by Delta Story
August 2002
(NC-17)
by Delta Story
August 2002
(NC-17)
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The usual yada, yada to ole Paramount/Viacom for the mention of a couple of (TM) names. This takes place way late in season 7, but before "Endgame"
“You’ve gotten pretty quiet on the bridge lately, Commander. It seems that all you do is stare out of the view port, saying and doing nothing.” “That’s not true.” “You only respond to me when I ask you something; you used to chime in with ideas and opinions.” “I’ve always been rather quiet unless the need arises. And lately… well, there’s just not much happening. Besides – you’re there to handle any problems.” “So – that gets us back to my original statement. You’re quiet; you must be thinking of something.” “I recite Shakespeare in my mind.” “And that’s why you have that far away look so often.” “Yeah; I guess so.” “Where are you… really? Transported back to Dorvan V? Back to Earth?” “Hmm. I’ve just about forgotten what they’re like.” “What plays do you recite? Who are you favorite characters?” “You really believed that?” “You seldom lie.” “Maybe my mind is as blank as the space we’re traveling through.” “Oh, come on; you know as well as I do that there’s plenty out there; it’s far from being empty.” “And some of those things you’d rather not bump into.” “Like the things in your mind?” “Yeah; like them.” “That sounds pretty ominous and not very healthy. Care to share some of those thoughts with me?” “Not particularly.” Silence. “Once upon a time, we spoke open and freely with one another.” “That was a long time ago; a lot has happened since then.” “Like what?” “Like the Borg… the Equinox… Starfleet duty and valor above all else.” “Those were difficult times. As captain, I had to take responsibility for my actions.” “And ignore other options.” “I just didn’t think they fit the situations; the decisions were mine to make.” “So why even bother asking me—or anyone else for that matter—what we thought about things?” “Those events are over and done with. We learn from them and move on.” “Exactly.” “And what is that supposed to mean?” “We learn and move on.” Silence. “Do you love her?” “I suppose.” “There’s not much sincerity in that answer.” “I’m past all of that. Love is for the younger people.” “Like her…” “Like her.” “Why did you decide to go to her?” “Because she wanted me.” “And?” “And… I wanted to prove to myself that I could still feel… something. That I wasn’t dead.” “Has it worked?” “What do you mean?” “Are you…‘dead’?” “Let’s just say that she’s a good jump start.” “I see.” “I had been a long time since anyone had shown any interest; I was beginning to wonder if it was all over for me.” “Hm. So she was a ‘test’.” “I guess.” “Do you think about her when you’re staring out into nothingness?” “No.” “Why not?” “There’s no need; I can have her whenever I want.” “That can’t be much of a challenge.” “It isn’t.” “How is she—as a lover?” “Better than I expected, but it’s all by the book.” “Meaning…?” “She knows all the right moves, but there’s no… passion.” “No passion?” “That’s right. No feeling – no heat, no smiles, no tears. Just a goal to be accomplished… another mark on her checklist.” “But isn’t that all that you want? As proof that you’re not…‘dead’?” “How can you tell, if there’s no life to begin with?” “What you want is spontaneity… surprise… not knowing what’s around the corner…” “Yes. And all the ups and downs and all the bumps in between to make it real.” “What you’re saying is that she will not accept failure; that success and accomplishment is the goal.” “I guess that’s a fair statement.” “Have you failed her?” “In performance? No, I don’t think so.” “Hmm. Well, you usually do finish any job you start.” “Right. But now, I feel as if the job is done; I’ve proved a point and she knows what it’s like go through the actions.” “But there’s no passion.” “None.” “Where does that leave you?” “Staring out of the view port on the bridge.” “Imagining what should have been.” “Always.” “You were doing that for months—no, years!—before you and she became a twosome.” “I guess so.” “What were you thinking about then?” “What it would be like to…” “With her?” “No.” Silence. “With me.” “Yes, with you.” “Don’t you consider that an invasion onto my privacy?” “I suppose you never have thoughts… like that.” “Maybe.” “While you were on the bridge?” “Perhaps.” “Recently?” “This is getting rather personal, Commander.” “And all your questions so far haven’t been?” “I was trying to support you.” “With someone else.” “Yes.” “Why?” “Maybe to forget.” “You didn’t have to deny yourself.” “You know very well that I had to.” “Really?” “It wouldn’t be right. As captain…” “Uh, oh; here we go again.” “But yet, you went ahead and had me with you in your thoughts… for all these years.” “There hasn’t been much else for me to do most of the time; why not?” Silence. “How are we… together in