
little meeting of the minds."
"I'm afraid it's my
fault… " Kathryn started.
Sarah cut her off.
"No, it's mine. I guess I'm a bit jealous. You two always seem to get
along so well and sometimes I feel like a third wheel. I had to find out it I
had anything to worry about," Sarah explained with a shrug.
"You could have just
talked to me," Harry said as he put his hands on her upper arms.
"Right, and have you
think I was loony."
"I would have
understood. I do understand and you have nothing to worry about, okay?"
"Really?"
"Really," Harry
answered as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and turned to Kathryn.
"Captain, I meant what I said; I'm not sorry. You've been the best and I
couldn't have survived all the things that have happened to me in the past four
years if it weren't for you."
"Harry, I… "
"It's true look up
to you; but more than that, I have a deep respect and affection for you… both
as a friend and a mother figure. Your opinion is very important to me as is
your happiness." Harry paused and stepped away from Sarah. Holding his hand
out to Kathryn, he was a bit surprised when she took it with out hesitation.
"So, what do you say, Captain; am I worthy to be your surrogate son?"
"On one
condition," Kathryn began as she gripped his hand tighter, tears
threatening to fall. "You have to call me ‘Kathryn’."
"I don't know; that
doesn't feel quite right. How about Cap'n or KJ?"
"Hey, why not Mama
Kate?" Sarah volunteered, only to receive mock scowls from both.
Harry thought for a long
moment as he stared at the woman before him. Noting the bemused look reflected
in her blue eyes, he blinked as it came to him. "Ma… that sounds about
right." He smiled at Kathryn as he asked. "Is that, okay?"
"I would be honored
to be your Ma. Your 'Mother' would be proud of the man I see before me,"
Kathryn told him as she enveloped the young man in a tight hug.
"I hope so… "
Harry whispered in her ear. He kissed her lightly on the cheek before stepping
back. "Well, we better get out of here. Thanks again, Ma, for
everything."
"Behave yourself,
Harry, son of Janeway… "
"He will,"
Sarah affirmed with a smile as she reclaimed Harry's arm. "We will. Thank you for everything,
Capt… Kathryn… "
"Goodnight, you
two!"
The two young people
quickly departed with Harry bestowing an adoring smile on his foster mother.
Kathryn slowly shook her head as she stood the doorway of her shelter. What a
perfect ending to a very strange and heartfelt two days! She now had more family
then she knew what to do with and the fact was, after everything, there was
still one element missing.
Faced with really nothing
better to keep her there, Kathryn put on her coat, pausing only to pick up
Chakotay's letter and tuck it in her pocket as she headed out the door. She had
gone about six yards when she heard her name being called. Almost instinctively,
Kathryn knew something was wrong.
"Kathryn, thank the
Great Spirit I caught you," Neelix huffed as he tried to catch his breath.
"Neelix, slow down.
What's wrong?"
"It’s Naomi… she's
gone."
"What do you mean gone?" Kathryn demanded, her
captain's tone coming on naturally.
"I thought she was
with Seven; but when I went check in on them, Seven hadn't seen her. No one's
seen her since lunch," the Talaxian related, wringing his hands with
worry. "And there's a storm coming in. Captain, we have to find her."
"And we will,"
Kathryn affirmed as she patted his shoulder. "Now, tell me; how she was
before she took off."
"Well, quiet, which
in itself is strange for Naomi. But then I haven't been here for weeks; perhaps
I should have been. Gods, I feel selfish… "
"No, don't do that.
You needed time as much as she did. Time to heal. Time to remake your lives. No
one is going to fault you for that. Believe me, I do understand that kind of
need… that kind of pain. No one can share in a loss; it makes or breaks you.
Most of the time, you become stronger for it; but sometimes, it takes a little
more than you're able to give. That's where friends and family come in."
"But it's getting
colder." Neelix continued clearly not wanting to hear any comforting
words.
"I know,"
Kathryn sighed as she did a visual scan of the area around the settlement. "We'll get a search started. You go
back to the meeting hall and get everyone else there. I'm going to check a
couple places. I'll meet you back here in about an hour."
Neelix nodded and trotted
off.
Kathryn hurried back to
her shelter, grabbed a tricorder and her commbadge. When she stepped back
outside a gust of wind hit her. It was a stinging cold, one that sent shivers
through her being. Pulling up her hood, Kathryn set out.
~*~
It was almost dark when
Chakotay arrived at the settlement just fifteen minutes after Kathryn had left.
Not finding her home, he headed for the meeting hall. Halfway there, Tom Paris
caught up with him.
"Chakotay, I thought
you were at the lake."
"I was; I expected
Kathryn to join me a couple of hours ago. When she didn't show, I figured she
didn't get my note or something was wrong."
"Why didn't you
contact her from there?"
Chakotay looked a bit
sheepish, "I forgot to bring extra power cells with me for communications
and with the wind blowing, commbadge signals aren't getting through."
"Yeah, it's creating
a static field," Paris said as they joined Neelix near the entry of the
hall. "It's going to make finding Naomi even harder."
