Just as Voyager’s spectacular emergence from the Delta Quadrant surprised Starfleet, so did Admiral Paris’ comments surprise Kathryn Janeway. “Captain, before you make your final approach to Earth, I’ve got to speak to you – in private.”

“Understood,” she responded, silently chilled to the bone. What was this all about? Were her crew going to be put under arrest before they set foot on terra firma? Was it about the Maquis? All eyes on the bridge followed her as she made her way to her ready room to make the secure connection back to Starfleet headquarters.

The doors closed. She went over to her monitor, keying in the coded secure channel to get back to the admiral.

His somber face appeared on the screen. “Thank you, Kathryn. What I have to tell you I’m sure you won’t like, but it’s something that has to be done.”

She swallowed hard. “Whatever you have to say, Admiral, but first I’d like to state that everyone aboard this ship deserves nothing but your highest commendation…”

“I’m sure they do, Captain. Please… hear me out.”

“Of course,” she responded, chagrined at attempting to second-guess the commanding officer.

“As you gather from my intermittent reports to you, we’ve suffered some tough times. The long battles with the Cardassians and the Dominion have sapped much from Starfleet – personnel, resources, morale. While all the members of the Federation support one another and share their assets, we here on Earth feel that we should do more than our share of replenishment of what has been lost. All of this is going to take time and cooperation, utilizing some unusual partnerships.”

Janeway’s face showed a mixture of concern and puzzlement but she listened attentively.

Paris continued his dissertation. “Captain, we’ve decided to join ranks with one of the most successful corporate enterprises on Earth in order to meet our goals. These people have been successes at whatever they do for over four hundred years. They assure us that our joint venture will be beneficial to all involved. This is where you and your crew come in.”

“We’ll help wherever and however we can,” Janeway pledged sincerely.

Admiral Paris smiled. “Good – because this is what you’re going to have to do. When your shuttlecraft doors open, I want the best smile on your face that you can muster. I want it to shine clear back to the Delta Quadrant. You are going to be met by many media representatives, but the first question put to you will be this: ‘Captain Janeway, you and Voyager’s crew have just returned from a seven year trip in the Delta Quadrant. What’s the first thing you’re going to do?’ At this point, you and your crew will all respond –

Paris shook his head. “I know; it’s a very low ploy. But, Walt Eisner has promised Starfleet all sorts of resources if we do just this one thing for them. Please, Kathryn – I know that it’s asking a lot. But… just consider it a long-deserved vacation for all of you.

She looked at him even more incredulously. “You mean… we actually have to go to this place?”

“Yes,” he answered seriously. “Have you ever been before?”

“Well, no,” she flummoxed. “But… but… “

“There’s nothing more to be said, Kathryn. Just respond appropriately when you arrive, and then you’ll have two weeks for debriefings and getting reaquainted with your families. After that, free trips for all of Voyager’s crew to Disneyland for an entire week!”

~*~

And so it was. Janeway coached everyone aboard Voyager in how to handle the first of their many publicity stunts to save the faltering Starfleet. Paparazzi followed them all around and the public relations staffs of Disneyland and Starfleet interviewed crewmembers in depth, reporting on the favorite attractions of many of them. The compilation of these pictures and interviews became the most popular travel brochure in the entire history of commercial industry on Earth. However, the group had some rather private opinions, too -- some that never made it into print. These confidential remarks are revealed below.

~*~

HARRY KIM

Right after walking inside the gate, I found the place where I wanted to spend time – we were home and what better place than Main Street! Lots of room to walk and talk… fresh air and bright sunlight. And there was a band – a real, live honest band! Music all around – even playing on key! It was a place where I could finally play my clarinet and no one would mind. Gee, if I were in a band, I could still wear a uniform – and everyone knows how women go for guys in uniform…

NEELIX

I was nervous about coming to Earth, but Captain Janeway convinced me to come and tour this exhilarating place with the rest of Voyager’s crew. So, I made the journey from the Delta Quadrant and it was well worth my time (not that it wouldn’t be, because I’d be visiting with my old friends again.) Like Mr. Kim, I was absolutely smitten with the hometown friendliness of this entry section. Why, everywhere one looked, there were representations of the most unusual species; it was as diverse as anywhere in the galaxy! In fact, I found a wonderful little fraternal group who welcomed me with open arms.

THE DOCTOR

Ah, I do wish Danara Pel could be with me to see this – we wouldn’t have to rely on a holodeck program for one of Mr. Paris’ automobiles. Here, I finally saw the real thing – even got to drive one! Now, if only I could drive it out to Mulholland Drive, with you, Denara, sitting by my side, the wind whipping through our hair (stop your infernal laughing, Mr. Paris!) and finding a secluded place to watch the sunset and the stars come out to shine in the skies overhead… Excuse me; what? Oh, yes; I guess I was doing some audible daydreaming here; sorry!

TUVOK

I am impressed by the attempts to portray different cultures in such a visual yet informative manner. The hands-on approach to experiencing such diversity is indeed a worthwhile teaching tool. Perhaps the idea of these recreational theme parks – as I gather these types of places are called – is not too frivolous after all. I would like to bring my grandchildren here sometime. I am told that this particular section is called ‘Adventureland’. While it is far from as adventurous as our time in the Delta Quadrant, it does appear to satisfy some undefined need for humans.

B'ELANNA TORRES

Before you even think it – I’m here because of Miral. Tom thought she might like to come with us; but believe me, I’d rather face a pack of wild targ than be found in such a ‘cutsie’ place like this. Wimpy bears, ditzy tigers and emotionally unstable donkeys – what sort of an example is this for part-Klingon children? What they all need is some old-fashioned discipline. A few days of martial arts and all of them would have the stuffing knocked out them. Come on, Miral; let’s go find Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

TOM PARIS

While B’Elanna takes Miral on all those kids’ rides, I can have some fun here. ‘Tomorrowland’, huh? Looks more like a set from one of Captain Proton’s holodeck adventures, if you ask me. I’ve been told that there’s a section in here called ‘Star Tours’ – wonder if they need anyone to write programs for them? I could add an interesting robot and a maniacal archvillian... plus some gorgeous babes!

SEVEN OF NINE

I do not understand. When I walked in through the entrance gate, even though I presented the attendant with my ticket, he told me that I should use the Cast Entrance to get to my destination. I looked at him rather incredulously and he said, “You are one of the Golden Horseshoe dance hall girls, aren’t you?” I did not wish to insult him so I stated my regret and asked him to direct me to the place, as this was my first time here. So, here I am at the Golden Horseshoe – I believe it is called a saloon. What is a dance hall girl?

CHAKOTAY

I know that sometimes my thoughts and ideas seem like I’m building castles in the clouds, but now I’m in a place where I’m told my fantasies can come true. So, what is my greatest fantasy? Do you really need to ask? Just look behind me – a magnificent castle, full of delicious possibilities with the right person. She could be a princess and I her knight in shining armor. She could be living a life of impossible unhappiness and I could rescue her, having her ride off into the happily-ever-after with me. All I have to do is get her to agree with me.

KATHRYN JANEWAY

All right; the first couple of times this was cute… adorable even. But after the third year… er… time, it began to get old. Over and over again… the same words, the same notes, the same people – it started to drive me nuts! Can you blame me for going off the deep end at times? Relentless repetition, over and over again, will do that -- just like ancient water torture. All right; I’ve done my duty. Now – which way to the hotel, a hot bath and room service?

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