your mind?” “The best.” “How do you mean that?” “I know you; seven years, every day… every night; six weeks on a deserted planet with you… oh, yes; I know you. Deep inside, you are one of the most passionate women I’ve ever known.” “But we’re frequently at odds.” “All the better for my scenarios.” “You saw us in different scenes… in different roles?” “Sometimes.” “Oh. Like the White Knight and Fair Maiden.” “No; we are always ourselves. Just taking different stances or sides.” “Or positions.” “Yes… or positions.” “Mmm. Interesting. Where? This is a pretty small ship.” “All the better for creativity.” “Care to elaborate?” “Are you sure you want to hear all of this?” “Absolutely; you’ve piqued my curiosity!” “Well, there’s the turbolift…” “Come on, Commander; you can do better than that. Everyone has done it in the turbolift.” “With the gravitational unit turned off? That provides quite a challenge.” “And we accomplished it?” “Oh, there was a lot of poking and prodding but eventually everything found its proper place.” “Tenacity… I always liked that about you, Commander.” “I particularly liked it the time we were inside Tuvok’s quarters, doing interesting things with the wax from his meditation candles…” “We didn’t!” “We most certainly did. We both ended up with very smooth bodies after that time. Adding to the thrill was wondering if he would walk in with us there.” “Did he?” “No; but something tells me if he had, he would have proceeded to give us pointers.” “How about the holodeck?” “No; there wasn’t much fun with that; you could program everything in and would know exactly what would happen.” “Everything?” “Hmm. Guess you’re right there.” “Then there’s engineering, up against the warp core tube…” “Come again?” “That’s exactly what you said! You were backed up against it, the rhythms pounding through your body and into mine.” “Like matter and anti-matter…” “Right. You were beautiful, surrounded by the glow of the core… your face radiating in the mixture of heats and energies….” “It was dangerous…” “It always is with you.” Silence. “Tell me – do you ever… when you’re alone…” “Possibly. Do you?” “Mmm…” “Is that the reason for those long baths?” “Possibly. Is that why you go on your vision quests?” “You know that’s not why…” “But do you… well… you know…” “I’m only human… like you.” “What… who do you think about then?” “That’s not an appropriate question.” “Why not?” “Who do you think of?” “Oh. Yes. I understand.” “It seems that you don’t let rules and regulations take precedence then.” “Those times aren’t often…” “Why not?” “Because… if I did let myself… um… think about that sort of thing too often, I’d… well, I’d…” “You would what?” “Never mind.” “Why? Don’t you trust yourself?” “That’s not it. It’s just that… I might want to do more.” “Like what?” “We’ve been down this road before… too many times.” “Our journey is almost over. Soon, you’ll be back to a ‘normal’ life, not being on duty every moment of every day as a ship’s captain.” “Whatever is ‘normal’…” “Do you think that we could ever…” “You have her now; don’t you two have plans?” “Perhaps…” “I always thought that you would be a faithful lover.” “I am.” “To her?” “Maybe not to her…” “Then to whom?” “You know the answer to that. I was… and I still could be.” “Just what will happen with the two of you when we get back to Earth?” “I don’t know. It’s going to be a difficult adjustment for her.” “And you.” “Yes… and me.” Silence. “Commander, I think there’s a dangerous mission in our near future.” “What do you mean? Are the Borg back?” “Not that I know of. However… I think that I’m going to have to evacuate engineering for a while.” “There’s a problem?” “Yes. It’s one that needs immediate attention.” “Maybe we should call B’Elanna…” “I really don’t think you’d want her there.” “Then why…” “I’d like to check out the warp core. Just you and I. To make sure everything is… functioning… that we haven’t lost any power due to recent events.” “Uhh… are you sure about that?” “I don’t want any uncompleted tasks hanging over our heads when we get home.” “Engineering…” “Just once. I’d like to know… how it would have been…” “Well…” “So now you’re the one backing out? Your little ‘escapes’ on the bridge are better?” “I didn’t say that. How… how would you vacate engineering? They could detect anything wrong.” “Leave that to me. Meet me there in fifteen minutes.” “I can’t believe that you’re…” “We’ll just call it a fantasy fulfillment for each of us. At this stage in our lives, it couldn’t be anything more than that.” “And then we’ll go back to life as it is.” “Yes.” “Why? Why now… after all these years?” “Maybe we should consider it something that will get it out of our systems and we’ll never have to wonder about again.” “Oh. Right.” “In fifteen minutes. Just this once.” “Sure; just this once. Or… it could begin an eternity…” ~ the end ~
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