"Naomi? What
happened?" Chakotay demanded.
"She's run
away," Neelix informed him sadly. "It's my fault; I should have seen
the signs."
"Neelix, don't…
" Paris said quietly shaking his head. "We all thought she was doing
so well… even Kathryn; she wouldn't have let her out of her sight otherwise.
"That's right,
Neelix. Now, our main concern is finding her," Chakotay said as he looked
around for Kathryn.
Seeing this, Neelix spoke
up. "Kathryn is already out looking. She said she knew of a couple of
places where Naomi might be."
"She went searching
. . . alone?"
"And just who was
going to stop her, Chakotay?" Paris answered pointedly.
Chakotay gave an
exasperated sigh, "I know; she'll always be the captain."
Paris and Neelix bobbed
their heads at the same time in affirmation. The former Maquis shook his head
to quickly clear it as the Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum image flashed through
his mind. "Okay, I'll go after her. I have a couple of ideas myself. In
the meantime, set up a grid search pattern and try to enhance
communications."
"Got it; that should
be right up Seven's alley," Paris affirmed.
"Good; hold the
fort. We'll all be back soon."
With a nod at the
twosome, Chakotay headed back up the trail toward the lake.
~*~
Thirty minutes into her
search found Kathryn stumbling along, her head bent into wind. She had checked
every place she could think of. Now it was getting much colder; a light snow
was making the trail difficult to navigate. If she didn't find Naomi soon, they
both would be in trouble. Calling the child's name brought nothing but the howl
of the wind in return.
Hitting her commbadge
rewarded Kathryn with a new wave of frustration and anger. "Damn it…
" she muttered under her breath as static crackled across the open comm
line. Stopping, she tried to gauge her position, but the tricorder wasn't
helping. It, too, was being interfered with by the storm. Kathryn sighed. If I'm out here much longer, they're going
to be looking for me, too. Deciding on a direction, she trudged off, hoping
all the while that Naomi was alright.
~*~
As it turned out, Kathryn
needn't have worried. Forty-five minutes after the search began, B'Elanna
Torres-Paris came bursting into the meeting hall, Naomi Wildman in tow. The
little girl had not run away after all; she had simply wanted to visit B'Elanna
and talk about the baby; the lost girl had been found. An hour later, everyone
else had returned and checked in except for two people – Chakotay and Kathryn.
All they could hope for was that they were together.
~*~
A good three hours later,
Kathryn Janeway was lost and she knew it. Everything looked so different in the
dark with the snow swirling around. She was about to collapse to the ground in
a forlorn heap when she caught sight of something through the trees – a boxy
shape loomed almost directly in front of her. With renewed hope, Kathryn
plunged forward through the deepening snow and soon found herself directly in
front of a cabin. Not even wondering who had built it, she made for the heavy
wooden door. Her hands were stiff with the cold as she fumbled with the latch
until finally it gave.
Kathryn all but fell
through the doorway of the cabin, using the last bit of her strength to push
the door shut. Sliding down to the floor, she sat there for a long time trying
to regain some clarity and perspective on her situation. Through a muddle of
thoughts it dawned on Kathryn that she had to get warm… and quickly. Slowly
struggling to her feet, she cast a look around the room she was in. It was
larger then she had first thought and it was still under construction. There
was a fireplace, however, and heat was
what she needed. Kathryn just hoped that it was finished and that it worked.
Shaking violently, she searched and found everything necessary but she couldn't
get her fingers to cooperate.
She was about to give up
when the door banged open behind her, allowing wind and snow to enter again
enter the cabin. Kathryn didn't care; her eyes were on the dark figure that
stood in the doorway. A whispered name slipped past her lips as darkness closed
in around her.
Chakotay was startled and
delighted when he saw Kathryn huddled in front of the fireplace. It was amazing
she had found her way here at all, everything considered. Alarmed when she
didn't speak in acknowledgment, Chakotay secured the door and quickly moved to
her side. One touch of her cold skin told him that he had to get her warmed up
as soon as possible.
A half hour later,
Chakotay had a fire going and the interior of the cabin was warmer. He had
bundled Kathryn in blankets and laid her near the hearth. He thanked the
spirits as she began to show signs of waking. Moving to her side, he knelt down
and took her hand in his as she opened her clear blue eyes and smiled at him.
He was about to speak when their comm badges sounded simultaneously. A voice
distant but clear voice came forth; it
was Harry Kim.
"New Hope to Chakotay… Kathryn… can you can hear this?
Naomi is safe. She was with B'Elanna. Odds are you won't be able to answer this
message; Seven used Voy-Com
to enhance our signal, so just listen. Somehow, we know that you have found
your way to each other; don't allow petty arguments to dissolve what you two
have together... it is right. Contact us when the storm has past, or we'll come
looking for you."
There was a pause as
whispering ensued over the open commline. Finally Harry spoke again. "Okay, so you take care of each other.
Ma, I'll see you soon."
"Yeah, Sis, later… " The voice of Tom
Paris added.
"Yes…" Tuvok affirmed, "Peace be with you, my daughter… and you,
Chakotay have found your secret… " the Vulcan was cut short as
Chakotay slapped his commbadge to break the connection.
He looked down at Kathryn
saw the question in her eyes. Hell, he had a couple of his own! But, at the
moment, the truth was that he had given her all his blankets and now he was
freezing yet, she hadn't offered to share… or maybe she just hadn't thought of
it. Maybe it was time for one of them to speak.
"Kathryn”…
“Chakotay… " The words came simultaneously; they chuckled quietly.
"I'm relieved Naomi
is safe," Kathryn said finally as she edged up on her elbows, only then
noting she was only wearing her underwear. Hastily, she pulled the blankets
closer.
"You and me, too.
And you had me scared there for a
while! Don't ever do anything like
this again… okay?"
"Okay," Kathryn
murmured.
A brief silence fell,
over which only the chattering of teeth could be heard. Suddenly realizing that
the sound came from Chakotay, Kathryn shyly offered him a place in her
blankets. Quickly and with as much modestly as possible, the dark man shed his
outer clothing and slipped in beside the woman of his day and night dreams.
Long quiet moments passsed with each of them lost in their own thoughts.
"Chakotay… "
Kathryn asked suddenly.
"Hmmm… "
"The letter you
wrote me… I haven't read it yet."
"So I noticed,"
Chakotay answered as he reached for Kathryn's coat. "I found it in your
pocket." He handed the envelope to Kathryn who sat up, pulling one of the
blankets around her. Chakotay copied the action and sat facing her. "Please
read it now… aloud. I would like to hear my words on your lips."
Kathryn smiled a little
and her hands trembled as she unfolded the paper. The scrawl was bold yet
elegant – much like the man himself. Finally, taking a deep breath she began:
“Kathryn,
I wish to tell you how much I love you,
and I hope that you know that I do.
I wish that the words that I speak so tenderly,
could be heard from my heart to yours gently.
I wish, that they would carry the same meanings,
and the soft feelings from deep within me.
I love so many things about you.
Your strength, your tender faith, your deep wisdom
and your gentle caring for others.
I enjoy your warmth and the way I feel when I'm with you.
But
I'm at odds how to express my heart,
So, for you, I chose the words of a long ago ballad.
I hope you can see what we have is real and true.
Read on, my love…”
Kathryn paused, her throat
constricted with tears; she was unable to continue. Never had she been so
moved. Chakotay gently reached for her, drawing her close. Near her ear, in
whispered song, he spoke the words written on the paper.
“I knew from the very first time;
that I looked into your eyes…
You were someone, who'd been through
a few too many goodbyes…
No doubt about it.
Darlin' now you're safe in my arms –
You've found your future at last.
All of those years and those tears,
are a part of the past.
So believe, what I'm telling you…
From this day on –
You're gonna be loved… perfectly.
From this day on –
You're gonna be loved, the way you deserve to be.
All your fears can be gone
From this day on –
Darlin' please trust what we've got –
and where it's all leading to…
You're in good hands –
gonna cleanse in cherishing you –
And I'm just getting started –
From this day on –
you're gonna be loved perfectly –
Perfectly, baby –
From this day on –
You're gonna be loved the way you deserve to be.
All your fears can be gone –
From this day on…
Now, I'll be here beside you –
From this day on… you'd better believe –
From this day on… we'll always be together –
From this day on…
Girl, you've got yourself a lover and a friend
We'll be good lovers and friends
You're looking at forever…
Here's where our dream begins –
and I promise; It's never gonna end.
No… no… no… no…
From this day on…
you're gonna be loved the way you deserve to be.
All your fears can be gone –
From this day on . . . Baby –
I'm gonna be right here beside you…
From this day on…”
Drawing on the love that was
so plainly evident in the words and on the face of the man before her, Kathryn
finished the letter:
“So, there you are forever in my heart,
Maybe, I'll sing it to you one day.
But if I'm not too late, please join me.
Yours
with love,
Chakotay”
Kathryn's voice broke as
she finished. Chakotay hugged her tightly then drew back.
"Kathryn, why didn't
you read my letter before now?" Chakotay asked, taking her gently by the
shoulders.
She looked up at him with
sad eyes on the brink of tears. "I was afraid of what it might say. You
disappeared so quickly after the row we had… I thought maybe you had had
enough."
"Of you?
Never!" Chakotay told her vehemently as he quickly gathered her against
his chest. "I do love you,
Kathryn… wholly and completely. One little fight isn't going to change
that."
"Promise?"
Kathryn whispered as she brushed her fingers lightly down his cheek.
"I promise,"
Chakotay declared as he dropped his head and gently kissed her. He felt his
love shudder in response as one of his hands tangled in her hair, while the
other slid beneath the blanket that encompassed them to pull her tightly against
him. Tonight was just for holding each other…
they both knew that; but it held the promise of untold delights to come.
Tomorrow would come and a future together… with their love a secret no more.
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